Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
I am a 38 y/o bi female currently in a new relationship with a 30 y/o lesbian female. We have been dating a little over a month now, so it's rather new to us both. I have dated other females but only been in one other "relationship" with a female. Emily, my current g/f has dated other females and has been in one serious relationship as well. We get along good, have similar interests, enjoy spending time together, etc. When we are out in public, we do not hide our relationship, we hold hands, wrap our arms around each other, stuff like that. The real issue is this. I am the giver in the relationship. I like to kiss, touch, be close, and I enjoy giving her sexual stimulation. I do it because I enjoy it, because I want to, because it gives me great pleasure. She turns me on greatly. I would give her even more, but she never initiates anything with me. If it happens, it's because I start it and I finish it and she does not reciprocate in any way. Not to mention, during sex, I get NOTHING from her, no moaning, no talking, no indication that she is even enjoying it. After taking all the time necessary to make sure she reaches orgasm, we snuggle, and go to sleep. I don't feel comfortable asking for reciprocation because I feel like that should be a given. I've broached the subject with her, and she says she will work on it. I am already frustrated with things. It's been 2 weeks since anything sexual has happened, even a french kiss. What should I do?
Even if you are not personally comfortable with bringing up this issue...there are things you obviously need to discuss because it is affecting your relationship. There are so many variables here that it is hard for me to give solid advice. You have to figure that sex and sexuality have some many different things to cover that you really need to focus in on what the real issue is.
I can tell that you are a very sexual being (because of your post), bu the real question is: "Is she"?
For example...about 5 months ago, I broke up with my partner of 4.5 years. It was because of multiple things, but sex was one of them. As a sexual being myself, I like having sex at least once a week and enjoy more than just tiny kisses. I like deep, sensual kisses, and I am very, very affectionate. However, my ex was not. We might have sex once every 2 months and it would only last about 15 minutes when I could go for hours. I never reached an orgasm with her, and, on top of all that...we liked different things. I liked penetration, she did not. I liked foreplay, she thought foreplay meant 3 minutes of touching before she threw ona strap-on. She liked vibration, I did not. She would not stimulate me enough, so we always had to use lube, and she did not do anything like scratching or biting, all things that I enjoyed. She also did not make any noise and I never knew whether or not she liked what I was doing and it was all this that ended up making me very unsatisfied with our sex life. Granted, I did eventually tell her what was on my mind and it caused a fight and things never changed...but it's better for you to get it out of the way now before you're in this relationship for years and still not getting what you want.
Perhaps she is still being affected over something that happened in her last relationship? Like I said, maybe she does not need as much affection or sex and therefore does not know how reciprocate things? Ask her...talk to her, communicate with her and start finding ways to fix the issue. While people hate doing it, schedule special days to make love. Try new things to spice up the bedroom and see if maybe that works.
If things don't change, then maybe this is not a relationship that is going to work with you. Personalities and wants should meld and compliment each other...not push away from each other. You know?