This is a thing? Well that's sad! Although I think in any relationship that can happen. Keep it fresh! I'm not saying jump out of the closet in a clown mask and a teddy, lol, but keep it fresh, it's important!

I,ve been with my Partner for 15 yrs. At the begining we had sex all the time and through the yrs its been less and less..I do miss the intimacy. I think in any relationship you have to change things up. Take CARE

When things "ease up" so does that steamy expression - therefore there must be a great deal more to the relationship to keep it alive.

Hi There reeling13,

Yes, I think it exists. & No I don't think its just the "way things go" for any couple thats been together longer than a couple years. Its just not that black and white. I've heard of couples who are still passionate and sexually active after 15-20 years together. It takes two to keep that alive.

There can be many reasons this LBD situation occurrs. to name a few, Among them various health issues, depression, certain medications.(lowering desire/libido) perimenopause and menopause.

Personally, for myself? It happened to me in two of my relationships. One was was a 7 years and the other a bit over 3 yrs.

The one thing I finally had to learn? Was to not take it personally, because it really wasn't about me. (It was my 2 partners who shut down, not me).I know it was really hard to not take it on.... painful as it was...Cuz it left me feeling like it was just me becoming/being unattractive and undesirable to my partners over time. Even with their reassurances they still found me attractive and desirable.

Interesting to note, I did not leave either relationship based soley on this issue. But a myraid of ongoing issues. I see on the internet, there are many articles and a few books that cover the topic of LBD now.

Sounds like your partner liked and missed the thrill of the early "honeymoon " phase. Which while very exciting? for most of us slows down and we deepen our intimacy in various ways, building a strong foundation to grow from, strengthening our commitments to one another. But we can still keep our attraction alive!

Anyway, thats just my insights & opinions, hope i was a bit of help.

Blessings to you,

Jess

No i don't think its jut the way things go!! I have been with my wife for 11 years and of course in the first few years it was 2 to 3 times a day haha. we still are going strong, when i notice that we are slacking....i make sure to set time aside if we have to. Being intimate just once after a long spell could kick you back into gear so to speak.

Well my thoughts on this topic are that it is a common problem among lesbian couples. It seems to me that two males that are coupled have an easier time keeping the sex alive than a hetero couple because there is twice the testoterone in the gay male couple as there is in the hetero couple with only one male. So for two women there is even less testosterone. Does that make sense? I think two women together (and I do recognize the exceptions to this rule) have the hardest time keeping the drive between them after the excitement of the honeymoon phase is gone because we are just hardwired to have less of that hormone that keeps you feeling horny regularly.
If I am all wrong in my logic than pay it no mind. :) This is just how I see it and why it makes sense to me that lesbians have this problem possibly more than straight couples. In a straight couple the male continues to push for sex and fight to keep it alive (and I am not saying that the woman doesn't do the same but hopefully you see what I am saying).

Well I am unsure about what LDB but if this is it, boy am I going through it. My partner have been together for four years we both say we are in love infact we live as husband and wife. I have a very healthy libido and I am very attracted to her, but sex is a no go when it comes to her. It happens maybe once every two months or so and it makes me feel unattractive. She says she is still very attracted to me but cant take the feeling in her head from an orgasm. I am trying to be understanding but this is the third month and it's getting rather hard. I am faithful and don't want to betray her trust so cheating is out. We both deal with depression and I am thinking maybe that has something to do with it. Then I am 34 and she is 47 so I thought maybe that was it. I'm tired of trying to figure it out. When I try to talk to her about it I feel like she's making me feel bad for wanting it. She even suggested I should talk to some one else about it instead of her. I feel as though that is a cop out for her not to deal with it and I felt like crap when she said that. I barely sleep in the same bed with her any more and after almost four years of living together she still goes back and forth from her parents house to our house she's at our home for 2 to 3 days then there 2 to 3 days and says she doesnt want to say sh doesn't want to move out of her parents house but she wants to be my husband and play house with me. I feel I am too old to be unstable and want a normal marriage but she acts like she can't move on with her life from her family of origins house. I am at a loss for ideas any more. I love My husband but I'm filled with frustration I don't change my clothes in front of her any more and leave the room when she does it because I feel like it's an off limits situation. When I mention I'm in the mood she begins to get kind of stand offish. What can I do but feel unwanted and unloved. She says things like I don't want to go to bed with her at night because we're not making love but I don't because I always come on to her and she makes me feel bad for doing so. So I just started feling like if I'm not there than there will be no temptation. I'm tired of feeling deprived and ignored sexually but want to stay faithfull. Some one please give me some ideas on what to do.

Wow your way to young to give up sex!! Maybe there is a medical problem with your wife? Could you talk her into going to a Dr.? You need to tell her you don't want to talk tgo anyone else about it - that you both need to talk with someone (together)
Try setting up a romantic evening - candles/music/chocolate maybe a little wine - bubble bath maybe that will kick things up for you 2!!! Don't give up -
Good Luck
(this is for TWSPNGRN)

I recently read an article stating that women losing interest in sex is more of a novelty issue than otherwise. Not sure about that, since I have found sex to get better with greater familiarity. Article here:
http://www.xojane.com/sex/women-are-bored-by-monogamy-and-i-dont-know-whether-im-excited-or-scared

What do you think?

6 years in, my wife and I have arrived at a sexual standstill. She had a hysterectomy 3 yrs ago, and got sober 2 yrs ago. Since then, we've been sexual duds. Our lack of anything going on sexually is a major drag for me, as there is nothing, despite my very best and most creative efforts, that I can do to get her into it. I know that I want to spend my life with this woman, so I guess that means sucking it up and staying on a first-name basis with my darling, Duracell.

My therapist says we're asking for trouble, and that at some point, I'll cheat. Having been on the receiving end of that behavior before, I do not believe that is so. However, it does worry me. Sex is an impt. bonding tool in relationships, so I fret about losing that. Plus, hello. I love it. So. What did our parents do when/if this crap happened in their relationships?

Anyhow, all this to say ... You are not alone, and I can relate, however sad I am to admit to that!! Hang in there ...

I dont think that's the way things have to go. My girl and I just passed our ten year mark and had settled into a life that left little time for intimacy and spontaneity. We sat down and reassessed our priorities based on the fact that we love each other, how that love has grown and changed and made the decision to reclaim the intimacy, passion, and general connectedness. So far, with effort on both our parts, its been going pretty well and we have had more fun lately than in quite some time.

I am currently experiencing this. I have been with my partner for 11 years, but we haven't had sex in about 3 years. it is so incredibly frustrating. It has, at times, left me looking for other outlets, but I have never cheated on her.

It leaves me feeling unwanted and undesirable. It doesn't appear to bother her. "Sorry, honey. I just don't have the same drive as you do," is all I get.

Hi, my wife and I are both 33 and we've been together for 11 years. She is the only one I've been with completely. I have had encounters, but no one I fully gave my heart to. I in turn am the only female relationship she has been in. She's had boyfriends before me, but that is something I cared less about.

Now onto our issue at hand.. Like all relationships "Lesbian Bed Death" (LBD) has occurred in our marriage. We've talked about trying to cure this dry spell and for a month things would be ok and she promised she would try to be more sexual, but it soon returns back to a sexless marriage. She claims her sex drive is low and she's always tired from working 2 FT jobs as a Registered Nurse. I'm very understanding of this but I can't help but to question my capabilities of pleasing her. Thinking to myself "if the sex is so good, why don't we have sex more often?" Or asking myself if she's still attracted to me and if she is a lesbian. I love my wife, but this has lead me to lose my sexual attraction for her. At times I go bars and I meet women that I am so attracted to, but I can't do anything because I would never want to hurt my wife. Am I curious to see what other women feel and taste like, because my wife is the only one I've been with. We've spoken about me having possible flings, but I can't build up the courage to do so because I just don't want to hurt anyone especially my wife. I'm also scared that our marriage will never be the same if I do so.

This is our second cycle of LBD, our first lasted for over 3 years we had sex once a week for a month and then back to having no sex at all. Now this is our second cycle of LBD and has lasted 19 months and counting. Will she ever change or do I have to look elsewhere to fulfill my sexual desires? Please help!

I am in a different phase compared to some of u ladies here...i have DID and hence a part of me is sexual and I am asexual. My GF of 2.5 years is understanding and knows that I am asexual but the other part is not...so we are quite content...I think in the end for me as an asexual intimacy is all about 99% communication and 1% sex...however I do understand the need of sex as a union...I think the best thing would be to talk about it with a therapist and see what can be done if thats the only bone in contention.

i think lbd is definetly a real thing. and i personally believe it has alot to do with hormones. as well as medical conditions and medications.
i think though if this is occuring it is not as bad as some make out.because there is always a million other ways to be intimate without actual sex.
my wife and i have been together for 5 years and sex is almost non existent. but actually since the sex stopped we have become closer than ever.we talk more , and we do other intimate things with each other.
i think lbd just forces us to connect with our partners on a whole new level that can be just as exciting and fun

It seems your ex used im not attracted to you like i was at the start (what was she thinkn the rest of time then) as an excuse to run and just give up. 5yrs worth of love aint easy to give up, or memories at least. I just think maby she aint ready to commit to a two way relationship, Roleplay spices shit up. Probs one ov the orignals