Interracial Relationships Support Group

This community is dedicated to the challenges presented when two people of different religious backgrounds form a relationship. Mingling different religions has both positive and potentially challenging aspects, including the religious preferences of children, religious holidays and traditions, schools and religious education and potentially different moral or ethical...

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sesom
sesom

I am a darker, kinky haired Puerto Rican and my wife is a fair skinned Italian.  We've been married over 20 years and things were fine.  Both families accepted us (on the surface anyway).  We've had 3 kids. Differences in culture has always been a hurdle for each of us to understand but we get through it.  Our love is that strong.  No special reason for marrying someone of a different race.  We just meet and fell in love.  Originally lived in the melting pot of NYC, we're we both grew up.  We each had plenty of friends and they were supportive as well.  No issues until we decided to move to the suburbs.  Like most, our search was to move somewhere that had a quality school district and low crime.  We finally found a home in a location that matched our budget and the above criteria’s.  I did not think about the fact that minorities made only 10% of the population.  I am a quiet guy.  I didn't think it would be so hard to find friends.  My old friends are just too far so I’ve been trying to find local friends.  At first it didn't bother me as my wife and I are like best friends and we do a lot together.  It’s been several years now.  I never took into consideration how society works.  People tend to gravitate towards their own type. Being race, interest, sex, etc.  Especially those that are middle aged. Not always a "racist" thing but it's a natural thing.  So being dark, in a white neighborhood, quiet and not into sports, I'm having such a hard time!  My wife is a great partner and most of the time it pacifies me.  But honestly, it gets depressing.  They say when you’ve been out of the dating game, it’s hard to get back in, but I’ve never had to try hard to make a friend.  Never invited to anything.   Certainly, I have tier 2 friends that I talk to in passing but nothing outside of that.  I can’t keep thinking it’s me.  Or is it the situation I’m in (neighborhood, interest, sex, etc.)?  Or is it both.  I’ve been so depressed about this.   Does anyone have this problem?  Or did I enhance the problem by moving to the wrong area?

Hopealways
Hopealways
Hi Sesom, sorry for getting back to you so late. I am going to be 100% honest with you on my personal experience. So I currently live in a small fishing town. I moved here reading it was diverse but it's not. I grew up in an extremely diverse community where I was the minority. Everyone growing up spoke another language whether that was portuguese, brazilian portuguese, different dialects of spanish, Everywhere I went in my hometown I was used to not hearing english spoken in stores, restaurants, etc. However, where I live now I am the majority and everyone speaks english as their primary language for 85% of the population at least. And I'll be honest I HATE living here. It's not home to me. I only stay so my Puerto Rican future husband is happy. He identifies as afro latino. One of his parents is Dominican, the other Puerto Rican. He was born and raised in Puerto Rico. When I am with his family I feel at home. Everyone speaks spanish. We eat traditional dominican and Puerto Rican dishes. I am expected and do speak spanish with my future inlaws who I love dearly and who love me. My parents who grew up in a diverse neighborhood love my future husband. However, we do not spend much time with them. I am estranged from my mother. My father's side from down south is out right racist and I have disowned them long before my future husband was in the picture. While I have nothing against caucasian American men. I have never been drawn to them on a physical level. I have maybe been on two dates with caucasian american men. The reason I say caucasian american is because I tend to date outside of not just my race, ethnicity, cultural traditions. Most men I have dated were origionally born in another country. Obvious PR is part of the U.S as a territory. Hence, trying to cover all of my bases basically saying I prefer to date someone the opposite of me (blonde hair, hazel eyes, European background). So I won't say I 100% understand. Because we are all human and each have our own personal experiences. But I do miss a more diverse place, and I am more comfortable being in a group of friends and being the minority instead of the majority. So therefore, it has been almost impossible to make friends where I live now. I know if I tried harder I would make more friends. I honestly tend to try and make more friends where I work now which is another diverse city. I apologize in advance if anything I said came out wrong. I am extremely exhausted. I hope this helped. Many blessings.