Internet Addiction Support Group
This community is for people who believe they are addicted to the Internet and would like support. Internet addiction disorder (IAD) is a theorized disorder coined by Ivan Goldberg, M.D., in 1997. It is compared to pathological gambling. Whether the Internet is causing significant stress and impairment in your life, or you would like to reduce your usage of the Internet,...
Last night I was encouraged by an anonymous person that I met on Omegle, to chat Via Skype, I let them watch me strip even though their camera was 'broken' then I entertained them.
At the end of our 'conversation' a message appeared that started, 'while you were playing I was downloading all of your e-mail contacts and files from your computer......'
I didn't finish reading the message, I deleted it and blocked them. I am so ashamed it went so far and worried that they will have a way to 'trace me or my loved ones'.
Even if they don't, it still went too far, I'm angry with myself and ashamed, confused too, I really don't know why this addiction is so difficult for me.
It's not the first time that it's gone too far, I find ways to gain more control over the addiction but slowly it finds a way to exploit my weaknesses again. Usually I'll delete an account or a contact and think that I've solved the problem but then I'll find another site, I'll start just having a look when I'm bored, then maybe chatting a little and slowly I lose all sense of reality, I forget all the good things in my life and I become totally fixed.
Part of the problem is that I don't have any hobbies that help me to relax at home, I don't watch much tv or read much, I do like running, cycling, camping, meeting friends, that gives me some balance in my life but there will always be times when I need to sit around at home and chill and that is when I'm most likely to allow the addiction to work its way back into my life.
Recently I've been trying not to log onto any chat rooms until I have completed a good amount of work that day, as a result I've logged on at midnight and chatted till the early hours (though this often really means mindlessly and in complete boredom clicking through spam and guys on omegle that look like sad w*nkers, and probably think the same about me) As a result, I've not had much sleep recently.
Another part of the problem is that I find it hard to be really honest with my girlfriend about how I feel. I can't tell her about this addiction, I just can't and I struggle to share thoughts with her that aren't as damaging either. For instance, I've just been to a DIY store and a supermarket, there were at least six women in each that I had quite strong sexual attraction to (that's probably normal for lots of guys) I know she would hate that so I try to pretend that it doesn't happen, especially if I'm with her. Maybe I'm making excuses but I feel as though keeping thoughts that I have sexually from her helps to fuel the addiction, as I can chat more openly online.
I did have some success in dealing with my addiction by reading erotic literature instead of browsing chat rooms, however, when my girlfriend started to share my tablet, I got worried that she might find what I'd been reading so I deleted them all. Maybe I should try to read some of the books to her and we can explore them together but I worry that I'd disgust her with the ones that I really wanted to read!
I really need to win this one!
At the end of our 'conversation' a message appeared that started, 'while you were playing I was downloading all of your e-mail contacts and files from your computer......'
I didn't finish reading the message, I deleted it and blocked them. I am so ashamed it went so far and worried that they will have a way to 'trace me or my loved ones'.
Even if they don't, it still went too far, I'm angry with myself and ashamed, confused too, I really don't know why this addiction is so difficult for me.
It's not the first time that it's gone too far, I find ways to gain more control over the addiction but slowly it finds a way to exploit my weaknesses again. Usually I'll delete an account or a contact and think that I've solved the problem but then I'll find another site, I'll start just having a look when I'm bored, then maybe chatting a little and slowly I lose all sense of reality, I forget all the good things in my life and I become totally fixed.
Part of the problem is that I don't have any hobbies that help me to relax at home, I don't watch much tv or read much, I do like running, cycling, camping, meeting friends, that gives me some balance in my life but there will always be times when I need to sit around at home and chill and that is when I'm most likely to allow the addiction to work its way back into my life.
Recently I've been trying not to log onto any chat rooms until I have completed a good amount of work that day, as a result I've logged on at midnight and chatted till the early hours (though this often really means mindlessly and in complete boredom clicking through spam and guys on omegle that look like sad w*nkers, and probably think the same about me) As a result, I've not had much sleep recently.
Another part of the problem is that I find it hard to be really honest with my girlfriend about how I feel. I can't tell her about this addiction, I just can't and I struggle to share thoughts with her that aren't as damaging either. For instance, I've just been to a DIY store and a supermarket, there were at least six women in each that I had quite strong sexual attraction to (that's probably normal for lots of guys) I know she would hate that so I try to pretend that it doesn't happen, especially if I'm with her. Maybe I'm making excuses but I feel as though keeping thoughts that I have sexually from her helps to fuel the addiction, as I can chat more openly online.
I did have some success in dealing with my addiction by reading erotic literature instead of browsing chat rooms, however, when my girlfriend started to share my tablet, I got worried that she might find what I'd been reading so I deleted them all. Maybe I should try to read some of the books to her and we can explore them together but I worry that I'd disgust her with the ones that I really wanted to read!
I really need to win this one!
jscamp67
Tom....thank you for sharing. I, too, have an addiction to chatrooms and porn...but mostly chatrooms. I go between acting like a woman in order to chat with other men and masturbate while they tell me what they would do to me. However, I tend to let it go too far as well by engaging in phone sex as well. I have also chatted with women as well and this one girl I started chatting with led to sexting and me saying things about wishing I was by myself and other lies which ended up costing me my latest relationship of which I have a 20 month old boy. She is coming to get all of his stuff as well as her other boy's stuff tonight and I don't know how I am going to deal with being alone again. This addiction has cost me two relationships now and it needs to stop. But going back to this girl, it also ruined my relationship with my gf's 16 yr old daughter because her mother was able to get on my phone and see the conversation where I not only told this girl that I had fantasies about doing it with her daughter, but I also sent her a pic my ex step daughter took of herself to this girl. Talk about feeling ashamed. So I get where you are coming from.
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