women are horrible, cruel, clever and vicouse creatures. just remember that they're also beautiful compassionate complex and powerful. it's all worth it when you find one who won't shred your heart and save it as fodder for fights with future lovers.

I have to say that im sorry its been a rough time for you,,,, being with another ought to make you feel like your walkin in the clouds it shouldnt be so hard and should come natural to look forward to being together and infact feel like you cant get enough time together when you actually spend alot of time together its taking every oppurtunity to look foreward to that time whether it be shopping, watching a show , working in the yard, cleaning house or being intimate,,,,, I think fore me alot of the above lets me know whaen i know im in a healthy relationship where the feelings are mutual and shared in a deep an continuous way, respect for the other, no one in control but both looking out for whats best for each other and what makes each other happy~~~ theres a peace, a inner joy and happiness and a feeling that all is good and a peace, hon when you are crying and torn up something along the way just isnt right.... common goals, its absorbing each other in spirit, mind emotions,,,,, its having a smile on your faces even to think of one another,,,,,,,,,,,, happiness and love walk hand in hand~~ the person completes you as you do her,,,,,,, its living in a world full of ppl yet thinking you two are the only people that exists.... its not having to beg, but knowing she cant wait to be with you and her anticipation is just as much as yours,,,,,I hope you have some other comments on this... I believe im to much like you in the way in which if i am with someone she is my addiction,,,, im consumed with her and have everything about her memorized,,,,,,, thank you for sharing~ KD

im hoping i hit my bottom and wont go back for more. i look really intelligent standing in grocery store crying cause women i was begging and begging to come see me refused to. its very degrading when i beg. i sent her an email cause trying not to text saying how sorry i was for being so needy and screwing things up but then i did stand up for myself a little bit but then i got angry and mean. i guess when someone couldnt look me in the eye or let me hold them or touch them i should have stopped blaming myself. im so damn sad and scared and worried about her when i should be so damn angry. i feel like a screw up. first time i gave someone a drawer in ten years now i cant even walk into room and look at it without crying. ugh thank god i got called into work cause i think it saved my sorry ass from loosing it

I received some great advice from here. "Never make someone a priority that only wants to make you one of their options". There is someone else out there that will love you back the way you love them.

Great words of wisdom here already!

I'm so sorry you are going through this hon, but it's part of your 'learning' journey :O/ You are supposed to learn something and most of the education is going to be about yourself :O)

Aside from what mysteries, beauty and joy destiny has in store for you, try to remember that what this woman does has absolutely NO reflection on the wonderful, caring, deserving person you are. I know it's hard to wrap your mind around this, but in all honesty honey..it's simply up to you and you alone to realize this.

After you heal a bit,..gather your strength, do not let fear hold you back and take baby step towards your future. A new, different and much healthier adventure awaits you and it's going to be ...Awesome...

thank you all for your support. doing little better than i thought i would. we still talking by text and email now. guess not up to talking. she says she misses me and feels like an ass. i miss her bad but no cant be the way it was. she said she needs someone that doesnt act so emotional and can stand up on her own two feet. and doesnt act like shes 17. she wanted me to make all the decisions. i been on my own for 10 years and have had noone pay for things like she does. im not comfy letting anyone paying anything. she says i have no confidence and she wants someone that does and thats not so emotional.

Im hearing you say she wants you to be anything other then you are.... how can love be so unaccepting of the person as they are right where they are.... you are you, are you the same person you was when you both got together? and thats more then enough its amazing that ppl attempt to change one another. hon you are a beautiful person just as you are and more then enough,,, embrace the beauty in you and know that self love and acceptance is so very important, if you change for another then you lose you and find yourself unhappy because the person is forever changing you and its an ongoing process that continues,,, its so much nicer to be w someone who just simply accepts and admires you for you are at any given moment,
love embraces, I half to ask myself if she grew up with controlling parents who demanded changes from her and who her best wasnt good enough for? if so it sounds like you are now her victim as she was the victim previously, (just something to think about).I sound so neg and Im sorry, (hug),,, anyone would be very fortunate to be with you as a friend as a partner, stay the beautiful person you are, youll be amazed how much relief you will feel and how light hearted when the right one comes along that accepts and loves you and embraces u with unconditional love and laughter and is supportive of you and what you want. you know I wish you all the best, KD

damn woman u are smart. yes she grew up with and still lives with very very controlling parents. she was never good enough at anything and not supported in anyway. she is so stressed cause she puts so much pressure on herself at work cause shes scared she is going to screw up and get in trouble. she has panic attacks before she even goes in. but yes once again im sitting here on my bed waiting for the text that says hey can i stop by and say hello on my way too work instead of packing my shit to take to my sisters for the weekend. ok im up and gonna go pack cause now sound like an ass. will chat later.

Sounds like maybe a part of you would like to rescue her and sees her as a victim , a princess in distress? regardless of situations we experience when we are growing up, as we get in our mid to late teens somewhere reality hits we have to choose to stay in the same rut or to take our lives and make them what we want them to be,,, she has a choice victim of family of panic attacks or survivor.... to choose to survive would mean her being willling to let herself be happy, I dont share alot about myself, but I grew up in the system, was raped repeatedly, I took the experience and went to college and into Psychology to work with women who were victims of sexual abuse, I am a survivor not a victim,,,, we all have choices to get better, to move on and away from what has caused us pain in our lives, what about you? you cannot heal her, you cannot help her and make it all okay? she has to do that for herself, yes u can be supportive but hon comes a time when the past cant be the reason for her behavior today, or the drama, maybe its been in some ways comfortable for her to hold onto the past cause it gives her a reason to validate hurting you and you feeling like they should accept it? hon, You can love someone, but love yourself and be healthy yourself, you cant take on all the problems of someone elses past and you deserve to be happy,,,, in life and in love, many women would give anything to be so loved and thought so much of as you do her,,,,, theres women out there looking for someone just like you. this seems to be a roller coaster? Is it worth the ride fir you and your kids? you are showing them what relationships and love is all about and so is she~~ you and the kid deserve so much peace, consistency, stability, laughter, ,,,, im not meaning to sound offensive and i so hope its not coming cross like that, I do care about you and the kids,,,,,,hon your emotional mental and physical health is important, I hear you saying u try and try and yet what are you getting in return? a relationship involves give and take by both,, and a mutual sharing and intimacy that is sacred and a very deep spiritual connection, do you deserve or truly want anything less in life or in love? (hugs) ~ KD