As a 60+ year old lesbian, I can tell you truthfully I would not consider dating a woman in her early 40's, let alone a twenty-year-old. Good lord, my dear - I have shoes older than you!

From my perspective, of course there would be the physical attraction of being with such a young woman (women in their 20's have such amazing skin). Yes, that's shallow, I know. But - perhaps that might be all you are interested in... a light fling as opposed to a serious relationship? That's an entirely different thing.

However - with respect to developing a serious relationship: with that much of an age gap, there is simply too much generational distance and an incredible disconnect with respect to historical perspective; it's just not workable long term, IMHO. It certainly wouldn't be for me, anyway.

I know we older babes can be quite attractive, but for heaven's sake go find someone closer to your age. Trust me - even if you have a million hobbies in common, the current object of your affection is going to want to connect (long term) with someone who remembers where they were when Kennedy was shot.

If I were your mom (or grandmom), I would be extremely suspicious of any 59-year-old woman showing an interest in someone your age. It just does not sit well with me.

Along with Mezza's wise support, I simply add a bit of food for thought..

You have found someone you can relate to in many, many ways and this may just be fate's way of showing you what you should be looking for in a mate. The universe throws many interesting lessons our way, in many unique styles of connection and insight. Consider for a while, that she may merely be a reflection of stability, commonality, grace and connection that you should absorb and seek out with a mate. You have had a long, interesting journey with women thus far. IMO, this very well could be a brief pause in life to contemplate what it is you seek in your future.

I would suggest, that you remain an observer; embrace the connection for exactly what it is and use this occurance as a mirror as you move on to find someone who more appropriately fits your time-line in life.

please don`t thnk i am being mean. i am 37 and i would not date someone in there twenties. i don`t feel i have have anything in common with them and we would grow apart.
i would also look into the maybe you are seeing her more as a mom then as a partner. i am really good friends with people a lot older than me, but i really try to say in my age range when i am dating the person . i wish you the best of luck.

I do not think there is a hard and fast rule for this situation. I spent 45 years of my life with someone 13 years older than I. Death parted us, so I mourn now. I must say though, 39 years is a greater age difference than 13, so possibly in this case, a good friendship would be appropriate? In any case as you say, she has not indicated her orientation, so there is nothing you could do in any case

With all respect to the ladies above, my partner and I have a 24 1/2 year age difference between the two of us, and neither of us have ever been so happy in our entire lives. We were friends for many years before we were in a relationship, and honestly the age difference never bothered us then, and it never bothers us now. I think when someone tells someone to go find someone their own age...well, you might want to look at that a bit more relatively. I am extremely mature for my age- most of my friends have always been 10 to 20 years older than me- and I fit in well with that group. My girlfriend is an independent, strong businesswoman who undoubtedly never thought she'd be in a committed relationship with someone almost half her age...and yet, voila. I'm not saying 39 years isn't a huge age gap, but I did want to add my two sense to say that despite general opinion, relationships with age differences do work sometimes...I know three other couples with a 20+ year difference, and two of the couples have been together more than 8 years. I'm a firm believer that all things happen for a reason. Make good decisions for you and follow your heart...I don't think you can go wrong with those two things in place. Good luck!

An age difference isn't enough to reject love out-of-hand. I had a relationship with a woman 16 years younger than me. We eventually broke up, but it was a good relationship and the age difference wasn't an issue. All relationships have hurdles to overcome and a big age difference will bring with it some unique ones eventually, but you deal with that just like you would deal with hurdles in any relationship.

Be friends first. See where it goes.

I don't think there's any hard and set rule. Everyone's different.

My 24 year relationship with someone 15 years younger than me is pretty much on the rocks right now. I don't think our age difference is a factor. However, maybe the life experience thing is. She was just turning 21 when we got together. She had very limited dating experience. She's now done a total 180. She no longer feels attracted to me, has become hyper-feminine, almost a feminine caricature really, and I believe is going to (if she has not already) have sexual encounters with straight men.

My advice would be not to idealize someone who may very well be unavailable to you. Find an honest soulmate and enjoy your life together for as long as the goddesses grant you the time.