Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group

This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.

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JennyColette 09/27/2015

I am having such a hard time living with this child. He is the center of her world. Everything revolves around him. He always gets his way, just because it is easier for her. I have tried to help her with the "big picture", in other words, help her see that he needs to learn some responsibility, but she can't handle that. She wants to do everything for him. I have tried to be understanding, but it is getting more difficult the older he gets. Plus, she will only consider "intimate" time with me, usually only once on a weekend night when the child is at his dad's. My partner has flexible work hours, but she won't even think of having time with me when the child is in school. I really need more intimate time with her. What can I do? Any advice? Thanks so much.

NYgirl212 09/28/2015

Hi Jenny,
I was a teacher once upon a time and autistic children are extremely challenging. I'm not sure that most parents are open to someone else telling them what to do. I had one student whose parents were in total denial, they didn't believe he was autistic and all of his inappropriate behavior was my fault.

My 2 cents is decide if this is ok for you. The child won't change and she is very unlikely to change her parenting. Accept it or move on. That might seem cold but I think it's important to know what things are deal breakers.

Hugs
NY

MsTeriLyn 09/28/2015

I agree with NYgirl212.

You might seek out any local autistic parent groups or counseling; then take a quiet moment and sit her down for a 'serious talk'. Share your ..... 'I feel'.... thoughts and suggest the professional help you've found.

There aren't many options here, and you will need to prepare yourself for a painful outcome.

healinginohio 09/29/2015

I don't know how long you've been a couple, but it seems clear to me that you may have to end the relationship. She isn't likely to change how she interacts with her child and if she won't consider your needs while he's at school and you could have alone time, then you'll need to decide if it's worth it to you to stay how things are. If it's not worth it and not meeting your needs, you could try to see if she's willing to go to couples counseling to address things or end the relationship and find someone who will care for you in the way you want to be cared for. Local universities often have counseling available through education department or psychology departments that can be for the community and would be able to give you a free or low cost option for treatment if need be. I've used their services often and it's been very helpful.

JennyColette 09/29/2015

Thank you all for your replies. I appreciate it very much. // We have been living together for 3 years; were seeing each other for 2 more years before that. I feel that she is the love of my life. I had been in a very unsatisfying marriage for a long time before I admitted that I am gay. She is my first love. I have sacrificed a TON to be with her, but the returns are diminishing. I still want to be with her, but the challenges seem so overwhelming at times. Thank you all for your good advice and support.

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