I thought your post was interesting... seems she emphasizes sexual experiences to validate her sense of how things are around her,,,, for ex i once had it explained to me that some pl have sex to celebrate things being god as a couple and others have sex to show to themselves that things are good, sounds like another way that you two may be unique indivuals,,,,,,
communication is very important and the ability to freely discuss both your feelings and be accepted for your feelings, respect for how each feels with an agreement that its not a requiement that you both agree on everything.... its the diff that make you both unique, which is beautiful in itself, it becomes a neg thing when a couple is arguing about their differences,,,,,,a person loving themself is important and infact necessary in order to have a successful relationship w another person.. sex is differentg hen intimacy, im wondering if she is possibly pursuing one to reach he other?? closeness is so much more then sex. and its not quanity but quality, at least I believe, different ppl have different levels of sexual activiy being imporan. im sorry that yu feel pressured, may i ask if someone would be to break up w you due to you not giving into the pressure to be sexual then is the relationship solid to begin with? You talked about her, and her feelings can u talk more about you and what you want and need from he relationship, and from her as a partner??? I do wish u the best,,,,, blessings, KD

Thanks KD, No, (not solid) the r-ship has been a bit more challenging than I like.We have grown and gotten closer with each challenge up until now . i want to be understood and my small requests respected as I do give 100%.for instance, i asked for at least 15 min a day to myself to reflect and think and shes not willing to give me that. (im more of a thinker and she a 'doer' . We only see each other on the weekends so she says I have plenty of time to do this when shes gone.

Hi ya Kimkriss...

IMO: 6 months to 1 year is a really great amount of time to observe whether we are in a relationship with someone who is partner-potential or simply another beautiful soul passing through our lives to teach us something.

Also, IMO, partner-material is difficult to find. I mean... really difficult and sometimes we settle thinking "this is the best I'm going to get, and it's better than being lonely."
I feel although the journey can be a long, long struggle, it's worth finding someone that really fits in the 'partner' category. It's such a special, unique, sacred place!! I don't want just anyone there. I feel everything between my 'true partner' and I has to line up like the planets. The emotional/personality chemistry has to be in full sync, the intellectual stimulation challenging/fun/progressive, the sacred physical realm between us should touch my spirit and mind even more than my body, our morals and values should be very close in proximity, and our goals and dreams should sail confidently and smoothly together, etc., etc.
Of the same tree, but on a different branch.

I feel that if most of these things aren't compatible with us the relationship will not survive the test of time. We will continue to receive Red Flags and the relationship will eventually move into a negative place; becoming more and more frustrating and difficult.
It's at this time when many of us are unable to disconnect the bond, and we will force ourselves to move forward within something that is not meant to be. Red Flags, Intuition, Lack of Chemistry, Focusing on things we find 'odd', the inability for this person to totally accept us for who we are, on and on.. we'll find a way to continue.

So.
The Right thing to do is Always the Hardest Thing to do.
In your case, what is the right thing? Continuing on with someone who thinks differently, discusses things differently, can't let you re-energize when you're in her company but is..umm.. great in bed? Or letting this bond go, graciously, respectfully and thankful for the experience, so you can find someone who is more like you, gives you what you need to function in this world and who understands that sex between true, mature, stable lovers is more than being physically connected. *wink

You can't 'fix her' or supply her inner-world (ego, character, views on life) with what she seems to need. It's her journey and her life lessons to find her own self-esteem and see the world from another perspective.

((Long Hug and sending you insight and strength to see things as they really are))

Ms Teri thee words were beautifully put:"it's worth finding someone that really fits in the 'partner' category. It's such a special, unique, sacred place!! I don't want just anyone there. I feel everything between my 'true partner' and I has to line up like the planets. The emotional/personality chemistry has to be in full sync, the intellectual stimulation challenging/fun/progressive, the sacred physical realm between us should touch my spirit and mind even more than my body, our morals and values should be very close in proximity, and our goals and dreams should sail confidently and smoothly together, etc., etc."~ I think thats an important concept for us indivually to absorb, often it seems we settle for and dont wait for that special person so when she comes along we cant se her cause we are in the wrong place,,,, and often unhappily so.. as always enjoyed your words,,

Kimkriss~ you can only be you and if anyone cant accept you as you then maybe its time to step back and take a second look~ you come across as a kind spirit, but also someone that has worked on your own iner issues of sorts, lease hold that growth sacred and embrace it,,,,, keep growing, may all that brings you peace and unconditional love and acceptance come your way.......KD

Ms Teri, You may be right, im not disputing i should break it off with her because that's what my gut is telling me.But both of us are very loyal and devoted people and every time we butt heads (3 times ) we have come out stronger and closer and have grown because of it. for instance, this last argument she found out how she needs to work on letting that defensive wall down and has been humbled (and how emotionally intelligent I'am LoL) and I see and understand her more clearly. We both like a challenge and i see her as a challenge. Im not sure what im trying to say.maybe you sweet souls can see something i dont?

only you can decide what is best for you, cause you are there and know both sides as well as whats in your heart, just make sure being with someone is out of love and respect and not a feeling of obligation or that u r there to change or save them , wondering what you meant when u mentioned she is a challenge? could you discuss that further??? buting heads isnt my idea of foreplay,,, or romance or closeness,,, but again, thats me, i Need a calm and a peace inside and out,,,,,, blessings, KD

You deserve to be loved in a way that makes you comfortable. Not in a demanding way. Look deep before you leap. That is a lesson that I need to live by as well. If a relationship is based merely on sex and their is nothing else, you will not have the rewards of the things that go with a good relationship that is satisfying in more than one way!
Be Kind To Yourself,
Altheia

Thank you all so much.Yall gave good advice.We talked things out and it turns out what i said had a big impact, it humbled her and she thanked me for it and didnt pressure me at all-all weekend which left lots more time for cuddling and talking.

Kinddyke, no, im not trying to change her, just understand and get to know her better but she has this wall up and i know myself very well where she doesnt know herself well so that causes problems.for instance she says one thing then does another, and changes her mind all the time,i have a knack for reading people but shes very hard to read but when i do and point things out as nice as possible she takes offense to it. her close friend says i bring out the worst in her and in a way shes right. help me make sense of this anyone?

Sweetie, you could be describing my ex! From all that you've written - the sexual issues especially - I would venture a guess that you g/f is a raving narcissist. Go do some reading about the condition; it will help you A LOT.

And for heaven's sake, LISTEN to your gut - it's not whispering, it's screaming. Never, ever ignore it.

Keep us posted.

thanks mezzavoce. youre right, there are so many signs telling me to get out but I guess im a glutton for punishment or loyal to a fault .i know , your probably shaking your head and calling me stupid but shes everything i wanted and needed-and then some lol unfortunatly. i will look into narcissism now

You certainly aren't 'stupid'...you're simply sliding up and down a learning curve.

Sending mega positive, healthy strength to your sweet heart!

;-D tanx Ms Teri

Now that we have been apart for a while I see things much clearer ,so much that I know we are not right for each other and left me wondering 'what the heck was I thinking.! ..We've agreed to no rings, no strings and still talk occasionally so all is well..I feel such relief and hold the hope that there is someone out there that IS right for me..many thanks 2 all you great people ,Kim