Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group

This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.

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Letting Go and Remaining Friends!

CeeCii
CeeCii
How do you REMAIN ONLY FRIENDS after LOVING someone DEEPLY for almost two years?

We both agreed, she has so much baggage from her ABUSE that it's almost impossible for her to move on in ANY INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP!

I've waited, and HOPED and PRAYED and still do if the TRUTH be TOLD but I know deep down inside that it's just not meant to BE. TOO MUCH TRAUMA for one person to endure over the YEARS ALONE!

ALL I've ever wanted was to BE there, to LOVE her and to PROTECT her and NOW to TRY to just BE a friend who can't HOLD her, HOLD her hand, and talk to her like I did feels like TORTURE!

PLEASE give me some ADVICE as to how to WORK through this without throwing AWAY the FRIENDSHIP! She MEANS THE WORLD TO ME but I know I will have to eventually MOVE on and it's SO HARD!!!
JESSIKAH
JESSIKAH
I was with my ex for 2 years also and she ended it. we remained friends... in the begining it was really hard because we both were hurting, in different ways. she loved me but knew she couldnt be with me and i was willing to do anything to get her back. she started dating other people and got pregnant 6 months after she left. in a way that kind of helped me a lot because that was when i knew that we could never be together again. and slowly we started talking as friends again and joking and what not. it still is hard for me sometimes but now we are even closer in a way and im glad that we didnt throw away our friendship away just because we didnt make it as a couple. give it time, it will get easier and soon you will beable to hangout and be yourself again with her.
seemad
seemad
the only thing u can control is you and not her and her feelings, initially it's gonna be hard but as time passes by (i know this can be a killer) things will improve and for the better...
sometimes it hard to remain friends after the relationship is over but it's not impossible either. your heart and mind is in the right place, i hope this works out for u, all the best, take care
Vanillasky82
Vanillasky82
I don't know if this could work for you but it always works for me. Usually I find it easier to just go about my own life and cease communication with your ex. Just don't communicate with her for a few months and let your heart heal.

Be very realistic to yourself in these months that you two just can't work. Concentrate on your own well being. Very soon when you're ready to be her friend it will come naturally :)

This was how I manage to become good friends with a few of my exes. Hope it helps
MsTeriLyn
MsTeriLyn
I Love Vanilla Sky's response. It's so-o on target with the way our love/spirit needs to work.

Two years is a long time.
It's nice to hear a connection lasted more than a few months.
Unconditional love doesn't die after a certain amount of time. It lingers and hangs on,.. in the only way it knows.

But time will change that.
I love my Ex of 12 years. She experienced a life change and let me go in Dec 2009 for her dream girl. It took me 5 years to forgive her and just love her for who she is; a person; a friend; someone who was meant to teach me how to love myself; someone not meant for me (hug)

Give it time sweetie. Love is so beautiful; but as you see in life and all around you; ....for some reason, the more human beings evolve; the less time we have to experience love with one person.

Grieve, Be in the Moment and Give it Time. This is Your life path; teaching you what You need to know for the future. This is all what its meant to be. (hug)

Be gentle with Yourself