Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group

This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.

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/ Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group

Kids or no kids

TML14
TML14

is there anyone who has been in a relationship where one partner wanted to have a child and the other does not.  How did you handle it?  I would love to hear any stories and or advice from either side. 

introvert61
introvert61
No couple who isn't on the same page child wise should get together. Neither of you is going to successfully change the other's mind.
darkside2276
darkside2276
Having a child is a responsibility. Me and my partner made the decision of not having kids and I have met women where the relationship broke because one of them didn't want kids and other one did. It's kinda hard to be under the same roof not wanting the same thing for happiness sake.
1confuzedlezzie
1confuzedlezzie
I've been in this situation. My wife always wanted to have a child and I didn't want to have one. Not because I didn't want the responsibility - I just simply didn't want to bring a child into this world. My wife and I were together for 11 years before I finally gave in and agreed to have a child because I saw how important it was to her. With that said, from the moment of conception I was in love. The day she was born I fell even more in love, and I continue to fall more in love with my daughter everyday and she is now 7 and I couldn't imagine my life without her. However, not everyone is like me and I don't advise anyone to have a child if they really don't want to - and unless you're with someone that you want in your life forever, because once the child is here you're tied to them in a way whether you stay together or not. It's definitely a serious decision that should not be made lightly. Even though my decision was mostly based on wanting to make my wife happy and I don't regret it, I still wouldn't advise someone else to make that decision for the same reason - if that makes sense. I'm not sure if you're the one who wants children or if it's your partner. But if you're the one who doesn't and you're absolutely sure you never will, the best thing to do would to express your feelings with your partner and allow them to make an informed decision about whether to continue the relationship without the possibility of chikdren, or try to find someone who is more compatible in terms of what they want.
mokohoko1
mokohoko1
You need to be on the same page. I had small children (6, 8, 12) when I met my current partner. She KNEW this upfront. It must've took her almost 2 years to acclimate to them, to accept them as part of MY life. I led a double life for most of our relationship...one with her, one with them. To her, once they turn 18, set them free and move on. She doesn't understand children are FOREVER responsibility. It never ends..

If someone doesn't want children, in my experience, it's set in stone for them. And it won't make for a good partnership. And it's not a good idea to try and change their mind...