Jealousy Support Group
Jealousy typically refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival. This rival may or may not know that he or she is perceived as a threat. If you or a loved one may have an issue with jealousy, this community is a good place to start exploring the issue and get support. We're here for...
Hi, My name is Ellie. I am 32 y/o and live in Florida, with my fiancee' Jon. Let me tell you our story, then I will explain what my problem is. Jon and I have known each other since high school. We dated my freshman year, his Jr year, in 1996. We were forced to break up because when Jon waited after school with me for my father to arrive to pick me up, my dad took one look at him and said "don't ever talk to my daughter again" Mind you, Jon was wearing Class B dress uniform for JROTC. He was clean cut and clean shaven! We kept in touch over the years and our feelings for one another never changed. However, at different times when we wanted to try again, life got in the way. We finally got our 2nd chance this Sept. I was released from Prison Aug 23. I went back to my ex husband (Justin) who has custody of my daughter's because I wanted to be a part of my daughter's lives ( I had been away from them since 2002, when I left Justin the first time) When I got home to Justin's house, I realized quickly that he was abusing and addicted to prescription medications. He would go thru his whole months supply in 3-5 days after receiving them. I know I do not want to go back down that road again. I decided in prison that lifestyle was a LIVING HELL and I would not relive it. A few weeks before I left Justin, Jon and I got back in touch (again) and Jon and I met up one day for him to go with me to my Dr's appointments that I had that day. When he walked up to me and I put my arms around him, I felt all those feelings from high school, come rushing back. Then he kissed me and I knew the fight that I had been fighting since High School, was over!!! Jon gave me a job, and I began working with him in order ot have some of my own money, but mainly to spend as much time with him as I possibly could. When I decided to leave Justin, Jon offered to take me in, giving me a place to stay. I moved in with him Oct 5th. It has been wonderful, yes we have our "issues" but never before have I been so happy. I never knew the meaning of the words "True Love" until Jon. He has shown me what unconditional love is. I am happier than I have ever been (and I have been married/divorced twice) I only THOUGHT I was in love with those others.Now, for the problem.... Jon has an ex fiancee that he was with for 4 years, before we got together and they had broken up a little over a year before we started dating, I think. Anyway, he passed comments in the beginning of our relationship that "Sarah" (his ex) is the love of his life, his soulmate, and the best sex that he ever had. I have huge jealousy issues about this girl. I have found video's of them having sex on the computer (the same video is on his phone) He still has picture's of her on the computer and phone, he even sent her a picture of the back yard of the house we were doing a remodel on a while back, no words in the email, just the picture. I feel like I am "paying for the consequences" of the hurt she's caused him. He doesn't want me to have a key to his truck (which I drive more than he does) because SHE left and took HIS car and ALL their money. I can't have a joint credit card with him for the same reason. He mentioned the other day, when I was watching a commercial for a jewelry store sale, and I said a ring was really pretty, that he'd never buy another diamond, because they last one he bought was sitting in the bottom of the ocean. Again, I feel like I am paying for what she d id to him. He later told me that he no longer considers her to be the love of his life (he said I am) and that she's no longer the best sex he's ever had (I am) and she's not his soulmate, (He said he doens't believe in soulmates anymore) Hearing that She's not anymore makes me feel better, but with all my heart I believe that we're meant to be together (as many times as fate has brought us back into one another's lives) and that we're soulmates!!! Another thing is, I keep hearing about something that she did or they did together, and for once I want to find SOMETHING that is a first for him...... Am I wrong for feeling this way? Does anyone have any suggestions on helping me get past this? I hate these ugly feelings of jealousy that I have over her. Please Help!!! Thank you for taking the time to read and maybe respond to this. I appreciate any and all responses.
Ellie
Ellie
BUT, you have been divorced, you can understand that it takes time to get over someone that had a few good points and enough bad points to lead to a horribly loud and expensive breakup. He needs time to get over it, preferably in a way that is easier on you.
One word, counseling. He needs someone to help him get over it, and you both could use couples counseling to work on communication skills so you both don't wind up making old mistakes in THIS marriage
I was 33 or so when I realized I acted just like my jackass of a father to women, and that he had never been involved with a woman more than 4 years and neither had i. I found people who could tell me which habits to break pretty quickly after that!
So we all have habits we need pointed out at some point and learn other ones
doing more around the house, looking for a job, not bringing up his ex's and my jealousy and insecurity issues....
I did not take offense to anything that you said.. I welcome your advice. Thank you.
the point of vuonerability when you met him makes it hard I think
He has provided you with financial support, and support at several levels, making it easier for him to have an upper hand and you are the one at the reeciving and grateful end.
However, both partners must be at a level of equality atleast when it comes to treating each other with respect and heraing each other out.
It does not matter how much his past hurts him. Its simply not OK to bring in up in frot of you at all.
And he must be apologetic and considerate of your feelings if he is denying you the opportunity to have a ring. Its not your fault and he must take the responsibilty for his baggage.