Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
I will share my life. I got married to the most beautiful butch in the whole world 8 years ago, 7 1/2 years ago she became ill, really ill. Fist reports was she had Lyme Disease, 2 days later the doctor said her lesions on the brain were different. MS was the other element. She went down hill fast. She has lost almost all of her cognitive abilities. She gets 100 % care from me. She can only feed herself. So for a long time I thought what about me, I deserve to be hugged and kissed. I hug and kiss her all the time, she likes it. I started a relationship with a friend so I could be able to feel again. When we began I told her that I would never leave Nancy. She said that she understood. But no she did not. After a year she would get jealous and say what are you doing that for, give Nancy a back rub or just massaging her legs. This went on for some time, well she moved back to Florida in May, Weekend before last she said that I had to move to Florida or she wanted nothing else to do with me. She thought that I would abandon Nancy for her. Life in a nursing home is no life at all. I could not and would not do that ever. Put Nancy in a nursing home here in Mass and for me to move to florida, please.Just when you think you know someone. I need and want friends, help!
Is your wife able to hug and kiss you, and touch you? If she is able, maybe a conversation with her about your wants and needs is needed.
As to the relationship with your friend, its easy to say in the beginning, that she understood you would never leave your wife, but then feelings and emotions get in the way.....
Sending you lots of prayers and big hugs!!!!
Nice to see you again.
I remember all of this ~ from your partners health situation to meeting this new friend...
This is a very, very tricky situation my Sister. You have embraced the commitment to your sick lover, yet you invited this 'friend' in to make your life easier. I was concerned then, and I am concerned now.
The only thing you need to do for Lilith,..is to live by what Lilith can live with. There is no reason to live with regret.
However I do suggest that you give your intimate 'friend' the benefit of all your thought. She had an understanding; and she changed her whole life and trusted you based on this understanding. (I remember your posts and how relieved you were to have this woman come into your life)
Take some time and make sure you are being true to yourself, your sick partner and to this wonderful friend who fell in love with you. As a volunteer in the Hospice community, I would like to humbly suggest you find a way to close one chapter before you open another. Our needs can and will play havoc on three lives if we aren't being honorable. (hug)
I'm sorry for all your losses. Sounds overwhelming to be dealing with so much grief at once. (((gentlehugs))). It sounds like you are a devoted partner. It must be incredibly hard on you and very lonely. Seems the companion you had for awhile just couldn't handle sharing you any longer huh? I think it takes a strong person to be able to share someones attention like you both were doing.
Sometimes, when things first start out ? Situations sound like they can work and as time goes on, we find that its not going to work for the long haul. I can understand you not wanting to put your partner in a nursing home. I guess now you will possibly choose to have friends only and not more with someone. Seems too complicated.
Your situation isn't an easy one and I know I'm not telling you anything you don't already know!! Just know that my heart goes out to you. I hope you are able to find some kind of extra support. Are there any support groups for caregivers? (where you live?) Or on DS here?
Best Of Luck to you.
Blessings,
Jess