Sorry that this is going to be a mini novel but here goes...I'm 40 yrs old and in my first (and I'm sure only) same sex relationship. My girlfriend and I have been "talking" for over a year & a half, can't really say how long we've been "together" because I have no idea when our anniversary is, we haven't determined when it is we actually got "together". We have lived together for 2 months now. She has known she is gay for 16 yrs but I was never attracted to females before I met her, still not attracted to other females because I only have eyes for her. I was with my ex-husband for 19 yrs and endured ALOT of cheating and abuse (physical, mental and emotional), I was single for 5 yrs after my divorce, had dated a few guys but nothing serious before meeting her. We met through our children, we started talking and just clicked. I have not once questioned my feelings for her or if I want to be with her. I do question her feelings for me and if she wants to be with me. My family and friends are accepting of her, our relationship and her children. The problem is I'm not convinced she really wants to be with me. She has constant contact with 2 of her exes even though she knows that it hurts me. I have told her that I wish she wouldn't talk to them because I don't like it and it makes me feel like I'm not giving her something she needs if she has to have them in her life still. She says that's just me being insecure and not trusting her. Well I have let my insecurities and trust issues get the best of me (better yet the worst of me) and I have gone thru her phone and seen the text messages and emails between them. I would not have done it but she has accused me of doing it several times which really made me suspicious. If she knew that I have done that I think she would end things with me. She doesn't tell me when she has contact with them and then when I ask her about it she lies. She tells me that their communication is not inappropriate however, I have seen otherwise. They still exchange I love you's, plans for the future, sexual messages, and have conversations about me and any disagreement we have. She told one of them that her and I aren't together and she doesn't love me then told the other one that I am not where she wants to be. She knows I saw the email saying she doesn't love me and I asked her if that were true and why she would say that and she said no it's not true she was just talking out of the side of her neck (whatever the hell that means). Anytime I say anything negative about either of her exes she gets very defensive and we end up arguing, it's like they are her precious jewels. I feel like she is playing games and giving me mixed signals and I'm not real sure what to do or how to handle everything. I really believe she's still in love with both of her exes but of course she says she's not. They both questioned and second guessed if they couldn't be with her because she's a girl, plus one of them didn't have family approval and the other didn't have God's approval or her family's so she says she ended things with them so that they could figure out their own lives. She was with one for 4 years and they were engaged, that ex lives 3 states over but calls, texts sometimes they're sexual messages) and emails her constantly and calls her at work. The other ex she was with right before me and they were together for a little over a year and she lives 5 minutes from us; I have found out thru the text messages that they have had lunch together and my girlfriend has taken her things when she was sick. Needless to say she never told me any of that and I wouldn't have known had I not seen the text messages. And of course I can't confront her with everything I know without telling on myself. I'm not at all confused about my feelings for her because I really do love her and felt like I had finally found the person I was supposed to be with, my true love, my forever but now I'm wondering if I just found someone that is making me relive my past by making me compete with other women. She says I am just letting my past, what my ex-husband did to me still control my life, and just because he cheated doesn't mean she will because she's nothing like him...the problem is I'm afraid she is like him in this way because there's other women interfering in our relationship, she's having inappropriate communication with other women, telling me she loves me and wants to be with me, making plans for our future but tells her exes the opposite. Who is she telling the truth to? What do I do?