What do you call a broken boomerang?
A stick

What is our nation's greatest problem? Ignorance or Apathy?
I don't know and I don't care.

Why were King Arthur's Days called the Dark Ages? 
Because they had so many Knights.

What did the hat say to the hat rack? 
You stay here, I'll go on ahead.

Why can't a bicycle stand by itself?
Because it's two tired.

3/4ths of all accidents happen within 10 miles of your house. What should you do?
Move silly!!

What is the main greatest use of cowhide?  
To hold the cows together.

What's better than a talking dog?
A spelling bee.

On what day are more babies born than on any other day?
Labor Day

When is a car, not a car?
When it turns into a driveway.

Why do melons get married in church?
Because they cantaloupe.

What do you call a cow that enters your yard and eats your grass?
A lawn moooooer.

What does a baby ear of corn call its father?
Pop Corn

Why did the farmer kick his chickens out of his farm? 
Because they used fowl language.

Why should you be careful about what you say on the farm? 
Because the corn has ears, the potatoes have eyes, and the beans talk.

Why do pirates make good sopranos? 
Because they are always hitting the high seas.

Why did the burglar at the museum get caught? 
Because when he tried for his getaway, he couldn't make the van go.

Why is a banana peel like a piano? 
If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat.

How can you tell an ocean is friendly?
When it waves a lot.

What lies on the bottom of the ocean floor and shakes?
A nervous wreck!

What did the English teacher call Santa's helpers? 
Subordinate Clauses

* * *

"As we have learned," said the teacher, "the former ruler of Russia was called a Czar, and his wife was called a Czarina. Now who can tell me what the Czar's children were called?"

A little boy at the back of the class piped up and said, "Czardines!"

* * *

"Now boys," said the teacher, "tell me the signs of the zodiac. You first Tommy."

"Taurus, the Bull."

"Right. Now you Harry, another one."

"Cancer the Crab."

"Right again. Now Sammy it's your turn."

The boy looked puzzled, hesitated a moment and then blurted out, "Mickey the Mouse!"

* * *

Teacher: "Give me a sentence with an object."

Pupil: "You're very beautiful, teacher."

Teacher: "What's the object?"

Pupil: "A good grade!"

* * *

Teacher: Can you tell me one year and the number of tons of coal shipped out of the United States in that year?
Student raises his hand: "Yes, I can. The year is 1498 and there the number of tons is zero!"

* * *

There were three stores in a row. One day the first store owner in the row put up a sign reading, "FIRE SALE." Then the third man in the row put up a sign reading, "BANKRUPTCY SALE."

The man in the middle surveyed his neighbor's signs for a while and then came out with one of his own which read: "MAIN ENTRANCE."

* * *

https://www.brownielocks.com/jokes.html