Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
We met each other online on Facebook roleplay on January 15th 2014 and got together about a month later. We're both 17 turning 18, almost hitting one year, but somewhere in December 2014 I felt my feelings fading. I brushed it off at first assuming its the honeymoon period ending, but I no longer felt any sort of attraction towards her or butterflies. I see her as a really good friend and I find it hard to say I love her. I have no idea what was wrong with me, because she is pretty awesome, apart from the fact that she's rather high maintenance. She has a lot of family problems like abuse from her parents and she s gotten kicked out several times, and has depression and anxiety issues(panic attacks) and was even diagnosed with mild scoliosis. I endured everything, was there to listen, give advice and constantly comfort and reassure her, but it was starting to take a toll on me. There's only so much a person can take and I feel like I was being pushed past my breaking point. It was also my fault for giving her hope that I could handle it when in fact I was just trying to help her at the cost of my own happiness -- I can't say I'm completely okay atm. We got into a huge argument last night because we were discussing this topic - I told her about it a few days ago but I kept it for so long because I couldn't find the right time to tell her when she had so much going on. I didn't want her more upset. We blew up at each other last night and I assumed she was going to break up with me, but she instead stated she had no intention and accused me for anticipating our split and basically everything is a mess rn. We re completely cutting off ties for now, and I'm giving us both a few days to think everything out. I have to get back to her by valentine's, and our one year is 3 days after. Now that I think back on it, I didn't know if I was really in love with her to begin with.. I lacked the butterflies, I didn't have any butterflies with her at all, thinking it was different and this was actually going to work. Because all my previous flings had butterflies but they disappeared and the relationships ended together with them. I don't know what to do and I'm honestly in a rut rn, is breaking up an option or no?
When I was your age, I had been in an LDR with a girl for almost 5-years. We even got to that point of being engaged, but looking back on it now...we were only together because we depended on each other for affection, for having that person there, for having someone to turn to. We had a great friendship, but there really was no love there...just an obsession with the idea of it.
If you find that you're not really attracted to her anymore, and if you find it hard to tell her that you love her, then you have to be willing to admit that maybe there is something lacking. Maybe you should discuss physically meeting if you think that might help, by all means, try and fix your relationship first before ending it...but, if this person is not someone you can see yourself with anymore and you think you made better friends, then there is no shame in calling things off. No one should feel stuck just because they want to make someone else happy...remember that your happiness matters to.
LDRs are no joke...they can work, but they take a lot of effort on both sides, and sometimes you have to go through many trials and errors, even different people before you get it right. Just take a deep breath and really just go with your gut on this one.