I'm sorry your Holiday's weren't all you deserved them to be Ali. If I'm reading this correctly, your family didn't invite you to their Thanksgiving because you're dating your sister's X? If so, that is a very bitter and heartwrenching action. Especially for your children. What did you end up doing?

I remember back when you asked this group if you should go ahead and date your sister's X. If I remember correctly, you were advised to tread lightly and I outright warned you of the consequences. You were quite sure your sister would be fine with it and apparently went ahead with it. Now, the very delicate balance of sisterly trust and honor has been severely damaged. Iam so very, very sorry. It certainly is not what you deserve.

As I say, many, many times over, all the choices we make, we alone are accountable for. Your current g/f has no obligation to you because of the decisions you've made, dear one.

Ali, your very dear and deeply sensitive heart has a history of being unable to see 'red flags'. You are driven so deeply by your hearts desire; continually rushing forward and focusing only on your goal ~"the woman of your desire" ~ that everything else within the environment sitting along the perimeter is a blur and not noticable to you. What does your 'gut' tell you hon? Are You Upset? Is this the feeling you have? Then, be upset dear one. Follow and acknowledge your feelings ~ always, always, always.

Always be direct. Always ask the question. Here, you may want to ask, "Why would it be stressful for me to join in with your family? Is there something about our relationship you are uncomfortable with and will you talk to me about it please?" Listen to her words and then watch her actions. She may not have the moxy to be straight up with you (an unfortunate, ongoing condition throughout all of society), but you have the personal obligation to yourself and your children to hear the truth, understand things as they are, and reground yourself to it.

Being unsure of showing your feelings is not necessary for you, nor is it healthy Ali. The only way you are going to learn about human nature, yourself and what the real truth is, ..is to stay open and be true to yourself. This is your life and your journey. You will Only learn how to read people and discover yourself by trial and error. It will be....ugh...painful. It was for me! Oh yes.

Stand still; see life alone for awile, find your strength in who you are Ali. Nobody on this Earth is as unique and beautiful as you are. Revel in this ~ trust it; learn and grow into it dear one. Remain accountable for your actions and demand that others are as well.

((long hug))
PS: I was alone on Thanksgiving and cooked a 12lb turkey. If we lived closer, I would have shared! I was busy counting my blessings yesterday and would have been happy to share the experience with you :O)

I'm so sorry you are hurting hon.

I thought this was a reaaaaallllly bad idea all along. There is just no way it is/was going to turn out good.

Teri put it very eloquently. She has great advice.

My best to you. {{{{hugs}}}

my family didnt invite me until the last minute. it was supposed to be at my mothers but due to death in family she wasnt up to cooking so told me she was going to another sisters house and only asked if me and kids would be ok. the rest i just came up with in my own head. as far as my gf i totally misunderstood my sister and by then it was too late. she told me straight up that i would be very forturnate to have her ex in my life because she is a wonderful person. so i took that and ran with it. so i went for the weekend and the next day my sister started the texts telling me if anything happened i am basically dead to her and will never be forgiven. this has been extremely hard for me to deal with. i was not one hundred percent sure if she meant as friends or not so this i will have to live with. she will never ever forgive me. so now in finding a partner i am extremely at ease with i lost my sister and caused my children to loose out. i always always have a very difficult time at holidays because dont have the kids all day. i get very depressed and am always looking for somewhere to go. i dread waking up alone and sad but know i will get through it just dont think i will now. i havent been able to afford to continue counceling and really need to go. i am so much better than previously but still have along way to go. i scare myself sometimes. and i am far from dumb just got this big heart that tends go to the ones it shouldnt. i had long talk with friend just not about the christmas thing. thank you so much for both of your advice im exhausted am rambling

I really didn't follow your follow up post hon and I'm sorry!!

I've known you for several months and I think you are a very rare, precious, loving soul. All I can offer to you is what I have lived by for many, many years.

Say what you feel and mean what you say. You are the type that has to learn from her mistakes - three fold. So get it out there! Stand your ground, tell it like it is for you.. ~ and then honey.. absorb! Learn from it!

So, it may take you a few dozen times.. so the Hell What. You are on this planet to Succeed dear one. Do you need a tougher soul and exterior? No. You need to find a way to hold on to that glorious sensitivity.. but stand strong like the unbelievable warrior that you are and absorb and practice the lessons. Take them with you and become wiser, slower in your pace and more secure within your own Heart.

((Ali)) My heart goes out to you honey.

thank u so much ms teri i am thankful for your advice. ya have tried many times t be a tough girl doesnt work for me. but am trying to stand my own ground. she said i could come up the weekend before but that is not ok with me. soon i will have the strength hopefully to tell her so. i told her i will be alone for christmas eve and the morning and she said we will figure something out. its a ldr . thanks again for everything i know i havent always acted like i wanted your advice but 99% time u are dead on right .

HI Ali,
Sorry your holiday was not what you deserved. Relationships are tough anyway you look at them. I wish that I know you lived in Peabody!!! I am in New Bedford., you could have come here. You are new at being out of the closet and experiencing so many new feelings. It is hard to make the right choices, but sometimes you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. Maybe your sister is not really over her ex, there are so many possibilities of why??? I am here if you need to talk... Altheia

thanku