Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group

This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.

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/ Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group

label lost

NeverOver
NeverOver
Wow its been a long while since I have been here.
Today I'm looking for support, and honest reactions. However lets hope for not hurtful honesty.

I am single, I have been a string of unhealthy relationships. One of my closest friends is a man. He's a bit older, he's also a mentor on my study of Monty religion. He has sat back and watched me go through relationship after relationship. Never says anything bad just offers his support when I get hurt. After the last one he was really bothered by the pain it caused me. Righteously so. I probably shouldn't have been it but the sex was nice. I'm not a woman that does one night stand or hook ups. I'm the type that only had sex with women when I'm in a relationship.

My friend feels that my need for sex is making decisions on who I date. Which is true. His offer is to relieve my sexual desire.. here I must say the man is completely impotent. COMPLETELY. His offer of sex, is lesbian sex, his penis does not factor in. It doesn't work.

To accept this offer am I tarnishing my lesbian title? Would you judge a potential lover if she told you she had sex on occasion with a man, yet not with his penis. The only pleasure he gets is what would see and feel from me receiving pleasure.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Why do you care what other people think of what you do with your own body?
If it's something you want to do, do it.
NeverOver
NeverOver
Thank you for being supportive. My therapist had suggested I'm too open minded to be a lesbian and that I fall more under pansexual
Joanie92
Joanie92
Some lesbians would feel too uncomfortable to enjoy sex with men, while others would feel 100% comfortable and so would be able to enjoy it. There are women who consider themselves lesbians because they simply have way more intense feelings for girls, they don't have any particular issues with men. So there are different "degrees" of lesbians, different cases, you know. The only reason why you're lost is because you give too much importance to what others will think of your situation. Some will say : You're not a lesbian, you're bi. Others will say : It doesn't make you bi, you're still a lesbian! So you can't choose based on what others would think, it's just impossible. And not good for you. You need to figure it out yourself and not care about what others will think.

I understand that you feel the need to label yourself and that it can be confusing, but deep down, you should know the answer. Don't listen to your therapist, listen to your inner voice. If the thought of being bisexual makes you feel uncomfortable or doesn't sound right to you, then it's because you're not bisexual honey :) If you want my opinion, I don't think it makes you bisexual. To me, being bisexual would imply that you are naturally sexually attracted to men too. Meaning, that you would naturally, without questioning yourself, get sexual thoughts when looking at some men and feel sexually attracted to them. To the point where you feel the need to act on those feelings. It's my opinion and if I can give you another advice, I would say don't question yourself too much. You can question yourself of course, but at some point you have to stop and just let your thoughts guide you. It's the best way to figure things out. Good luck. :)
MsTeriLyn
MsTeriLyn
I wish society was more advanced and sex wasn't how we interpreted our attractions to other human beings. Our minds are SO Much more fun than sex.

(hug)

I love what Joanie92 said, "Don't listen to your therapist, listen to your inner voice." Because honey.. you aren't something that is to be molded by society, or someone who fits a puzzle like the girl down the street....you are YOU.

I would like to humbly suggest that you stop listening to society, friends and your own inner guilt/fear - take a deep, deep breath,..and listen to yourself. Listen to that inner voice. Decide that tomorrow morning you are going to wake up and Be Totally Yourself.

Then and only then will you be faced with the challenge of why you are even considering this arrangement. ( hug )