Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
Hey, so i've come out to my immediate family and close friends, but my cousins/aunts/uncles all think I'm straight. I moved across the country a few years ago and only go back once or twice a year, but now one of my cousins (who i'm pretty close with) is coming to visit in a few weeks and I think i'm ready to tell her. The only problem is I don't know how. When i've come out to my immediate family I usually cried or had panic attacks shortly before telling them. I hate feeling like i'm giving someone bad news, but I don't think I should just send out a mass email to my remaining family until i've personally told the ones that mean the most to me. I know my cousin will be okay with it, but i don't know how to approach the subject or if I should tell her before she comes or when she's here in person. It also sucks that I have to block most of my cousins from seeing a lot of my fb page b/c i'm worried they'll: a) tell everyone else in the family and i'm not ready to deal with 40 relatives knowing quite yet or b) say something extremely hurtful/ ignorant on fb
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!!!!
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!!!!
Frankly i would wait until she comes out and starts figuring something out. I'm thinking acting like its not a big deal, should give her the same impression.
Personally, i'm not one to apologize for who i am. I don't expect anyone else to apologize for who they are, and expect the same respect from others. It sounds like you might not feel the same way? I would love to see a day that all lesbians....gay men, do not apologize to anyone for who they are. It is what it is, you are what you are.
Unblocking people on fb will let everyone know at the same time...so who are they going to run and tell if you have allowed everyone to see all? I doubt many are going to make a huge issue of it, especially on the public website. Then again, we never know.
I would just wait till your cousin comes out, and if she begins asking questions and you want to answer, go for it. If what you are thinking however about letting cousins seeing ur fb page is true, this cousin will probably let others know at some point as well. Go for it.
If your immediate family is ok, you have the support you need. The hell with the rest (but i believe extended families follows the actions of the immediate). Good luck to you, you'll be fine. No matter what, remember, you are gay, nothing horrible, nothing perverse. A nice, thoughtful, intelligent gay woman. That should be good enough for those looking back at you.
When I started to tell my cousins about me, they were very supportive. Most of them already suspected. Do you think any of your family already suspects? Think of it from their perspective. If they suspect you are gay, but you've never said anything, then they're probably just waiting for you to be comfortable enough to say something.
You said you know your cousin will be okay with it, so I think you should just tell her. Wait until it's just the two of you and say to her there's something you've been wanting to tell her. She may react as though she already knows what you want to say. I'm telling you, your heart is going to be racing and probably sitting in your throat the whole time, but you will feel so much better when you say the words to her. And if she's accepting, as you think she will be, you'll feel so much closer to your family.
Good luck. Let us know how it turns out.
In particular, I have a cousin who is very close to my age and we have always been very connected. She also went to a christian high school & college and is very active in her church. I remember stressing so much about telling her because I just didn't want to lose her friendship or have her view me in a negative way. When I finally did come out to her it was so unlike what I had feared. She was very supportive and reassuring toward me. She made sure I knew that it didn't change anything about her love and respect for me. In fact, she mentioned to me months later that by me finally telling her the truth it made a lot of things click for her in regard to me and my life.
I know not every situation will go smoothly or without some backlash from people but I think it's just so important for us to be out and honest about our lives as much as possible. And I do believe the more people you come out to, the more comfortable and at ease you feel with yourself. I wish you the best and I'm sure you'll know exactly what to say when the time arrives.
you are ohhhhh so correct when you said, "I think its important to be out and honest...." Wise words. And besides, I think people should live their life for themselves ....not others or how they will feel. Good job!