Jealousy Support Group
Jealousy typically refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival. This rival may or may not know that he or she is perceived as a threat. If you or a loved one may have an issue with jealousy, this community is a good place to start exploring the issue and get support. We're here for...
I need help and I don't know what kind, I am so fed up with this ongoing fucked up mind of mine. I constantly have this terrifying fear that he is cheating on me....it doesn't matter how much he reassures me or how often I call none of it makes any difference, he hasn't even given me a reason to feel like this............
I KNOW IT'S ME BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO STOP THESE THOUGHTS!
I love him yet I don't believe one word he tells me it is so heartbreaking to destroy a relationship with someone who has never been anything but kind, it's not like I can give myself an excuse he's never cheated in the past doesn't lie, is honest even in times I don't want to hear it.
I know lots of you suffer from jealousy, but while he is away I am relieved of that. Yet burdened with constant paranoia.
I cry constantly, I am consumed with thoughts of it, my mind doesn't give me a break, when I try to think positive, I always slip back into that shit way of thinking. It's breaking me up inside.
I told him tonight I want to get a divorce when I arrive in iran, I can't live with these fears, if only he was here, but he isn't and won't be for a long time, I really need relief, I ask my higher power (which is god) to help me, but I don't feel any help whatsoever. Is there a name for it, this thing that is controlling my life?
I can't see any hope, all I see is dark thoughts going on and on and on. I can't imagine how I wouid feel being accused day in and day out, he puts up with a lot, but it must hurt him too.
Since this group is really quiet I might post in a couple of other groups because I really need some constructive feedback, regarding me and not him.
I KNOW IT'S ME BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO STOP THESE THOUGHTS!
I love him yet I don't believe one word he tells me it is so heartbreaking to destroy a relationship with someone who has never been anything but kind, it's not like I can give myself an excuse he's never cheated in the past doesn't lie, is honest even in times I don't want to hear it.
I know lots of you suffer from jealousy, but while he is away I am relieved of that. Yet burdened with constant paranoia.
I cry constantly, I am consumed with thoughts of it, my mind doesn't give me a break, when I try to think positive, I always slip back into that shit way of thinking. It's breaking me up inside.
I told him tonight I want to get a divorce when I arrive in iran, I can't live with these fears, if only he was here, but he isn't and won't be for a long time, I really need relief, I ask my higher power (which is god) to help me, but I don't feel any help whatsoever. Is there a name for it, this thing that is controlling my life?
I can't see any hope, all I see is dark thoughts going on and on and on. I can't imagine how I wouid feel being accused day in and day out, he puts up with a lot, but it must hurt him too.
Since this group is really quiet I might post in a couple of other groups because I really need some constructive feedback, regarding me and not him.
i personally believe that love him so much and your scared to lose him, your scared that if you let yourself love and trust him with your whole heart that it will kill you if he ever was unfaithful, this way you dont get AS hurt as you would if you never saw it coming.
i myself am a very paranoied person too. and i live with my partner.
i dwell over the smallest things.
when i start thinking something bad, i outloud go "hey hey hey hey, shut up" and then start mumbling a song of somesort. or rediect my thoughts to something happy and repeat it over and over again in my mind until the bad thought is gone..
(it mostly works for me)
you need to try and calm down and breath in these situations (they sound a tad like panic attacks, does ur heart race? and you feel like you might die?)
number 1 though YOU WONT DIE!
but you need to breath and sit down and relax and turn your bad emotions into something good, try a hobby like ART or writing your feelings into livejournal.com to get them off your chest at the end of each day. try to learn something new about your thought path everyday and write it in there, and how you could change it, and then apply that change.
you might find this makes you not feel as crazy about things as you once felt..
the thing that is controlling your life sounds to me like 'co-dependancy' (there is a group here take a look and see if thats you) you just need your husband there with you, someone there to hold you and hug you and love you, like you need to be loved and tell you everything will be okay and he will keep you safe.
if he lived with you do you think you could cope?
or would it stay the same?
do you really want a divorce?
or did you just say that to see what he said?
goodluck manda.
A lot of what you say is so true. I am going to answer it part by part.
About the councilling I am in therapy, and I have had cbt in the past, it is short term relief but on the bigger picture I don't think it is helping.
I am scared to let him in to love and trust him with my whole heart you are right. It would devastate me if he cheated but not as much as it would if it went unknown (ie for it to go on behind my back is a worse feeling than for him to come and tell me so I could leave). Maybe this way is true maybe this fear is keeping me from getting AS hurt as you say.
Sometimes I try that whole distracting myself or telling myself to shut up and think of something else, again it works for that moment, but long term it's always there again.
In these moments there kinda different from a panick attack (I have experienced full on panic attacks cose I have a fear of dying and sometimes when I fall into a sleep I take a panic attack) these feelings are different though as intense I must say, the come with uncontrollable crying and sobbing.
I do write my feelings down, I write in diarys, i write in livejournal too and also enotalone, so yea I try to get my feelings out there.
You think co-dependacy I think so too, I also think I have OCD with this obsessive thought and compulsive behaviour (which is calling ongoing every 15mins sometimes to an hour).
You asked "if he lived with you do you think you could cope?
or would it stay the same?" If he lived with me I would be able to cope yes I think so, when we are physically together I feel so safe and could never imagine him cheating yet I suffer more with the jealousy, but overall I think I would be able to live a less stressful life.
Do I really want a divorce, no but I don't know how to cope the next 1.5 years till the distance ends. He just soothes me when I talk like that, I think he knows it's not what I want but when I said it to him I meant it even if my feelings change later.
Thanks for taking the time to reply ttcnumber1.