CLIMBING A MOUNTAIN WITH NO SUMMIT
by Rebekah LaSala

Yeah, inch by inch, mile by mile, I painfully tread

Where no man or woman wants to go

I walk a trail with no name

A trail that nobody knows

A trail with no markers to tell me where to go

A trail with no guidebook or whether I ought to go fast or slow

No, my mountain is in my bones

My mountain is in the pain of my back

My mountain is never cutting me slack

I walk a thousand miles and my heart beats fast

I tread so painfully I think I am going to drop

I go so woefully and a I cry many tears with many rivers to cross

I see strange people along the way

Some laugh at me and tell me I am going to die

Some tell me that I am not worth living and just taking up space

Others laugh at my strength but they just want to save face

Some are wearing clown masks and pretend to be my friend

But not one person tells me it will all be okay in the end

I tread with the drumbeat of the Native in my head

I think that I know I am not better off dead

The stamina it takes just to stay mentally afloat

Is more than I could afford in any expensive boat

I am trying to mentally keep myself intact

My emotions are constantly straying b/c the pain wants to pull me back

The pain of the mountain in my bones

Knocks me down again and again until I am an unknown

Unknown to life and unknown to what is ahead of me

I tread again and again even though my pelvic area wants to rip itself apart

The mountains inside my stomach has absolutely no heart

The Satan in the pain is more than I can take

But I pretend there is a summit to this mountain I cannot fake

And when I get to that summit

I will scream, cry and let it all go

And maybe that one time could be prophetic, healing, cleansing and great

But the pain keeps me from getting there right now

I don't want it to be too late

The next time you meet someone with a disease you don't understand

Don't pass them by with cruelty, don't pull away your hand

This trail has developed compassion in me I never had before

I never knew how many miles chronic pain had on it and how much strength it would take

But I pray that life is more than the pain ripping the life inside of me up

One day, I will conquer it and the going will be rough

But when I get there, Iwill have such a story to tell

Of what chronic pain is like when you are a great person stuck in a hell

A hell that you can't get out of and everyone thinks you are just crying wolf

When you are the one suffering more than you can ever put into words or articulate

But one day it will really be great

When this trail ends

There will be another one to start

And another one after that

Until I have a teacher's heart

And I can teach others how hard it really is

To be in pain all the time and to not know how to describe

The pain that holds me captive to it day in and day out

I know that one day I will fight this thing without a doubt

And on that day, you might want to take cover

For the mountains and earth will shake but I will not be there to hover

I will be flying above you and I will be in the eagle's wings

For though my spirit is on land, it will be shape shifting

My spirit has learned that pain is just a manifestation of suffering on this earth

But there is more than we know and understand

And one day I will travel there

Until then, I pray that my pain gets better just for today

And I say "Till next time" I will see you on the trail tomorrow

Where there will be no more time for sorrow