Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
First of a two part question;
First why do gay women go back to dating men?
Second part, when I was introduced to my ex's soon to be husband everything was fine. I would go over to her house for morning coffee on the weekends and hang out here and there, then all of a sudden I hit a wall. No more going over for coffee, only could talk with me on the phone when he wasn't around. I brought it up when it started and she told me she has been busy. Then a couple of months ago I tried to bring it up again and she said let's don't start, blowing me off. Why won't she tell me the truth I'm not stupid............... When she first started dating him she told him not to make her chose between me and him because she will choose me. She said he was shocked with that statement.
First why do gay women go back to dating men?
Second part, when I was introduced to my ex's soon to be husband everything was fine. I would go over to her house for morning coffee on the weekends and hang out here and there, then all of a sudden I hit a wall. No more going over for coffee, only could talk with me on the phone when he wasn't around. I brought it up when it started and she told me she has been busy. Then a couple of months ago I tried to bring it up again and she said let's don't start, blowing me off. Why won't she tell me the truth I'm not stupid............... When she first started dating him she told him not to make her chose between me and him because she will choose me. She said he was shocked with that statement.
You made a great statement when you said you were not stupid...you are not and you deserve someone who is going to committ all their time to you. I am not sure what kind of relationship you two had but I feel as if you are wanting more than what she can offer you. Every new day is a healing process and it will take some time but you will heal and the hurt will be less and less. It may never go away but it won't be as strong. I am sorry she led you on because obviously she chose him when it came down to it. I wish i could offer you better advice but I can't right now. Blessings to you sweet lady.
First why do gay women go back to dating men?
Answer:
Because they're NOT gay!
Irq..Mezza and I are over 50, so our posts are normally right to the point. LOL.
Honey, everyone has a little world they live in inside their head. We see the world from our experiences, our character/personality and our own paradigm. Our private, personal inner-world is simply what we think it is. "Why" your X decided to go back to a Man is something only she knows deep in her soul. It's not really...well...something you should worry about, because this is her life, here and now. It's Her current decision and one she will live with.
Totally aside from being BiSexual, I don't know that there are any valid studies out there about why a gay woman would make a new life with a man. My own thoughts are many and one of them agrees with Mezza. The others are 1) being 'gay' whether you are male or female is very, very difficult. Hetero's have all these rules of engagement and marriage, ..we're not allowed to have those rules. Gays who partner up for 10 - 30 years and split, aren't going to get the X's monthly Social Security benefit if they die, like hetero's do. This list of missing benefits (since aren't recognized in a marriage) goes on and on. Bottom line, Society is set up to protect women in a hetero relationship. 2) As we age sex is seen as it truly is; the true extension of love; but based on our time on earth and all we've learned, many intellectual, mature women find that deep mental, spiritual and intellectual connections are priority. If she has met her match in these areas, she may have decided to jump the fence and give up her sexuality to have the intense beauty of these evolved, stimulating, blessings. 3) I could go on about having children, living free of hate/prejudice, etc..but you get my drift.
It's important for You to see things as they are. I hate that she can't find it in her 'world' to be kind, sincere and honest with you, but her actions are telling you everything you need to know. My concern is with your beautiful heart and moving on from this.
Bring yourself to a place of reality. Every day, practice the mental excersize of erasing all her words from the past and recently. Look at the calendar and the date. See clearly where you two are 'right now'. She is getting married to a man and shutting you down. This, cutie, is where it's at.
If you decide to continue to fight reality while it's right there in front of you, you alone become accountable for your own pain and confusion :O/ Time to walk away, go 'no contact', work on letting go, go through the grieving process and then move forward. We're here for you during the journey.
(((long, long hug)))
if the ex would have said i love both of u and him blah blah blah we need to work this out etc, then i can still see u and her still together. my ex gf is bi (now les so she claims) and wanted to be a les but still wanted to fuck guys. im bi and told her how could u be les yet still fuck guys? she said i miss dick want something in my u know what going in and out, we would always argue about that. i wasnt trying to keep her from guys since shes bi but at the same time we agreed that she was going to be with me and me only. its about compromise, we dated for 2 months i found out crap about her and she is a liar still is. i dont worry about whos she is dating but she seems to be wondering what im doing which is odd
I feel one must go with their heart. It is okay to go with a man or a woman, one doesn't have to commit to one or the other. Some ppl commit to being straight or gay and fall for the same or opposite sex but tell themselves that they must stick with their chosen status. If a woman classifies herself as gay then falls for a man, she should go for him. I didn't see the first part so my info. may incomplete. Sometimes, but not always, one would be surprised at who they fall in love with. Again one must follow their heart rather than box themselves into a label.