Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group

This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.

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Rozeo 04/21/2011

I am pretty desperate here and going to be very honest, so PLEASE don't judge me harshly ok? I am 44 yrs old, My gay marriage to a woman broke up over a year ago with her cheating and then leaving me. I started taking a pain med for my teeth, I have NEVER been on any drugs before. I liked how it made me feel (able to cope with the pain) I was devastated losing her. The meds became a problem. A new friend I made pushed her way into my life and started the I love you's and I was honest and told her how i felt abot the ex still. This new friend has had a life long drug problem. after a few months, she moved in with me, I began to see how bad her problems really were and my own became worse. My break up left me broke, and devestated, I began relying more on the med. it got out of hand and became a daily thing for almost a year now. I feel im at my bottom. I want out, I want help badly. 42 years and no addictions and now this, I can hardly belive it. im not inlove with new girl, i keep distant, no intamacy, we only have one thing in common if you know what I mean. Hers has been life long and I dont see it ever changing. I dont know what to do. she has bad temper, all her friends are street people, im scared. i want free of the med and her, scared to be alone. ex still playing games with my heart. This is a complete mess. I want my normal life back. I dont know where to start first in fixing anything. does anyone have any kind advice for me? Thank you.

deleted_user 04/21/2011

I'm so sorry you are in this place right now, however, you have a wonderfully great opportunity to get back to who you were/want to be.

First, you have GOT to get this person out of your house. If she is there, you are not going to be able to take care of the addiction you have. She is going to drag you down unless you break all ties.

Secondly, you will want to find a drug treatment center. They will be able to help you and will probably want you to start NA after your treatment.

As for the ex, you know, I am sure, what needs to be done there for your own peace of mind. Getting clean and focusing on YOU will be a great deterrent for you to possibly break free of the ex ties that bind.

I wish I could be of more help. Please, let us know what you decide so we can give you moral support!

{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}

dreamsicle 04/21/2011

I am soooo sorry to hear about your addiction to pain meds, I had a close friend who had that issue for years. She started attending NA meetings, she had to check out 3 groups before she found one she was comfortable with. Much applause for you for realising you have some issues to over come, there is NO shame or blame here or at NA meetings (or so I have been told). I attended al anon many years ago and found it EXTREMELY HELPFUL and non judgemental. Kaino was so on target with everything she said, especially to get that person out of your house. Good Luck and BIG HUGS AS YOU BEGIN YOUR JOURNEY TO HEALING.

ajr5679 04/22/2011

My ex attended na meeting and they helped her so much. i feel that kaino is so right. it is hard to let anyone go. i know it is for me. na meetings are free. the people in these meetings will help you. they say try six meeting before you give up. it is a step. i have been to these meeting with her and i have seen people that was still using go. so if you can`t stop atleast try a meeting. good luck know judging here. just a prayer for you.

Rozeo 04/22/2011

I went to my first NA meeting tonight. I was nervous. I TY all for replying, that got me to a meeting. Your support means a lot right now.
I had slowly weaned myself down before this last replapse. and when it happened I was craving so bad I took more then I normally did before. I cant seem to make it past 3 days. This SCARED me, this made me see how bad I need help and how much the pain med is controlling me. Believe this or not Inever pictured myself in an NA meeting, and no one who knew me would either. I ran a support group for people with anxiety and depression for seven years and now I am the one in desperate need of help and very sick.
At the meeting I saw how much applied to me, I saw how sick I am. The relapse had showed me this too. I am back to weaning down now and will keep doing the meetings. I have to take one step at a time and not think to far a head or I will get so stressed. I am very scared. Thank you for support.

ajr5679 04/22/2011

somtimes you can only take it day at a time sometimes you can only do it one min at a time. take care of yourself. you are worth it. i have never been addicted to anything, but girls lol . i am here if you need to talk.

deleted_user 04/22/2011

Every new epiphany in life requires baby-steps to reach the pinnacle. It takes us a long, long time to 'see' what needs to change, and then a long time to reach the goal. Be gentle on yourself; but grab onto the determination that is being reborn in you. Hold onto it ~ let it be the source of your strength and give you insight into the beauty and power that is under the ashes.
You are going to succeed; because you Want To. And, it won't be easy, but this is your lesson ~ and we all have moments in time when learning the hard way is Thee Only Way.

Once you can find the controls that can change your addiction, the rest of your life will begin to come into more clarity. You'll be able to slowly make the changes that are necessary to find joy and peace. Stay emotionally separated from the world you have created and live in now; and remain only and completely focused on You and what You need to do to find a healthy internal place. The rest will come ~ slowly, sweetly.

I am so proud of you sister ~

((long hug))

deleted_user 04/24/2011

Rozeo~ first a hug then handing u a tissue and a place to sit,,, thank you for sharing,,,,, I can only imagine the time and desperatio it took as well as inner pain for you to talk w us about this and post this for the group, maybe w a fear f being judged? not here.. thats one beautiful thing about the group,,, and esp in re to the women who have/are regular responders in the group . always remember the first 3 days are the hardest,,,,,, know to taper yourself off over a month is acceptable and maybe talk w a dr who can ive u meds which arent addicting to cover the withdrawal symptoms so you can come down easily and ot be uncomfortable,,,,, thank you so very much for your oppenness and for your desire for change,,,,,,, Id also suggest a therapist your comfortable with,,,,,,, just to help u process things along the way.... you say u love this person u r with, and you very well may... bt once u are clean and off awhile would u see her in the same light? do u truly know someone if youboth have been under the influence of other things while being around one another??? As hard as it is I agree that you have to make a break and e on your own w the support of us here and the NA group,,, and the ppl u meet in it..... time o focus on healthy,,,,hugs,,,,, we are here for you,,,, Kd

Rozeo 04/24/2011

TY KD and everyone, You misread my post though, I am NOT in love with this other woman. I am still on my taper and taen one day at a time and did go to an NA meeting the other day. I do have some other meds that will help a little with the taper also. TY so much for adice too :0)

deleted_user 04/25/2011

I re read your post and apologize for having mis understood current friendship as more.... do u rent this place? is it possible or would u want to move out and leave the past behind w a new sart? do u feel obligated to this person for whatever reason,,, you can have a clean break to pick up thepieces and start over and be away rom a situation n ppl u dont feel safe around...... is that pasrt of what you feel you ned at this time? its all within your reach...... im sorry for the loss of your ex and the pain, we all deal w the pain in some way, somehow, and know at that moment you did what u felt was best, (def no judgement calls here) that was before, this is now,,, its a new day,,,, a new life is yours for the taking,,,,,, thats whats so beautiful ,,,,,,,, KD

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