Interracial Relationships Support Group
This community is dedicated to the challenges presented when two people of different religious backgrounds form a relationship. Mingling different religions has both positive and potentially challenging aspects, including the religious preferences of children, religious holidays and traditions, schools and religious education and potentially different moral or ethical...
I'm a white Christian girl from California and I started seeing this guy. He moved to California from Saudi Arabia a few years ago and he's Muslim. We really really like each other. He hasn't met my parents yet but I mentioned to my dad that he's from Saudi and my dad went into a rant about how women are treated there and that I'm not allowed to become Muslim and move to Saudi. Like geez, I haven't even been seeing this guy very long and my dad basically just accused him of being sexist or something just because he's Muslim and from Saudi Arabia. He's actually very progressive and and very respectful. I just never thought I'd be dealing with something like this. Racist and islamophobia are not words that come to mind when I think of my dad. I've never heard him say things like this before and he's never been that protective when it comes to dating. What am I supposed to do? Btw my dad is not a Christian like I am. He's an atheist and hates the idea of religion in general
Muslim men who visit the states from middle eastern countries often present themselves as modern, enlightened and open minded. They like to present as some exotic mix of romanticized middle eastern and suave sophisticated modern men.
One, they actually are a little more progressive than the dudes back home lording over their three wives. Secondly, why would they be honest about how devout they are to an American? Seeming progressive strokes their ego and allows them to appear integrated. They'd be pretty darn foolish to come here and start acting the fool, wouldn't they?
The fact is, American women who are clued in to how Arab men operate mostly all have the same experience. They meet a handsome man who professes to be modern in his thinking and nothing like his family back home or they profess to be from forward thinking family of intellectuals who 'aren't like that'. Or his family has picked him out a wife, but he doesn't want that for himself. Girl's real infatuated, thinking she's found the one unicorn.
Fast forward a few years and girl has learned her unicorn came here with the intention of marrying the person his family selected or pre-approved back home. He played, flirted, they had sex, and he may have cheated on her, made babies with her, and sometimes they even got married. What she didn't know was it was all done, WITH THE INTENTION OF STILL DEDICATING HIS LIFE TO THE GIRL BACK HOME. Once his career takes off, or he gets his green card, or whatever he's here for happens the unicorn does a 180 and wipes the slate clean to make way for his real wife and family. Or worse, her wildest dreams come true and he keeps her and takes her home with him. Culture shock is one thing but living as a woman in SA is another thing entirely. There your husband makes most all your decisions and the few you are allowed to make, he can overrule on a whim. You will be pressured/forced to convert, cause that's just how they roll. EVERY SINGLE GIRL thinks they are the exception and 95% learn very painfully that they are not.
I can remember standing in a museum once when I was eighteen, looking at an exhibition of SA artifacts (mostly handmade ancient jewelry). I asked a curator a question about one of the pieces and the young man totally flipped out. Her literally ran over to several older men and began speaking in quick fast Arabic. A short while later a female came into the room to explain to be that the only conversation I should be having with a Saudi man was to ask for a female to speak to. Men were not allowed to interact with women and I should have known that. It was the early 90's, we were standing in a museum in NY, I was eighteen, the man I spoke to was probably in his mid-twenties and I asked what kind of gemstone was in a necklace. Not weird at all, right?
You need to understand that there is a difference between not being politically correct and actually being racist and Islamophobic. You also need to know that your unicorn was born and raised in a country where women just got awarded the right drive by royal decree this year...in 2017. Women in Saudia Arabia still cannot own a bank account, make decision on life saving medical treatment for their own body, get a passport or travel without the express permission of the male in charge of their lives and when they testify in a court of law their word is literally worth HALF that of a man. Full length abayas must be worn by all women in public even in the sweltering heat. Thank goodness, in recent years rules over the colour, decoration, and how headscarves are worn have been relaxed. And if you don't like men running your life, you might want to google 'honor killings' to get a sneak peak at what happens to women who don't follow the rules. Here's a hint: Men must take certain actions or their entire family is shamed by the woman's behavior.
And by the way, according to their religion it's not considered illegal or immoral to lie to a westerner. We're infidels, so they don't even have to feel bad about lying to us. The kicker is, most Imans agree that it is better to marry a westerner in order to have sex without sinning, and then simply abandoned her or divorce her when you are ready to return home. The more fundamentalist Imans have been captured on video teaching their flock that infidels are like cattle, you can lead them away and simply kill them if you want. Saudi Arabia is the only county in the entire world without churches, so good luck being Christian when visiting there. Christianity is not only frowned upon there, Christians are actively persecuted.
That's basically what your dealing with. You go right ahead with your trendy proud little self. Rebel against your father, ignore the abundance of evidence highlighting what a truly bad decision it is to get involved with a Islamic person from Saudi Arabia and keep right on playing with fire. You're more special than all the other ladies that got burned, right?
The fact is, there are tons of hot guys from around the freaking world that are ten times more likely to deal honestly with you and treat you like an actual human being (rather than property). They're literally everywhere. Why subject yourself to potentially becoming property?
Have you spoken to the gentlemen that you are seeing about his particular beliefs? I briefly read the comments above. Many of my Muslim friends have very different beliefs on many of the topics listed above.
Christian or not doesn't really have anything to do with your father's thoughts. My father is a Christian. He moved from a very conservative area that did not believe in dating outside your race, culture, religion. When I started dating outside of my culture, race, and religion, I looked my dad one day square in the eyes and I told him one day I will marry outside my race, culture, or religion so you better get used to it now. I was in high school. My mother was from the city, not a Christian and told me to date who I loved regardless of race, religion, or culture, or sexuality. My father learned very quickly he was going to have to accept who I love regardless. He started making an effort and learning about my significant others culture, or religion as I dated different people from different backgrounds. He also made an effort to have a dialogue with my friends from other countries and religion to learn more about their culture or religion. He has come full circle. His
Side of family has disowned me. To be honest, that is fine with me. If my Uncle, Aunt, and cousins, etc. cannot accept a person for how well they treat me, and who they are as a human being than there is the door. At the end of the day we all bleed red. We, as a Society be open to conversation and get to know one another. My father has since told his friends and family where to go when they have made racist or disrespectful comments about who I date. I have no regrets. You have to be prepared for how your family will react, and if you can handle being possibly being rejected. If you can't I would do some soul searching. Only positive vibes and blessings to you my friend.