Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
Greetings,
I am having an issue with my bisexual partner of apprx. 2 years. She spends a lot of time with her mother, caring for her as she lives 10 minutes away from her parents and 45 minutes away from me. She also spends a great deal of time (every day) with her dog - a beagle who is sweet, but untrained and spoiled. I feel like I'm not asking for a lot, but I want some of her time in the evening since we both work opposite schedules and by the time I get off work (2nd shift part-time), I am wired while she is tired from working (1st shift full-time) and gets crabby as she wants peace and quiet to read and then go to bed, so now we aren't even talking on the phone in the evening. I have explained to her that I feel slighted because everyone else seems to get a piece of her including her dog, but not me. Many times, she sees her mom 3-5 days per week and of course, her dog 7 days per week. She and I only get to see each other once per week and if I'm lucky, two days. When I expressed my feelings, she said that this was all that she could give to me given her familial, professional, and domestic responsibilities. WTF?!?! Really???
I feel completely unimportant to her as she is giving most of her energy to work, family, and her dog. Meanwhile, I'm giving 200% of myself to her, where she doesn't have to share me the way that I have to share her and I'm just her sloppy seconds, getting the crumbs left over from her day as she's given her energy to those who matter to her most - her mother and her dog. I've been feeling this way for several months and we even broke up in December on unrelated issues before I could have a conversation with her about her obsession with her dog and mother. She doesn't feel that I'm treating her kindly because I've been very distant and short with her, but I don't know what else to do besides go off on her and I really don't want to do that. My patience are running thin. Does anyone have any suggestions of how I should handle this situation? I am deeply in love with her. I recently gave her a promise ring to show that I will never break up with her again causing her heartbreak (unless she violates one of my dealbreakers). What should I do? I love her dearly and don't want to lose her again, but I'm feeling very slighted. Thanks bunches!
I am having an issue with my bisexual partner of apprx. 2 years. She spends a lot of time with her mother, caring for her as she lives 10 minutes away from her parents and 45 minutes away from me. She also spends a great deal of time (every day) with her dog - a beagle who is sweet, but untrained and spoiled. I feel like I'm not asking for a lot, but I want some of her time in the evening since we both work opposite schedules and by the time I get off work (2nd shift part-time), I am wired while she is tired from working (1st shift full-time) and gets crabby as she wants peace and quiet to read and then go to bed, so now we aren't even talking on the phone in the evening. I have explained to her that I feel slighted because everyone else seems to get a piece of her including her dog, but not me. Many times, she sees her mom 3-5 days per week and of course, her dog 7 days per week. She and I only get to see each other once per week and if I'm lucky, two days. When I expressed my feelings, she said that this was all that she could give to me given her familial, professional, and domestic responsibilities. WTF?!?! Really???
I feel completely unimportant to her as she is giving most of her energy to work, family, and her dog. Meanwhile, I'm giving 200% of myself to her, where she doesn't have to share me the way that I have to share her and I'm just her sloppy seconds, getting the crumbs left over from her day as she's given her energy to those who matter to her most - her mother and her dog. I've been feeling this way for several months and we even broke up in December on unrelated issues before I could have a conversation with her about her obsession with her dog and mother. She doesn't feel that I'm treating her kindly because I've been very distant and short with her, but I don't know what else to do besides go off on her and I really don't want to do that. My patience are running thin. Does anyone have any suggestions of how I should handle this situation? I am deeply in love with her. I recently gave her a promise ring to show that I will never break up with her again causing her heartbreak (unless she violates one of my dealbreakers). What should I do? I love her dearly and don't want to lose her again, but I'm feeling very slighted. Thanks bunches!
fridanyc
Hi Godsblessed1! I am in a similar situation from what you described excepted I am in the same place as your girlfriend. I too have limited times where I can spend with my girlfriend because I have specific times when my ex visits our son, I also have responsibilities to visit my parents etc. She often expresses she wants more time with me or feels I dont put her as a priority although I try my best. We try to make this work by talking about how we feel so that each of us is understood. Try telling your girlfriend why spending time with her is so important to you and what direction you want your relationship go. When my girlfriend tells me how she feels I always try to figure out some sort of compromise even if that means I dont end up with any time to myself. If your girlfriend isnt willing to compromise you might have to ask her if she enjoys spending time with you and whether she feels fulfilled with the relationship since it sounds like you are not. Try to be understanding of her views but also stand your ground in terms of what you want and need from your relationship.
britney49
you should be a priority and treated accordingly- she knows that!
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