Interracial Relationships Support Group

This community is dedicated to the challenges presented when two people of different religious backgrounds form a relationship. Mingling different religions has both positive and potentially challenging aspects, including the religious preferences of children, religious holidays and traditions, schools and religious education and potentially different moral or ethical...

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jules8705 12/13/2013

I am 26 years old, less than a month shy of 27. I have been dating a black guy for 3 years. His family has met me and accept me for who I am. When I told my parents earlier this year, who I knew wouldn't take the news very well, didn't take it as hard as I thought. They didn't disown me or take away any of my family duties or fire me (because we have a Family owned business) . But as we end our 3rd year, the struggle to deal with my parental issues are causing our relationship to struggle. My dad refuses to meet him. My mom will back my dad. They just don't believe in this type of relationship. My boyfriend is getting really anxious about meeting them. But how can I make someone meet someone they don't want to? We want to get engaged and married. We want to have children. We aren't getting any younger. I am having a hard time dividing my efforts on Holidays and my boyfriend feels left out because he is far away from his family. I don't want to ruin the relationship with my parents but I don't want to lose my boyfriend. I told my boyfriend that we just need to go ahead and get engaged to show them we aren't playing. I've been told once the grandchildren start coming, they parents come around. How do I let my parents know this I what I want?

epicjourney 12/13/2013

jules - first, it's ok, really. time is on your side. if your father knows, and all he is saying is that he doesn't want to meet the young man, then that is a very good sign. If your father was truly ignorant, racist, or unreasonable, he would have forbade you to see your boyfriend and cut your off financially or emotionally. It sounds like he is just having a hard time accepting it, and that is ok. Your Dad was probably raised with that kind of background and that is not his fault. Everyone needs to grow. Give your father a break. Show that you love him and want to accommodate him. Tell him that you will not put pressure on him because he is very important to you and you don't want to lose him. Pick the time and place carefully when you discuss these things with him, just the two of you. Your mom can be an ally, but do not manipulate her. Let your father come to it on his own time and in his own way. If that means waiting until he sees that cute little multiracial face staring up at him, then so be it. Time is on your side. I wish you and family much peace and joy. EJ

jules8705 12/13/2013

Thank you for kind words. And yes my dad was raised like that. My dad was born in the early 1940s in North Alabama!

epicjourney 12/14/2013

judging by the way you are, I bet you have some great parents. if they had not raised you to do what is right, you probably would have taken their worst qualities. love conquors all. you will see. peace and love, EJ

deleted_user 12/28/2013

All I can say is that yes, your family seem very important to you, but they should not rule your life. You are young, and I get it, I really do. Its easy for me to sit here in my forties and say ''to hell with them'', but of course thats not the case a lot of the time.
But please don't allow this to screw up what sounds like a really good relationship. You have managed to last three years with all of these issues, and once your family truly see that it is important to you, and not just a ''passing phase'' then hopefully they will slowly come around.
Just try and balance your time between the two. Spend time with your boyfriend and your family as equally as you can.

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