Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
Hey everyone! So any of you who have been following any of my post or journal entries is aware of the fact that my GF and I have been going through alot of turmoil due to our complete lack of separation. So having been thinking about all of this and the how and the why of it all I have come to the decision that as a lesbian couple we are predispositioned to have a harder time developing separate areas in our lives.
I mean if you think about it, when a man and a women are in a relationship. He has his guy friends who get together and do "guy" things and she has her girlfriends to do the same. In a lesbian relationship (at least in all of mine) we dont have that separation. If we go out it is to a lesbian bar together with people who are mutual friends. If we go to a straight bar it is normally still together with mutual friends. If our friends are having a "girls night" no expects one of us to stay home while the other goes out. It is not hte same in family situations either. For instance, in a straight relationship the guy will go off and drink beer and watch the game with all the other guys in the family while the woman goes and spends time with the other women in the family.
I have even had issues with my relationships as far as compitition with my GF's mothers. they feel threatened because it is not a man who has taken their daughters time away from them but another woman. I think that is bizarre and have never found that to be the case as far as my own parents are concerned but have experienced it with my gf's moms. These are just some things I have been thinking about and how they make it harder for lesbians to develop that separation that is so crucial to a relationship.
Im sure it is not an issue with some relationships given there is such a wide range of how people interact but as for myself and all of my gf's we have have been very similar and have had no real "roles" to differentiate ourselves. So another issue with us is the fact that people can and do compare us to each other as women tend to do. This creates competition issues in relationhships that may not be completely stable or may have individuals with certain self-esteem issues to begin with.
Just some more issues that we as lesbians have to deal with that straight couples do not.
I mean if you think about it, when a man and a women are in a relationship. He has his guy friends who get together and do "guy" things and she has her girlfriends to do the same. In a lesbian relationship (at least in all of mine) we dont have that separation. If we go out it is to a lesbian bar together with people who are mutual friends. If we go to a straight bar it is normally still together with mutual friends. If our friends are having a "girls night" no expects one of us to stay home while the other goes out. It is not hte same in family situations either. For instance, in a straight relationship the guy will go off and drink beer and watch the game with all the other guys in the family while the woman goes and spends time with the other women in the family.
I have even had issues with my relationships as far as compitition with my GF's mothers. they feel threatened because it is not a man who has taken their daughters time away from them but another woman. I think that is bizarre and have never found that to be the case as far as my own parents are concerned but have experienced it with my gf's moms. These are just some things I have been thinking about and how they make it harder for lesbians to develop that separation that is so crucial to a relationship.
Im sure it is not an issue with some relationships given there is such a wide range of how people interact but as for myself and all of my gf's we have have been very similar and have had no real "roles" to differentiate ourselves. So another issue with us is the fact that people can and do compare us to each other as women tend to do. This creates competition issues in relationhships that may not be completely stable or may have individuals with certain self-esteem issues to begin with.
Just some more issues that we as lesbians have to deal with that straight couples do not.
My girlfriend has expressed feeling like I am too territorial and protective of her, and this was not the case in the beginning of the relationship. We are working diligently now, to find time to ourselves, but it is tough sometimes to break the habbit that we formed early in the relationship.
Its uber important to give eachother space to experience life from different angles. Spend a few days apart even. Set your sights on different horizon lines. Keep it fresh, and build trust.
Lesbians are complex! On the second date, we get out the u-hal!
i have three friends that i have been friends with for a long time. i have always tried to keep it like that. when we go out it is just the four of us.I am the only one that is a lesbian. so when i get together with just my friends it has always cause a fight with who ever i am with. this is about the only thing that i have kept my boundries up. i don`t get it. you would think that they would not want to sit there for hours and watch me work on jeeps.or talk shop talk. one of the my friends in the military and we only get to see maybe once a year and we all go away for the weekend. two straight girls, one lesbian and one man. that grew up together, if we have not slept together yet we are not going to duh. we have to have are own lives ladies. i will get off the soap box now.