Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group

This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.

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Healthy Relationship?

SpeakTru
SpeakTru

My girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for 2 years and are about to get an apartment together. It’s been a very stressful time as we gear up for school and sort out our finances for the new place. I’m struggling with us so much that I’m worried I’m losing sight of a healthy and happy relationship even with all our added stress. We fight everyday and the one day we didn’t fight we were both walking on eggshells. I get so exhausted from our arguments that I shut down and begin to not care about fighting over the same thing, which, understandably, makes things worse. Sometimes I know somethings wrong, but when I ask she won’t talk about it till later when she explodes. I get communication is key to a relationship which is why sometimes I feel like we will never stop fighting simply because after 2 years we still don’t get each other; humor, need for silence, and whatnot. However, is this normal? What is normal? Am I checking out or am I seeing that this relationship isn’t right? What are things I can do to be better at helping us?

irish_stutter
irish_stutter
Relationships are hard. Nothing about making them work is easy. Communication is key. If you guys can't talk to either other without it turning into a fight, then there is a problem for sure. You should be able to talk to them about anything anytime without it turning into a fight. So what made you guys want to get an apartment together? Just figured it was the next step? If you guys do nothing but fight now, then imagine living together. I am not saying you can't make it work. It will just be hard. It sounds like you guys really need to sit down and have a real heart to heart about what are these fights really about. Is it something that is important and will matter in the future? Or is it something in the long term that will not matter? Life is short. I know its hard to not fight when they say something you don't agree with. Some times you have to pick your battles. Is it truly worth fighting about at the end of the day? Do you believe you guys can find a common ground and not fight all the time? What things do you enjoy doing together? What are your plans for the future? What does your future together look like in your mind? There are two sides to communication. First off you have to be open to whatever your partner is saying to you. Truly listen to what they are saying to you. You have to be able to communicate your feelings without getting angry. When you get angry you say things you don't mean. If its that you need to go cool down before you talk to each other then do that. Angry communication gets you no where. You both have to have a level head to truly talk about something. if you are in an angry state of mind you will not be hearing anything one another says. Learning to effectively communicate gets easier with age. It sounds like to me that in the mist of everything going on, you have forgotten what made you fall in love with each other in the first place. Maybe what you both need to do is sit down separately and write down a list of things you love about each other and the things you wish were different. Don't make this list when you are mad. Sit down and really look at your relationship, the good and the bad. Every relationship is hard. It takes a lot of work to build a relationship and even more to keep it going. But when you are with the right person, it doesn't seem so hard at the end of day from my experience anyway. Hope this helped...