Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
Hi everyone, I haven't been in here for awhile since life picked up and I am happier or rather I remember what's it like to be happy again. :) Just one dinky problem I am facing now. DATING....le sigh lol!
Long story short, I met this great gal, she treats me awesomely and we get along well until (cue dramatic music) dun dun dun....SHE'S A COMMITMENT PHOBE, but of course you already knew that from reading the subject title. On top of that I didn't know she wasn't exclusively dating me, tho she says she's not seeing anyone else but she prefers to open date (sex included) before committing to anyone as a girlfriend (we're not even on the topic of marriage. I on the other hand is the kind that, if I like someone enough, I date only exclusively.
Reasons why she can't commit:
1. Her religious family background, even tho she is not religious her family is.
2. Her parents failed marriage and constant fighting.
3. A rather traumatic relationship with a cheating ex bf whom she loved dearly.
4. She's bisexual and it would be more convenient to be with a man.
5. Our social status, in asian context the male is 'suppose' to take care and make more money then the femme. And I am supposedly the male in the relationship so well you know where this is going...
6. We've only dated for 3 months.... (yes I know very short time, but sometimes it feels longer then that when you meet someone great)
With a list like this you must be thinking maybe I should just call it quits right? But no its been a really long time since anyone treated me well, who cares about how I feel and ultimately understands me on an emotional level.
Now here comes the reason why I came to this forum, I may have made the problem more complicated because I wanted her to commit but it came out wrongly and at the wrong time when she was in a family dispute. I was at that time only thinking about how insecure I felt and did not consider her situation with her family. Now she's cold towards me and we haven't seen or really talked in days.
I feel like maybe I should give it up but then all hope is not lost since she is still talking to me. How can I save this from becoming another mess in my life?
Thank you for reading :)
Long story short, I met this great gal, she treats me awesomely and we get along well until (cue dramatic music) dun dun dun....SHE'S A COMMITMENT PHOBE, but of course you already knew that from reading the subject title. On top of that I didn't know she wasn't exclusively dating me, tho she says she's not seeing anyone else but she prefers to open date (sex included) before committing to anyone as a girlfriend (we're not even on the topic of marriage. I on the other hand is the kind that, if I like someone enough, I date only exclusively.
Reasons why she can't commit:
1. Her religious family background, even tho she is not religious her family is.
2. Her parents failed marriage and constant fighting.
3. A rather traumatic relationship with a cheating ex bf whom she loved dearly.
4. She's bisexual and it would be more convenient to be with a man.
5. Our social status, in asian context the male is 'suppose' to take care and make more money then the femme. And I am supposedly the male in the relationship so well you know where this is going...
6. We've only dated for 3 months.... (yes I know very short time, but sometimes it feels longer then that when you meet someone great)
With a list like this you must be thinking maybe I should just call it quits right? But no its been a really long time since anyone treated me well, who cares about how I feel and ultimately understands me on an emotional level.
Now here comes the reason why I came to this forum, I may have made the problem more complicated because I wanted her to commit but it came out wrongly and at the wrong time when she was in a family dispute. I was at that time only thinking about how insecure I felt and did not consider her situation with her family. Now she's cold towards me and we haven't seen or really talked in days.
I feel like maybe I should give it up but then all hope is not lost since she is still talking to me. How can I save this from becoming another mess in my life?
Thank you for reading :)
My thoughts are that when someone tells you they aren't ready to commit,..that is their truth and you must believe them (hug). So many times we meet someone who plays games and isn't sincere or honest and leave us wondering. She isn't doing that. She's done everything honestly and she deserves quite a bit of respect for being honorable.
Her cool silence is her backing off and letting you 'feel' her disappointment. You owe her an apology; then you owe it to yourself to decide whether you can handle this relationship on her terms or not. You may have a fantastic connection, but if your relationship goals are not similar it will cause continual strife. Something to think about :O)
(hug)
Good luck!
(((hugsss))) I knew I could always count on your wisdom. :) Yes I agree I do owe her an apology. She agreed to meet me soon, so I suppose that is a good sign. I'm just wondering how long should I wait out for her to be ready to commit and also I am really not comfortable with her seeing other people. I'm wondering if I should continue on, if god help me can I withhold my jealousy knowing she is seeing other people...
Compared to the last relationship, being with her is truly a breath of fresh air. She makes no expectations of me, does not give me drama and is very upfront and honest with her intentions. She's also very self assured and successful career wise. But of course with such a dynamic woman comes the price as well. A price I wonder if I can afford.