Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
Hello! Not sure if i'm going to get much of a response on here as this is more of a polyamorous question rather than a lesbian one. I tried reaching out to the poly section of DS but there doesn't seem to be much going on so I'm hoping some of you amazing queers can help me out :)
I've recently started dating one of the most incredible women I've ever met. We've been dating for nearly two months now and she just told me a few days ago that she want to sleep with one of her good friends. (They had casual sex on and off for months up until we started dating, and this woman has two partners already). I knew going into this relationship that my g.f would want to open it up at some point and start sleeping with other women/ and potentially having more partners,
as she identifies pretty strongly with poly.
So knowing all of this and choosing to try it out I'm pretty surprised at the level of anxiety and fear I'm experiencing right now. I consider myself a very open person and am always looking at ways to challenge myself and grow, and yet this whole poly thing is really throwing me for a bit of a loop. I really want to get into a place where I can feel safe and secure knowing my g.f. is sleeping with someone else she cares about (I actually really like and respect this particular friend and we've even talked about having group sex with her), but I've been raised (like the majority of our population) to see sex and intimacy as being a special act that should ONLY happen with one other person, and only with a person you're committed to. Intellectually I see how flawed this is, but emotionally I have a lot of fear surrounding what it means to practice poly and how my g.f. (and potentially me down the road) sleeping with other people may affect the relationship we have.
I really hope anyone who responds to this is non-judgmental and can help ease my fears in all of this. I've been doing a lot of research and trying to figure out how my g.f. can make me feel safe in our relationship. I know it's nothing i'm doing wrong or that I'm 'not enough', shes just very sexual and this is the kind of lifestyle that shes interested in trying right now. (she has told me shes not sure she wants to be poly/ open forever but right now shes interested in this and wants me to be a part of it).
sorry this is so long! Any advice or words of wisdom would be amazing! :)
I've recently started dating one of the most incredible women I've ever met. We've been dating for nearly two months now and she just told me a few days ago that she want to sleep with one of her good friends. (They had casual sex on and off for months up until we started dating, and this woman has two partners already). I knew going into this relationship that my g.f would want to open it up at some point and start sleeping with other women/ and potentially having more partners,
as she identifies pretty strongly with poly.
So knowing all of this and choosing to try it out I'm pretty surprised at the level of anxiety and fear I'm experiencing right now. I consider myself a very open person and am always looking at ways to challenge myself and grow, and yet this whole poly thing is really throwing me for a bit of a loop. I really want to get into a place where I can feel safe and secure knowing my g.f. is sleeping with someone else she cares about (I actually really like and respect this particular friend and we've even talked about having group sex with her), but I've been raised (like the majority of our population) to see sex and intimacy as being a special act that should ONLY happen with one other person, and only with a person you're committed to. Intellectually I see how flawed this is, but emotionally I have a lot of fear surrounding what it means to practice poly and how my g.f. (and potentially me down the road) sleeping with other people may affect the relationship we have.
I really hope anyone who responds to this is non-judgmental and can help ease my fears in all of this. I've been doing a lot of research and trying to figure out how my g.f. can make me feel safe in our relationship. I know it's nothing i'm doing wrong or that I'm 'not enough', shes just very sexual and this is the kind of lifestyle that shes interested in trying right now. (she has told me shes not sure she wants to be poly/ open forever but right now shes interested in this and wants me to be a part of it).
sorry this is so long! Any advice or words of wisdom would be amazing! :)
I think you may need to do some real soul searching here. Figure out what your needs are. You are not more open minded, or intellectually free if you explore a path that is wrong for you. Being open minded and intellectually free only applies in realizing for some, that path is right for them. Knowing the difference comes from self-awareness and wisdom.
As to how to live with a poly mate. As with any relationship, you set up boundaries. For her, it is going to be that she is free to have sex with whomever she choses. I think that she is telling you, who that person is, is a good sign. As to your needs, your boundaries for her, well, you will have to come up with those. If she can agree to them, then you should feel secure in that poly relationship.
Just two cents worth.