It is my personal belief that jealousy won't just go away by ending a relationship or getting in shape or having more money etc...; though these things might help a little with self esteem the change that must occur to end jealous thoughts is a much much more difficult task.

I not only learned a lot about what jealousy is, where it stems from, how it affects people across the board, how other people are affected by it, but also how I have been dealing with my own jealousy issues; which seems pretty good in comparison. Many people experience jealousy in different ways for different reasons and it is a misconception that jealousy only occurs when it is warranted of the relationship is on the rocks. I had the opportunity to talk to so many other individuals in this group; I really could not believe just how many people there were in the group and actively participating. There were jealousy issues between: siblings, best friends, spouses, fathers, sons, daughters, and even jealousy from people towards people they had never even met before. Anyone who considers themselves to have no issues with jealously might read some of these posts and laugh or think its ridiculous but the inner struggles experienced by these people are very real and very painful. Some people have lost relationships, marriages, jobs, and custody of their children over jealousy; this does not make the jealousy stop. From what I have observed and what I can tell there is no amount of reassurance one can receive by the one whom they feel threatened by or afraid to lose that can stop these feelings of jealousy; this is a change that has to come from within and requires hard work.

Upon many hours of self reflection throughout this time being involved in this support group I realized several different things about why I'm jealous, how I'm jealous, and the way I'm dealing with my jealousy issues.. The most difficult question to answer is the why; it's very difficult to pin point any one main reason why we are jealous and if we could it really doesn't seem to make that big a difference anyway. The main two reasons people blame on their jealousy is abandonment and infidelity which both act on our self esteem. I do have trust issues starting with the feeling that my sister left me when I was little and then my mother later on. I have had some issues in other relationships and in my current marriage but nothing that would compare to the things I observed in group. So this is what I have learned about the why I'm jealous: 1. if I try to answer that question I just end up going around in circles and 2. I really don't care about the why. How I'm jealous is much easier to answer; my main source or focus of jealousy is my husband. My husband is a very charismatic and funny guy and all our girlfriends love hanging out with him; he has always had lots of friends that are girls. My irrational jealous mind goes to work any time I see him interacting with any girl; even my best friend which makes me feel awful for even thinking it. When this happens I get cold, possessive, or competitive; all things that if you knew me you would know could not be further from my true personality. I have been painfully aware of my jealousy issues since the beginning of my relationship with my husband; so going on twelve years. We have a very good relationship and since I have been working on this about myself all this time he doesn't even notice when I'm jealous anymore; for the most part. I use what I have learned in the past, through counseling, that works the most which is CBT. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can be used for patients suffering with depression and worrisome thought processes. This type of therapy focuses on changing negative patterns of thoughts, feelings, and behavior that can contribute to debilitating symptoms. Cognitive treatment focuses on helping patients identify dysfunctional thinking about physical and emotional sensations(Corey, 2013). I have learned that, for me, these thoughts can spiral out of control but If I can change the behavior and stop the thought processes it goes away.

I would definitely recommend the online support group for jealousy. Being active in this group not only gives you perspective on the issue itself but there is no better way to learn something than to teach it. When I would converse with and help others struggling in the group I felt I gained a better understanding of how to deal with my own issues a step further. I will continue to participate in the group even when this class is over; people struggling with this need to know they are not alone and that it can be changed.


Corey, G. (2013). Theory and Practice of Counseling and Psychotherapy, 9th ed.Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole, Cengage Learning.