I am so scared about my appointment today, it just seems like my health is deteriorating rapidly, everything hurts. I am having horrendous back/kidney spasms and pain, sometimes to the point I can't breath, bruises and cuts aren't healing and I bruise so easily, example I barely hit my arm Tuesday and now it is a bruised nasty mess. I am terrified about more nerve blocks, the bleeding and pain after, not to mention if I get the trigger point shots in my back again. The thought of being catheterized makes me wanna cry, although I am having trouble peeing again so maybe it will help with the pressure, but I know it is going to hurt so bad when they put it in. I am just to the point I wanna give up on all of it, I am physically, mentally, and emotionally wore out and I am sick of the treatments not working, I am starting to wonder if there is anything out there that can even help me, yeah I may get a day or two of relief, but all that does is gives me false hope and then I am let down again because it ALWAYS returns. I try so hard to be positive but it is getting harder and harder to remain that way, I can no longer see the light at the end of the tunnel, just pitch black. All I want is to be without pain, but maybe I am asking for too much, I just wish I knew why God has allowed all of us to suffer like this.