Jealousy Support Group
Jealousy typically refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival. This rival may or may not know that he or she is perceived as a threat. If you or a loved one may have an issue with jealousy, this community is a good place to start exploring the issue and get support. We're here for...
My boyfriend always assured me that he would always tell me the truth even if the truth hurt. Well while we were talking last night I caught him in a lie that he told me 2 months ago! Then he lied and said he didn't lie! I coudn't believe he played me for stupid. Part of me can't blame him because all I do is nag him and am so jealous over every little thing so of course he's going to lie. It just irks me that it bugs me so much over something so stupid. He lied about a girl that text him wanting to hang out a couple months back. Of course I went balistic on him about it but he said they were just friends. then I find out that they had dated and been a little intimate (no sex). when I asked why he lied his response was "I don't know".
I can understand that he lied because I went crazy over a little text message. But with my past and jealousy all i'm going to do is question his every move...but I did anyways before I knew he lied. I want to be angry but I dont want to waste my energy over it.
I also have the tendency to apologize when i'm the one that's been hurt. I feel so bad and don't want my significant other to hate me so I apologize for myself and for being upset. And it hurts that it looks like he doesn't even care that his lying hurt me. I just want to be secure with myself enough not to care about an ex girlfriend, or any girl for that matter. When he works at the resort we work at he sometimes is around the pool where there is girls in bikinis...pretty girls, skinny girls. And when he gets home I attack him and ask him if he was looking at them or if he talked to them. I catch myself sometimes if a cute guy goes by looking, so why do I have this double standard? i'm starting to despise myself. whew...that was a lot to get off my chest for just one day.
I can understand that he lied because I went crazy over a little text message. But with my past and jealousy all i'm going to do is question his every move...but I did anyways before I knew he lied. I want to be angry but I dont want to waste my energy over it.
I also have the tendency to apologize when i'm the one that's been hurt. I feel so bad and don't want my significant other to hate me so I apologize for myself and for being upset. And it hurts that it looks like he doesn't even care that his lying hurt me. I just want to be secure with myself enough not to care about an ex girlfriend, or any girl for that matter. When he works at the resort we work at he sometimes is around the pool where there is girls in bikinis...pretty girls, skinny girls. And when he gets home I attack him and ask him if he was looking at them or if he talked to them. I catch myself sometimes if a cute guy goes by looking, so why do I have this double standard? i'm starting to despise myself. whew...that was a lot to get off my chest for just one day.
You'd think we would be, weve been doing it from an early age, did you wash? Yes mum. Did you brush your teeth? Yes mum. We lied about its size to mates and how far weve gone with girls! Does my bum look big in this? No of course not. (This is true when we love you!) I'm not saying all men lie all the time, but if he loves a girl he stupidly thinks he's sparing her feelings and saving his own skin at the same time! We learn in the end.
This used to be a big issue with me and my BF but I think its slowly getting better. The key is to to teach him how to treat you. He lies because of your reaction. But your reaction is worse when he lies..right? So you calmly explain to him that you are putting your foot down and there will be no more lying, but at the same time you are giving your word that you will NOT freak out, no matter what the situation. The only time you are given a free "pass" to freak out, is if he lies again.
This seems to be working for us...he is more open, doesn't try and hide stupid things, and I am trying not to chew his head off. It's hard though, because alot of things really eat me up inside. Even reading your post about the chicks on the resort got my blood boiling...I would be the same as you. My BF has a job interview with a woman tomorrow (for a great company, it would be wonderful if he got in) but all I can think about is what this damn woman will look like. But I can't ask him because logically I know it's an irrational thought that doesn't need to be brought up.
Anyways, try having the talk with him. But you have to do everything in your power to keep your end of the bargain, and keep your foot strongly planted if he doesn't hold up his.
I have a new boyfriend now. He points pretty girls out to me and is very open and honest. I still get extremely jealous, but I've come to accept that I'll never be the most "perfect" or "ideal" woman physically and it's ridiculous to expect someone to keep their head down whenever a woman walks into the room.
Honestly, I'm worried that I'll go back to being how I used to be but I'm so grateful to have an honest partner to help me cope. I hope you both put the effort in to save your relationship. It's worth it.
Hope you find peace within!