Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
Lately it feels as if my girlfriend and I havent been on the same page in planning how to spend our time together. For example about 2 months ago she expressed wanting to stay in and just spending quality time together instead of going out. Our time together is often limited and we find ourselves running errands or planning other fun activities. I respected what she expressed she needed and for the past month and a half I havent made any plans for us to go out. On two occasions she planned stuff for us to do which I was totally fine with. Now this coming weekend I want to meet up with friends have dinner and go out for drinks. I spoke to her about what I was planning and she responded by saying she wishes we had what other couples take for granted which in our case would be unlimited time together. The conversation then shifted to our finances and budgeting. Needless to say I now feel guilty about wanting to go out. However, I really want to go out and be social in an environment that will make feel carefree and happy. Its frustrating to have these conversations because I always feel like I am in wrong and as if I prioritize different things. I have a lot of responsibilities I work, I am a single Mom, and have other family obligations. I love spending quality time with her but from time to time I want to go out and hang out with friends. I am not one to call friends on the phone or constantly text I value real face interactions. Is that so hard to understand? Anyone have any advice?
One thing that really helped me recently is the reminder that in relationships there are two different people, with different make ups and a different levels of self awareness. So the best way to come to an understanding sometimes is to realize that we are not speaking to ourselves with our own knowledge. We're speaking with someone who we wish thought and felt as we do. Reality is that they are a completely different person, with a different set of values and different mind and process things differently.
I'm trying t use this when working together with my partner and trying to not take things so personally. It helps to remove my expectations and feel less hurt.