I have been in a relationship for 13 years. Married 5. My wife has been a stay at home mom. I thought we had a pretty good relationship but when she got a job it required a lot of hours and business meetings that were done for hours at lunches and dinners at restaurants and such. She's working in an area that is popular with clubs and bars. I immediately felt neglected and my mind started reading to thoughts of cheating. It's just her and another guy for many hours. She's never once shown anything in the cheating area in our entire relationship. I reacted poorly to this situation and accusatory. This led to her finally confronting me on my issues. Insecurity, jealousy, anger. She decided she checked out of the relationship at this point emotionally and physically. I never was really aware of all these problems until she brought them to light. I have been abandoned multiple times from the age of 18 months to 18 years. Real mother, father, step family. I was abused through the ages of 4-14. Yes I was aware of those issues but not how they were affecting me in my current relationship. I agreed to therapy and couples therapy. I started educating myself with books. I agreed to psychological Dr and medication. We're 55 days since that moment. We recently kissed a few times. But this has been the most painful time in my life. We have argued and bicker most every day. I feel empty and dead with out her love. I also feel like the numerous hours and luncheons are unfair to me. But she is only working. I know this with nearly 100% confidence. Still I don't know how to let go of the fear. I wake up and feel like I'm being cheated on or something. It gives me panic attacks, anxiety, and I'm fully depressed. I feel like I'm doing so much work to fix myself and in turn this marriage but the whole thing has been torment. We are both committed to each other. She says she loves me again. But she's not ready for a physical relationship. I don't know how long to wait. I don't know if all of this is going to bring us to a better marriage. She had little time for me now. The timing of checking out is the worst because now I'm working on all my issues while she's now working with this guy almost all the time. It seems to be very little time of enjoying each other's company. I can't get the negative possibilities out of head. I just feel so lost. There's no time frame of when she will get back into this marriage. Of when her love will go from conditional to unconditional. It kills me daily to wake up and know she's not "fully" in love with me. When she's with him I literally feel ill. But it's not him and is not her. It's me and my past. It's my Insecurity fighting with my intuition from my past experiences. 2 months ago I was happy and doing awesome. It all means jack shit to me now. What's the point? I have no joy in anything I do. No friends to hang out with (they all live in other states). So what I'm left with is... I'm dealing with the last 13 years of her saying the relationship wasn't good and I have to fix myself while she now is working all sorts of hours, going to lunches and such with him all the time, has no time for me and the time she does have were just talking or bickering about things, she brings in very little money because it's sweat equity she's working for. 49% in a year. I can't get out my head and I can't enjoy my life anymore. 

Ok that's enough for now. Any feedback?