Insomnia Support Group
Insomnia is a symptom, rather than a disease, and is characterized by inadequate quantity or quality of sleep. People with insomnia complain of difficulty falling or staying asleep, which results in significant impairment of daytime functioning. Insomnia is categorized as transient (shorter than one week), short-term (one to three weeks) or chronic (longer than three...
Here's where my story begins. I won't give all the details cause it would be way to long, I'll try to summarize the best I can. Back in 2016 i was stable on meds for anixety, depression and sleep. Wounded up getting pregnant. Doctor said I could stay on my medication for sleep...trazodone. but I wanted to see if I could get by without. So I successfully got off my medications for the first half of my pregnancy and I was doing great. Was sleeping good. I was so proud of myself and ecstatic to become a mom. Then all the sudden....my dreams were completely shattered. I started to get more stressed with a new position I started at work. The work load was hard and intense and entirely too much. That is when the insomniac beast stirred from its slumber and my life was devoured by the problem. I had to quit my job. Some nights I wouldn't sleep at all, other nights I would only drift off lightly for an hour or two. This went on for months. I felt like I was stripped of everything that made me who I was....I was suicidal but couldn't act on it because of the baby. I got back on my meds and they weren't working. They always worked before and now when I needed them the most...they wouldn't work.
I did a lot of suffering. Intense suffering. The kind that makes you a different person. My water broke at 34 weeks and I delivered a beautiful, healthy baby boy. Things started getting a little better. I still struggled, but not as hard. There were spurts of time when I thought I might be cured. There were also spurts of time where I thought the problem was back in full force.
That is kind of where I am right now. The past month it's been getting bad again. Im 5 months post partum. Could it be that my hormones are still changing? I am depressed and anxious and feel like I can't take care of my son because I need adequate rest. And to be honest, I think more and more about suicide each day this problem keeps going on. I don't know how much more pain and suffering I can take.
I am currently in therapy. Im on 200mg of seroquel, 200mg of trazodone. I also take melatonin. These medications used to work great for me in the past, but not after getting pregnant. Im also taking Ativan as needed for anxiety and zoloft for anxiety and depression. The doctors i had during my pregnancy didn't want to change my meds, they just wanted to keep increasing the doses. I recently switched doctors. Saw my new psychiatrist on monday and he prescribed me doxepin. Told me to quit taking the trazodone and cut back to 100 mg of seroquel at bedtime because the doxepin was strong and it would all be to strong. Well last night was one of the worst nights I have had in a long while. I typically can fall asleep, but can't stay asleep and have trouble getting into a deep sleep. I couldn't even fall asleep. And I ended up taking the seroquel and trazodone in addition to the doxepin.
I know I still need to give the doxepin another chance, but im scared. I feel like a worthless mom and feel like im nothing but a burden on my family. My mom is taking care of my son today because im not stable enough to take care of him.
Is there any hope for me? I feel like im slowly dying.
All I wanted was to be a good mom. Be a good wife and a good Christian. Have a happy family oriented life. But instead im living out my worst nightmare.
I hope there is someone out there who can give me support and hope and share their story with me. Because I feel completely alone and misunderstood.
-Babyblues
I'm a guy, so I can't comment on whether or not you'll be a good mom. But all of us here have fought the insomnia demon. I myself was someone who felt like he'd totally forgotten how to sleep and Trazodone was completely ineffective. Z-drugs and benzos worked for a 4 hour knock out but didn't cause restful sleep.
Amitriptyline saved me. And I would ask your doctor about that. Yes, it CAN have severe side effects or keep you too drowsy to function. But I got lucky escaping the side effects and you might be able to too.
Yes, there is hope. You've already proved you can beat this.
You've proved it by
1) Conquering insomnia WITHOUT DRUGS all by yourself during your pregnancy. And "doing great" in the process.
2) Giving birth to a healthy baby.
This proves that not only is your mind-body system capable of resolving insomnia successfully, but even dealing with it you are functioning well on a physiologic level.
Your attitude towards sleep, however, is another question. You're obviously worried excessively about it, something that pretty much every one of us in this group shares with you.
My advice to you would be do not let your fears of insomnia control you. Instead, you control it. That is the way to escape this permanently.
There are a number of effective methods to do this, and some of them do not involve pharmaceuticals or supplements or substances of any kinds to artificially force sleep.
You should be encouraged that your mind-body system already is capable of getting all the sleep it really needs without you doing anything special. This is what your experience has already proved.
However, you can do many constructive things to help in effect stack the deck in your favor. The best ideas I'm aware of are contained in CBT sleep training methods for adults. You may already be using sleep training with your baby, and they are effective. The methods for adults work for most people too.
Talk to your doc about this. You can make this better, just as many of us have. Good luck.
You are definitely not alone. I am in the same boat with you. I am 19 months postpartum and ever since my baby girl was born I have been struggling with acute insomnia. I usually fall asleep ok, but wake up after 2-4 hours unable to get back to sleep.
When you feel suicidal, here is what you should remember: it is not your fault that it is happening, more likely this feeling is a side-effect of the meds you are taking, so hang in there, it will pass. Also, you definitely want to be there for your child and watch him grow into a wonderful young man. You can only commit suicide once, there is no way back. I sometimes, too, feel suicidal, but I remind myself that this will pass, and usually the feeling passes within a couple of hours.
I feel like a crappy mom, because usually I am so exhausted I cannot spend quality time with my little one. However, I am determined to nip this problem in a butt, even if it takes me my entire life to figure it out.
My dreams are crushed as well. I have always wanted two kids and a successful career. But, for now, I just have to survive for my baby.
Let me know how things are going for you. And don't give up!