Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
My parents divorced when I was 4 or 5. I lived with my mother afterwards until my grandmother threw us out of her house. I was sent to live with my father. He was physically abusive to me durning the 2 years I was there. I was spun around a room by the hair on my head. I was slapped so hard on the face that more than once I had bruises. I tried to runaway and move in with a friend but his mom wouldn't keep me. Apparently you can't just choice to live somewhere when you are six. He finally gave us to foster care and my mom finally got me back. I was 7 when he dropped us off(my brother was left also) When I was 12 he came back into my life and spent a week with me. He told me he was going to be a good Daddy who called his kids and he was going to move to be close by. Two letters and phone calls later I didn't hear from him again. I finally allowed him to talk to me when I was 18 he had been trying for over a year. He came to my hs graduation and we stayed in touch for a few years. when I was 23 I got my first cell phone I called every weekend for 6 months and he never answered the phone. He sent an email that said he was usually sitting right there he just didn't answer. I left him a long hateful message the day I left my first ex. I haven't talked to him since it has been 4 1/2 years since i left that message. please don't feel sorry I'm fine with this. My mother on the other hand told me her dieing wish was for me talk to him and a build a relationship. (no she's not ill she just wants me to know how bad she wants this) If i do talk to him it would be just to see if I could any money from him when he croaks. I have no feelings for this man. what would you do?
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What I've learned is that no matter how much I wanted a father, one who loves me, and is there for me, my father isn't capable of this. He has issues, which I can't help him with, and his life wasn't easy either. I finally came to the realization that since he has made zero effort I wouldn't be the one to shoulder the burden. If he tried, I would be receptive, but I wasn't going to be the one to try and mend all the hurt.
It depends on what your expectations are. Are you really aware of how flawed he is? Are you comfortable being the only one who wants this to work? My mother would like it if we had a relationship again, as well. However, I've told her that I don't know how much I could forgive (considering how he was, and what he did to my mother).
Fact is, if someone is 80% a moron, and 20% nice...what is the person? I figure that the 80% wins out, and to just let go.
We all want parents who are warm, caring, and loving...however, not all of us get those kind of parents. I've accepted that. My father isn't going to be the father I always wanted. So, I'll do without.
I don't feel particularly like I'm missing out. I don't know that he's even someone I would want to be around if he wasn't related to me.
Obviously, you have some unresolved issue about your father, or you wouldn't be asking these questions. I know that occasionally friends of mine say I should try...but they don't fully understand. You need to work through what you are seeking. Everyone needs some form of closure, but will you get it?
Take some time to think about it, and decide how much you are willing to put into it, and if he will respond in kind. It's not always worth it, but you'll never know unless you try (and I'm done trying).
Good luck.
Tough stuff.
trust your gut.