Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
I'll give some basic background info to begin with :)
I met a girl online when I was 11/12ish. I knew I loved her straight away. She was just under 4 years older and lived over 2 hours drive away. We found out we went on holiday to the same place so arranged to meet. Spent a week together and it was perfect. (I was 14 then, her 18.)
She passed her driving test and had a car so came to see me a lot. She moved in with me and my Mum when I was 16. But then we decided to move to her home town (lived with her parents.)
We both suffer with depression and with us both being really down we began to drift apart. We both needed each other to be there for one another but we just couldn't.
We decided to have a break. I came back to my Mums. 4 days later I got a text saying it's over between us. Later she admitted she was in love with her ex and ended up moving her in. Though her ex didn't love her. She was really insensitive about the whole thing. Especially when I went to get the rest of my things from her house.
I was angry upset and hurt. A relationship of over 3 years and she ended things with a text and treated me like I meant nothing, like I was nothing.
We've been talking over the past two days though. She has apologized a lot. Said she's not been doing to good, that her GP put her on anti-depressants. She said that she missed me 'cause I was her best friend for so long. Her friend told me that she said she realised she had everything she wanted before, but didn't realise until it [me] was gone.
There's been cautious talk about the idea of getting back together. I invited her to come here on the 12th of July. She said she would.
I'm just cautious. I don't know whether I'm just a plan B because things didn't go how she wanted with her ex. Because now she's lonely and depressed. Or whether she has just actually realised that she loves me and the whole split was a mistake.
I just know I never stopped loving her. From the day I saw her... I knew I wanted to spend my life with her. She was the most beautiful person I'd ever seen, inside and out.
I'm just so scared of being hurt again.
I guess I just wanted your opinions/advice on the situation? I don't know whether to risk it or not. Or what I can do to best prevent me being hurt again?
I met a girl online when I was 11/12ish. I knew I loved her straight away. She was just under 4 years older and lived over 2 hours drive away. We found out we went on holiday to the same place so arranged to meet. Spent a week together and it was perfect. (I was 14 then, her 18.)
She passed her driving test and had a car so came to see me a lot. She moved in with me and my Mum when I was 16. But then we decided to move to her home town (lived with her parents.)
We both suffer with depression and with us both being really down we began to drift apart. We both needed each other to be there for one another but we just couldn't.
We decided to have a break. I came back to my Mums. 4 days later I got a text saying it's over between us. Later she admitted she was in love with her ex and ended up moving her in. Though her ex didn't love her. She was really insensitive about the whole thing. Especially when I went to get the rest of my things from her house.
I was angry upset and hurt. A relationship of over 3 years and she ended things with a text and treated me like I meant nothing, like I was nothing.
We've been talking over the past two days though. She has apologized a lot. Said she's not been doing to good, that her GP put her on anti-depressants. She said that she missed me 'cause I was her best friend for so long. Her friend told me that she said she realised she had everything she wanted before, but didn't realise until it [me] was gone.
There's been cautious talk about the idea of getting back together. I invited her to come here on the 12th of July. She said she would.
I'm just cautious. I don't know whether I'm just a plan B because things didn't go how she wanted with her ex. Because now she's lonely and depressed. Or whether she has just actually realised that she loves me and the whole split was a mistake.
I just know I never stopped loving her. From the day I saw her... I knew I wanted to spend my life with her. She was the most beautiful person I'd ever seen, inside and out.
I'm just so scared of being hurt again.
I guess I just wanted your opinions/advice on the situation? I don't know whether to risk it or not. Or what I can do to best prevent me being hurt again?
I also made sure to let her know how badly she hurt me. And when she said she was sorry I told her ''I want to say it's okay, but it's not. You really hurt me''
A friend of hers told me how she said she had everything she wanted (with me) but didn't realise until I was gone.
Think it helps that with me moving home again, if we did decided to give it a go again, we would each have space and time to ourselves and could focus on getting to know each other again with days out and stuff.
Oh I forgot to say, it was March 8th (2012) that we broke up. So it's not been too long that we've been apart.
- I also find it funny as I'm writing this I feel like I'm trying to convince myself to go for it. I know it's what my heart wants. I'm just real scared.
And thanks for your comment, it was helpful!
You asked, "what can I do to best prevent me being hurt again?"
Answer: Nothing. Honey,..Pain is always going to be a part of life...because it's the only time we stop and listen to our wake up call. It's the only time when we really think about what we're doing to ourselves or another person (hug)
Life isn't all about pleasure and joy, it's about learning and growing into the woman you are meant to be :O) You have many decades of life and love to experience :O)
You're both just now getting out into the world; so be patient, kind and gentle with each other :O) There are many, many more years before you both (hug)
Do what you need to do Today sweet girl. Don't let fear be your reason for not trying; you have plenty of time to fall, hurt, grow and learn so that one day... your Many Experiences will be your Guide :O)
PS: There is a group here on Daily Strength for young women your age that you might want to check out! :O)
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Gay-Lesbian-Teens/support-group
The best advice i can give you is, you are young and learning as MsTeri said. Part of that learning process is learning how to trust your gut. Our "gut" is a very, very poignant response to what our hearts refuse to see.
Its not unusual to hear someone say after a break up, "I had a gut feeling, but i tried anyway....". Cleary we can see, the problem is not the trying but rather, the ignoring the gut. I suspect your hesitation has to do with your gut....if so. listen to it, it won't steer you wrong. If you can fine tune that skill, you will avoid lots of hurt in your lifetime. Otherwise, hurt is just part of growth, a part of life. We can't learn the joys of love and life without the pain and hurt of loss and knowledge.
The other thing to consider here is age. When you are 18 she will be 22 and that is a pretty steep difference at that time. When you're 24 and she's 28, the difference is reduced. I'm hoping you are getting what i'm saying here. Take that into consideration when thinking of what you want to do.
Good luck to you...but life still lays fully ahead of you. There is time to meet many many people. Don't cut yourself off from meeting others, whether or not they be gf's, or she is.