Jealousy Support Group
Jealousy typically refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival. This rival may or may not know that he or she is perceived as a threat. If you or a loved one may have an issue with jealousy, this community is a good place to start exploring the issue and get support. We're here for...
Before I start I want to say that these are very real feelings and thoughts that I can not control. I know that they are very irrational but it still doesn't change how real they are. These feelings were always there but I feel recently they were made worse by a big life changing event that has left me not feeling so good about myself. Please no rude remarks I am genuinely looking for support and advice with these hard emotions. I am very ungodly jealous of pretty women and women who I think look better than me. Women and celebrities in movies, on magzines, posters, and in public!! I feel like my boyfriend is checking out/looking at these girls and thinking sexual thoughts, thinking they are better than me, and thinking about cheating. It breaks my heart and literally makes me sick to think he might find another girl attractive that isn't me. (I know I'm nuts!) I have talked to him about this and he said he notices other pretty girls but he doesn't "check them out" or "look at them". It made me feel a little better but I don't believe it. It has gotten so bad that going to the store or out to eat has become so emotionally draining for me. The entire time all I am doing is checking to see where his eyes go and I'm always on the lookout for pretty girls and if there is a pretty girl it gets worse. I can't even enjoy tv or movies with pretty girls. I can't even go out by myself with out feeling angry because they are around. I think I am an average girl 23, plain jane, skinner side, brown hair, brown eyes, no makeup. Sometimes I feel good about myself until I see other girls. My boyfriend tells me I am everything he's ever wanted and that I'm the most beautiful thing to him but I don't believe it. I feel like he just says that because he's my boyfriend. It has been ripping our relationship apart because I'm always on edge and want to accuse him. I know this is very bad and not normal but again I feel like I can't help it.Please please please advice and help if any can be given. Thank you for your time.
Imagine a life together, where you are confident about yourself and your partners love for you. It leaves time for true fun together. Or imagine your other half questions your EVERY move, gets angry when you glance at someone, quake in your boots if someone of the opposite sex asks you a question.
I understand the reasons for jealousy but if you really love your partners you'd seek help for yourself. Please.
I have felt this way since about 14/15 in relationships and I am now 26. It’s hell. It’s getting better. I have my first healthy relationship and he is doing his best to support me. I have also been in therapy since I was 19. I’m sorry you’re all experiencing this as well. Best of luck to you!
I have never been to a support group for children who were abused, but I can see how they may minimize jealousy. But really it’s what CAUSES the jealousy that’s important. How we each respond may be different but where it stems from is the problem. And abuse as a child is a major contributor. I feel your pain. Hugs
I have learned a few things. Men look. As do women. Unless we are blind, we can't help it. Does it mean every pretty girl your boyfriend looks at is who he is interested in or want to sleep with? No.
I suggest seeking help. I had to, to save our relationship. My boyfriend loves me and he is on the receiving end of my insecurities (even for a pretty girl).
I have told my ex this and I try to for the most party apply it to myself.
There is ALWAYS going to be someone younger, prettier, smarter, richer than you are. You can let it debilitate you or you can accept that you are not the 'best' there is out there. I get help dealing with my insecurities and jealousies. Sometimes it helps just talking to a specialist to get an idea of where it came from. For me, it stemmed from my mother and her insecurities that she pushed onto me to make herself feel better. I grew up super, SUPER plain jane. I had the worse case of acne, scaring that never went away before the next round showed up, stringy over done hair because that was the style my mother liked, and no makeup because they refuse to let me wear any. My clothes were Salvation Army used clothing and styles that were 10-15 years ago. I was the mousy, school girl, not even nerd. When I went to my 10 yr old class reunion no one recognized me. I had transformed myself from this mousy one noted acne prone girl to what some would consider 'model'. But it was just me allowing to be me. I started dressing myself in things I wanted to wear. Learning to put on a little makeup without looking like I was overdone. You need to figure out what makes you feel good about yourself along with seeking help.
It could be a traumatic incident in your life that is big or small. My ex had to deal with abandonment issues with his mother to figure out his.
It can be debilitating to constantly worry about what your significant other is thinking, looking at, may or may not do when he/she sees another person. It's not a way to live your life. I just had something come up this week with my fiance. It's easy to jump to conclusions. It's easy to walk away from a relationship than to maintain one. It takes trust and communication. If I can't trust him then I shouldn't be with him.
But in the same breath, would anything your boyfriend say or do be enough? Are you going to continually push him away? Eventually that will wear on him and your relationship. It was why my fiance asked me to seek counseling to save our relationship. Like I said, I have moments, but it's much better now than it was when we met 5 yrs ago. It doesn't end.