IVF with Donor Eggs or Donor Embryos Community Group
Support and advice for those who need to use Donor Eggs, Donor Embryos, or Donor Eggs/Embryos with a Gestational Carrier for infertility treatment. Welcome all at every stage of this journey to Motherhood.
For all the women out there who have done or currently using a donor egg. How did you cope with the fact that it is not your egg and that genetically the child is not yours? I'm trying to wrap my mind and heart around the idea that my eggs are not working and I may opt to choose a donor egg. I'm worried that I won't be able to bond with the child. I am stressing out. This is so painful to have to go through and I feel like I am worthless. I am mad that I am having to pay for something everyone else gets to do for free. I mad that I see people popping out kids that don't want or can't afford so easily. I am sad, angry, and disappointed that this is my journey. I am needing some help from someone who has been there. Any advice is welcome. Thank you.
I agree with everything the ladies above have said. Also, I completely understand all of the negative emotions you are feeling, I have been there too. I still get sad/angry over pregnancy announcements, because we had to work so hard and put out a lot of money to get (like you said) what others get so easily for free. I totally get it! The pain of IF leaves scars that don't really go away. No one gets that part - unless they have experienced it first hand. Even my DH doesn't truly get that part.
I think of the path we had to take to have our daughter and realize if I never had IF I wouldn't have my beautiful daughter - I wouldn't trade her for my own genetic child. I worry too of rejection when we tell our daughter how she came into this world, but my husband tells me I'm worrying over nothing; that I am her Mom. I just want her to have the most wonderful life and know how much I love her, that she is my miracle baby!
I'm so sorry you are dealing with all of this, I know how stressful it is! Feel free to message me with any questions you have. We are all here for you!
First off *big hugs* it is such a hard thing to have to cope with when you realize that your eggs don't work and all the yucky feeling you are having are normal and natural. I made the decision to use DE after 5 miscarriages, tons of labs and 2 surgeries and my second RE giving me a 30% chance of IVF working with my own eggs, at least I get an A for effort. But now that I am 19 weeks pregnant with twin boys, I hardly ever think about having to use a DE. Every time I see them kicking and squirming on the u/s screen, I know in my heart that they are 100% mine!! It is true that in using DE you loss a "genetic connection" but you gain so much more! You are still considered that child's biological mother, you get to carry your husbands child and you get to be pregnant, give birth and breast feed, the donor really only gives you one cell that is it, you do the rest of the hard work! I know deciding to go the DE route is not an easy one so if you have any questions feel free to ask.. and best of luck!!
My DH and I also just decided to use donor eggs. I have had a few months now to swallow this pill and I must say I truly feel like this is the right step. I have all the same feelings you do Dixie chicken, but after doing a lot of research it sounds like everyone feels the same way, once you see that heartbeat on that ultrasound you know that baby is all yours. I am very sad that my genetics won't be apart of our baby, but after this long and painful journey I want to be a mom who is able to experience pregnancy and deliver a child. On a side note, I was also reading that our environment (womb) we create will have an affect on which genes are actually expressed in the baby. So we help mold the baby into who it will become even thought it is not our dna, right from the beginning. Close enough for me!