Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
Okay, so here's the deal on this one. First of all, I would like to make it 100% clear that I am straight. Completely. Not bisexual, not lesbian, not even bi-curious. Straight. Now, I have a friend, who happens to be bisexual. And she has a boyfriend. Well, as I've recently found out, this friend of mine has always had a crush on me and claims that she is utterly IN LOVE with me. Which, I don't mind. She is a dear friend, and I love her accordingly. However, again, I am straight.
So, one night, we were alone. And she was giving me hickey lessons because I have never given, nor recieved them, and I was curious because she gets them all the time from her boyfriend. Push came to shove, and the next thing you know, we're both naked and doing this and that.
I felt really guilty afterward. But I figured, 'Hey, its just once. It was a mistake. It won't happen again.' Well then the next time we were alone, it happened again...and again, and again. Then I started getting worried.
It's not that I'm bixexual, or curious. I DO NOT like girls and I have no physical or sexual attraction to them. But, in the heat of the moment, I can't say no. The whole time, I think in my head that I don't like this, but it feels good, and so I can't stop. I always think that I should tell her to stop, but I don't. And the fact that she has a boyfriend, scares me quite frankly because he scares me. Even though I don't like the kid, and think he's an asshole, he scares me because of the way he acts.
But besides all that, after one of our 'sessions', we talked. And said it really shouldnt happen again. And we both agreed. Because it's not right. And by not right, I don't mean it's not right that two girls have sex, I mean it's not right that one of the girls has a boyfriend and is sleeping with another girl; a straight girl at that. So we stopped.
But last night, things got heated and very quickly it all played out again. Now, I feel dirty, guilty, and like I've done something horrible. I really don't like her like that. I don't like touching her, and I don't like kissing her. But yet, I do this with her. And I don't like it. I really feel guilty and disgusting (not to mention, I'm sort of a germaphobe) so I feel dirty and germy afterward.
What can I do here? I want to stop this from happening, and I don't want to feel guilty and like I've made a big mistake over and over again. I don't want to avoid her because of it, because I do love her in the best friend/sisterly way. But things always turn out bad if we're alone, and sometimes even if we're not alone. I don't like it. But I can't stop it.
I apologize for the long post, but I'm really stuck here. Please help!
So, one night, we were alone. And she was giving me hickey lessons because I have never given, nor recieved them, and I was curious because she gets them all the time from her boyfriend. Push came to shove, and the next thing you know, we're both naked and doing this and that.
I felt really guilty afterward. But I figured, 'Hey, its just once. It was a mistake. It won't happen again.' Well then the next time we were alone, it happened again...and again, and again. Then I started getting worried.
It's not that I'm bixexual, or curious. I DO NOT like girls and I have no physical or sexual attraction to them. But, in the heat of the moment, I can't say no. The whole time, I think in my head that I don't like this, but it feels good, and so I can't stop. I always think that I should tell her to stop, but I don't. And the fact that she has a boyfriend, scares me quite frankly because he scares me. Even though I don't like the kid, and think he's an asshole, he scares me because of the way he acts.
But besides all that, after one of our 'sessions', we talked. And said it really shouldnt happen again. And we both agreed. Because it's not right. And by not right, I don't mean it's not right that two girls have sex, I mean it's not right that one of the girls has a boyfriend and is sleeping with another girl; a straight girl at that. So we stopped.
But last night, things got heated and very quickly it all played out again. Now, I feel dirty, guilty, and like I've done something horrible. I really don't like her like that. I don't like touching her, and I don't like kissing her. But yet, I do this with her. And I don't like it. I really feel guilty and disgusting (not to mention, I'm sort of a germaphobe) so I feel dirty and germy afterward.
What can I do here? I want to stop this from happening, and I don't want to feel guilty and like I've made a big mistake over and over again. I don't want to avoid her because of it, because I do love her in the best friend/sisterly way. But things always turn out bad if we're alone, and sometimes even if we're not alone. I don't like it. But I can't stop it.
I apologize for the long post, but I'm really stuck here. Please help!
First, I would revisit your statement of "being 100% straight" because apparently that isn't the case at the moment.
Second, you are young and experimenting is part of life and it doesn't mean you are bad, or dirty it means you are finding your own path.
My biggest issue is with not calling it what it is honestly. The heat of the moment can indeed feel unstopable, but you can always make the choice to stop. If you want to maintain the friendship, tell her you will not go there again. Your are giving her mixed messages right now so she is just as confused. Its your choice, how to mange your life, always has been.