Ok I'm 29 in May I left a 4 yr relationship. It wasn't working I didn't love her. I left it with ease. Moved in with my Mother. We were seperated for about a month and I took her back. I refused to move back though. I realized I took her back out of feeling lonely and not love so I ended it again a month later. While we were seperated I met another woman online. We talked constantly I could tell you everything she did on any given day. We grew into a strong friendship and I grew a crush. 5wks ago on a Thursday she came to see me we had planned to go have lunch together. We never left my house we stayed here I gave her a very long massage then we fell asleep in eachother arms. It was clear we were just friends. Very clear for she is in love with another woman. Friday(very next day) she invited me on a ride to take her son to his dad's. We dropped the boy off(adorable little man) and went out to eat. We laughed had a good meal she opened my car door for me on the way home. It had been arranged earlierr that day she was staying with me that night to get her out of her own house. We played on the computer flirted innocently and had a good evening. While were outside smoking I stole her phone and pretended to text someone. Then handed back her phone. The message I had just typed was on the screen it said "i'm fighting the urge to kiss you" she looked at it said nothing and put her phone away. (did i mention she knew I liked her already?) We went back upstairs and I went to the corner I had been sitting in. She had stopped just inside the door and said "hey I haven't had my hug yet." It is our thing to hug eachother everytime we see eachother. I got up hugged her and she kissed me.. We wore out the floor standing there it was a good 30minutes later before we broke the kiss for good. After which she said "i guess you're mine" We messed around on the computer some more and then I gave her a back massage.. She stopped me cause she was gonna fall asleep. Instead we made love. She stayed till Sunday afternoon. We talked Monday she wanted to skip her class(she's 28 and in college) and come see me but I told her she needed to be in class. Tuesday she talked to her ex the woman who hold her heart. I can never compete with her. Wensday she talked to my ex on yahoo and said some mean shit about me. Just about clled me a slut without using the word. I found out Thursday and we faught for a week over it. I had deleted her off my myspace page which to her was the eveilest thing I could do. (we are both myspace junkies)
We finally made up and our friendship has since repaired it self. The problem is I'm not over her It's been 4wks since we made up as friends. To this very second my could cry over the pain I have her. I long to hold her once more. On the rare event I get to talk to her on the phone I hold back the tears that hearing her voice brings. I pretend to be fine all day my Mom things it's nothing. That we split and everythig is fine. I preffer to keep things this way with her I'm 29 and she just can't understand. I have a few close friends who I talk to but talking is not helping. Is there anything that will cure this pain in my chest?