I would think you would want to face your fear. There are lots of attractive women in the world dressed to various degrees. Women in bikinis is not your problem, your self image is your problem. Your partner looks at other women on a daily basis - all men do whether they admit it or not. Even men with beautiful fit wives look at other women. We are wired in that way. I know my wife looks at men too - fit bodies are like magnets to the eyes. However, though I'm prone to look, I have no desire to do anything outside the bounds of my marriage and my commitment to my wife. It does not go beyond looking. How about facing your fear head on? How about recognizing that your partner looks whether at work, on the street or on the beach, and moving past it as a simple condition of being a human?

Why do you think that any of those bikini clad girls would want him?? You are actually making it more forbidden,therefore he will do it when you are not around. You are with him when you go,do you think that he will just go grab one of them in front of you? Don't do this to yourself,it will drive you insane. NONE of us can control what other people do. Please find a way to get help.

Its like going to a strip club. Would any woman here go to a stripclub with their partner? Or let their partner go to one? A beach here is like that...thongs and two-pieces. Yes theres water, but its a public place!
I know I need help. At the same time he would not feel happy to be around men showing their d... and being cool with it right?
im trying to go early morning and find an isolated beach. At this point its too much for me to be around semi-naked women. Control is not always bad. What if I said I wanted to do anything? there are boundaries to a relationship and marriage. For some that boundary is about having a physical affair. For others the boundary lies closer. Its not about control as much as whats acceptable and not. Thanks though. Its important to hear everyone's opinions so I can see people see the world differently.

I guess I could give advise to someone who may be dealing with say' fear of public speaking...coz I don;t have that problem. So I can say...juts look at it this way and try this. Your fears wont make a difference. You wnt be happy to fear holding a snake. Its only a rope.
Etc etc.
Its nice to consoder them. Yet when a person has a severe problem with something, its not like they haven't thought about all thiose possibilities.
So while Im healing, I know what I can and cannot do.
Today we can do more things and be in public better than in the past.
Today I had no jealousy triggers.
A single 24 hours like today was almost impossible an year ago.
I would still have valued...like no porn and no wife swapping and no nudity or semi nudity in front of strangers.
However I hope not to feel suicidal if I see someone like that nor judge myself for not respecting it nor judge others who strip to bare minimum in public.

We all have our fears in life. You don't want him looking at other women with hardly any clothes on. I understand. I lived in Florida near the ocean and saw everything you are talking about on a daily basis. The issue is will he be tempted to cheat if he sees this. No one will be able to give you an answer to this but I have learned in life that if he is going to cheat, he could pick a neighbor/anyone,who is fully clothed. The beach scene is a haven for deceitful people as well as many other places,including church. You can't escape him being around other women. What is his character? Does he ogle too much when your around? Has he cheated on you? Have you known a lot of guys in your lifetime who were cheaters? I don't know what your circumstances are but please try to find a happy medium or you will be insane and he will feel like he is being smothered. Just try to enjoy your life and not worry so much . You don't have to sit in the middle of bikini clad women,just go to a more family oriented part of the beach. Remember, you are with him when you go to these areas. He isn't going to leave your side.

Interesting discussion. I would love to be like you are saying StevenT and if it were only that easy. The very thought of a beach terrifies me. I get it.

It's never easy when it comes to insecurities. All I'm saying is in order to be happy and not live such a worrisome life, you'll need to find a way to compromise some things. No, I would never go in a strip club with my partner. There are areas of the beaches that are more family oriented though. The only problem is though that you will never be able to not see anyone in a bikini. You deserve to enjoy the things that you like to do also without the worry of someone getting too involved in "the sightseeing". You can't control someone's behavior with jealousy. I'm saying that because I was like that when I was younger. All it does is create a lot of heartache,prevents you from living a happy life, it drives the other person away from you and drives them toward your worst fears. Man or woman,it doesn't matter. The more secure you feel,the more he will chase you! Tell him what you want but extremes will destroy you. I've seen this so many times through the years. It might help to begin by reading some books about the psychology of jealousy and then begin implementing things little by little. It takes a lot of effort but it can be done. When you put handcuffs on your partner,you also put them on yourself. No strip clubs,massage parlors or beauty contests,just go to the family section of the beaches and try to enjoy the beach. One exercise at a time. Men will look and so do women. I said look,not stare and follow someone down the beach.there are only so many things in life that you can control but you'll never be able to control where someone's eyes go. Do you trust your partner,in general? Do you think he would cheat on you?

well Im not really concerned that my partner would ever cheat on me.
There is a nice book called 'Overcoming jealousy' by Windy Dryden.
It details several types of jealous reactions. One for me is the exclusivity. It hurts me to think about my partner feeling attracted to somebody else. Now jumping in and saying, o there are attractive women you better get over it, is hard;y helpful.
I have found that invalidation makes it far worse. The more I can accept my feelings and go only as much as I am comfortable with.
Between also it details and I know that to be true for myself, that some of us are more prone to jealousy.
And so it can hurt us badly.
I started a group for those that suffer from it and want to heal.
Now maybe some people have a boundary at the strip club and not a family area of beach. Yet its not for others to decide what jealous reaction is OK and waht is not. Even if its suggested that thinking or feeling this way is not helpful; that realization is within us already! Thats not enough to change it.
Its fine to have suggestions. Yet its important to let other be and even whine about their plan. Obviously they aren't ready to let go. So much as I appreciate the experience from someone who has overcome it, I would much prefer acceptance and tolerance and space to share the jealous reactions.
This forum is for people who don't have a grip on it and can freely admit their powerlessness.
Others could suggest gently an alternative.
But the key word is GENTLENESS acceptance and respect.
Its not fair for people who don't seem to suffer from jealousy to get here and tell those who do that they would do well to just get over it!
It also does not mean agreeing with the issue. Not that. Yet allowing people space to open up their fears and vulnerability.
If one is not jealous anymore. Thats great for them.
It would be helpful to only give suggestions respectfully and with acceptance.
Its like a non-alcoholic telling and alcoholic that they must just get over it and learn to drink only one drink if they want to be happy!! lol
These things are not logcal. Much as I don't really want someone to simply agree with me, but I also don't prefer those who no longer understand to tell everyone it just makes sense for them to heal.
And even if somebody is over the pian, its not helpful for others; uness there are some good toold, helpful excercises or skills that one can share.
Else it adds to judgement for those who alreay suffer from jelaousy and probably don't get validation or understanding from their partners and may even have a hard time acknowledging a and accepting their issue with jealousy.

My humble request is, if you are over it or don't suffer it, please don't give advice about what they should or should not be feeling , even if it means " for your own good'.

Thank you.

My experience is that there are some people prone to jealousy...those I call 'jealousaholics. Yes one can overcome it to some extent.
But first one has to fully admit it and admit powerlessness over it.
I'm following the 12 steps program for it.

And I would humbly request, if you aren't a jealousaholic, please don't join. We need those like us to help each other. We are very aware that its painful and causing people to leave. We are aware of how much it hurts and others.
We are not all worried about a partner cheating. Some of us are.
Most of us, with any of these types of worries CANNOT HELP the hurt the pain the emotion and obsessive thinking.
Non-jealousaholics or those who have recovered and forgotten their past might not be able to share the acceptance and respect and validation that we need.
We need the safety of a non-judgemnetal and respectful of our own pace and place on the journey attitude for our healin.
Please allow us that. Thank You.

I don't think that this is judgement. I think that it's a very heavy burden being so jealous. We are really trying to give you ideas to help you. I know you are going to resist because jealousy is such a difficult issue to cope with. It does destroy relationships. Anyone who is on here has at one time or another been jealous. Some of us have worked past extreme jealousy and some of us are still a little bit jealous and some of us are a lot jealous. The point is that this forum is not specifically meant just for the person who is currently jealous. We are on here to learn from each others experiences. We don't know each other so there is no personal gain to judge anyone. It doesn't affect anyone's life but yours,what is happening to you. Please take advice for what it is worth. Just advice, based on someone else's experience,with jealousy. None of us are unique to jealousy, it's very difficult to carry the burden of jealousy.