Interracial Relationships Support Group
This community is dedicated to the challenges presented when two people of different religious backgrounds form a relationship. Mingling different religions has both positive and potentially challenging aspects, including the religious preferences of children, religious holidays and traditions, schools and religious education and potentially different moral or ethical...
I’m a 27-year-old Black woman. I’ve been attracted to White and Latin guys since I was a little girl. From my first crush on one of my older brother’s friends to my first playground boyfriend, my earliest instances of attraction were centered on White and Hispanic men. On top of that, I have felt a sense of rejection when I try to make Black friends. No matter what I do, I’m always an outcast. Those factors, along with a journey toward self-acceptance, have made me specifically seek relationships with white and Hispanic men.
Today, a guy I’ve been talking to told me that he’s attracted to me, but he’s not sure that he is going to be attracted to me long-term. Since he is primarily attracted to white women, He doesn’t know how long he’s going to be into me. I was really hurt. It doesn’t feel good to think that someone looks at me as a Black woman as something to try out or something to say he did once. I make sure that I don’t waste the time of men I’m not actually attracted to. I don’t try to date Black men because I know that I would just be trying to make something work that doesn’t match with who I am for selfish reasons. I feel that I was treated as a thing and not as a person, and I’m really hurt by that. It makes me wonder if this is the reason that many of the relationships or flings I have with White men don’t work out. As long as I pursue relationships with White men, am I always going to be a commodity instead of a person? Has anyone else felt this pain before? Does anyone have anything encouraging to say?
Eventually I came to realize more than 10 years ago that the frustration is my problem for not being able to accept who I am. I'm just different than the rest of my community which made it harder for me to not try because I wanted them as friends at least.
Please don't feel like I'm trying to pressure you to do anything but think.......
Why do you limit yourself to those 3 races?
Why do you feel selfish for not being able to make it work these men?
The most encouraging thing I can say is set some boundaries before you start just accepting whatever so that you feel like you fit in (if thats an issue for you). Take those boundaries and apply it to your relationships, including yourself.
Keep coming back and talking about this. Its interesting to hear that someone else has these feelings as well.
I was starting to think this group wasn't active.
The man you were seeing who only says he is not sure how long he is going to be attracted to you can get bent. He clearly does not know what an incredible woman you are.
I agree with stillstanding about accepting yourself and boundries.
The more boundries I set and made clear what I was looking for it was easier to find a man that treated me well. He also happened to be a great friend of 12 years.
My philosophy has always been I love to date outside of my race but outside of my culture. Almost all of the men I have dated were born in other countries. I felt in my heart as cheesy as this may sound that being able to date someone outside of my culture allowed me to experience another cultures food, customs, learn more about another country. Granted it was one persons perspective not the whole culture.
Growing up, I grew up in a very diverse area. I am a white woman in my thirties. I found typically white men were not interested in me. Honestly, we all have types of people we are attracted to. Whether they have brown eyes or blue eyes or hazel. Or born in the U.S or not.
My point is there are good men and there are crappy men. Same with women. People who will not be kind and caring the way we want them to be regardless of race, culture, or religion.
I only say this and I realize I have not dated every culture. I was engaged for 6 years to a kind and caring Haitian man. He was born in the U.S but spoke Haitian Creole, visited Haiti often. Embraced his culture to the fullest extent. It didnt work out. I moved on. I am now with an amazing man years later who I will be marrying who identifies as afro latino.
Honestly, men from all cultures and races have treated me like crap. There have also been a few who have been nice and it just didnt work out. It wasn't until I set strict boundries and what I was looking for in a significant other and start to love myself (that is still a work in progress) did I start attracting men who treated me well.
I hope this was helpful and I am sorry if I seemed to ramble.
Many Blessings. Hope I was able to help.
Date a person not a race. The same can be said about the person you are dating. Are there going to be fears of saying the wrong things, absolutely! But if you can focus on dating a person and not a race, then your chances of a relationship will be greater.
Sounds like the guy you were with is just a jerk. They come in all shapes and sizes. One of my exes, who I asked if his parents were okay with him dating me said yes. I later found out after a year while having dinner with them that his parents believed 'if God wanted to have mix marriages than he would have created pepper people, not black and white'. Imagine my horror to know that I had thought these people were accepting of me all this time and they weren't. Needless to say that relationship ended quickly. Not only because of their views but because he did not defend us.