((BIG hugs))) Sorry baby shoes, the wheels have fallen off this one, and you really are hoping for the impossible to think this can be mended. Chalk it up to experience and move on. Someone out there needs your sweet love, and will cherish you in return - just exactly as you deserve

I was heartbroken when I read this. I have been cheated on by somebody I thought I loved (only after it was over between us was I able to see that I had simply been very attatched) but I will never forget the earth shattering experience and the pain it caused. It took me 3 months to get myself back. I can only tell you that you have to move forward with your life. This person has made their decision and you deserve to be happy. Force yourself to go through the motions of your life and even try new things, rediscover old passions, whatever it takes to occupy your mind. After time you will just realize that you are happy again and that you are stronger for having gone through the experience.
Best of luck to you dear. Everybody does go through this and we come out of it wiser and better people.

Im sooo sorry your going through this....i think all of us have been here at some point in our lives. I must say though if she loved you as much as you loved her she would have told you that BEFORE she actually cheated on you!! If she knew she wasn't in love with you anymore and didn't tell you ...did she really respect you enough? I would be very very careful if you plan on having anything with her in the future. Sometimes people show us their TRUE COLORS and we need to believe them when they show us.

Im sorry to read the distressing situation you have found yourself in i can totally understand the pain you are feeling .I found that if you go back with her it will only be a matter of time before you either both start arguing and it becomes bitter as the deception will always be thrown back at an argument ,or you will find yourself chasing her causing yourself so much hurt when you are being rejected ,or if you are ment to be together then give her space ,have you ever heard the expression the carrot and the donkey ,have some self worth love treat yourself go see some good friends take time for yourself hugs to you

Hi reeling - I am so sorry to hear that you have to go through this. While it seems you have a lot of perspectives and thoughts from others that have been the one betrayed, let me give you another view.

About 1.5 years ago, I cheated on my wife. We had been married just at a year. there were a lot of "reasons" why I did what I did, but it came down to the fact that I was coping poorly with not having my needs met. After my one night stand, I felt like maybe it wasn't meant to be with my W and that maybe I would be better off with someone else. Or even just "playing the field". I was in what they call a "fog".

This fog lasted for a couple of months and it took a lot of work for me to come out of it. It took a lot of work for my W and I to rebuild our marriage. But, unlike barbarame, i know it is possible for the relationship to be mended. Now, that's not to say it was easy, and it still isn't. But it can be worth it.

What you have to understand though was that I WANTED to work it out with my W. From what you have stated in this post, she does not. but it may be that she's in a "fog" of her own. Without being physically near her to be able to work things out, you may never know.

My suggestion to you, grieve. Grieve the loss of the relationship, do what you need to do to move forward with your own life. And if things are meant to be with her then they will be. You and her will coome back around, but if not, then you will have yourself open to the real love of your life. But right now is a time for you to focus on YOU. Take the time you need to feel whatever you are feeling and then find a way to move past it.

It is not impossible for you and her to be together happily in the future, but she has to want to try and rebuild things. it does no sound like thats what she wants

so sorry for what your going through...you don't deserve that. :(

i agree with barbarame 100%.... there is someone out there that will know and love you just as much in later years as those exciting beginnings...those feelings don't disappear when its the right person, they only get stronger, yes the newness and excitement will dwindle but as your together feelings are stronger, deeper, you gain more trust... when things are perfectly right between two people, there is no reason, no desire to cheat.

this is just a chapter in your journey...leading you to the person who is the one you should be with. the one who adores you, would do anything for you... hang in hun...

reeling13,

I'm sorry for the pain you are experiencing, I know it hurts like hell. I have been in your shoes in a sense and i know how devasting it can feel.... to be told by someone you love deeply and feel you are in love with, that they are no longer in love with you..... I will share a bit of my story....

Now in this relationship> My then partner did not cheat on me (that I know of) anyway. Yours is for sure emotionally-mentally cheating (those e-mails you found) even if she hadn't yet physically slept with the other woman.

(in my situation)her words effected our relatiosnhip and created much pain for us both. I ended up staying for a few more years (believe it or not!) Because she cried and said how deeply she loved me, but she just wasn't "in love" like she had been in the first few years.

She too missed the excitement. & because I loved her so much I put myself theough alot of grief and damaged my self esteem as a result. I ended up doubting my myself often.

I recall sharing with her that the novelty/excitement or newness from the early months-wears off really for the most part-as it is replaced by deepening love, trust and a stronger foundation etc. Well she listened, but i don't think she ever really "got it".

Now, if she had cheated on me? or was considering it? i believe I would have left her way sooner than I did. That would have been even a deeper betrayal and breach of trust for me.

Now only you know what you can tolerate and or forgive and/or to keep trying or try again. She says she wants a "break". Let her have it in my opinion. It will give you both time to gain better clarity perhaps.

On last thing: ask her if shes willing to go into couples counseling? This could be a "phase" and she may be able to work through it and regain your trust and for her to possibly rekindle her "in love" type feelings if she actually uncovers the reasons behind her recent actions/words.

I hope you 2 have a chance to resolve things between you asap.

Best of luck to you,

Jess