Insomnia Support Group
Insomnia is a symptom, rather than a disease, and is characterized by inadequate quantity or quality of sleep. People with insomnia complain of difficulty falling or staying asleep, which results in significant impairment of daytime functioning. Insomnia is categorized as transient (shorter than one week), short-term (one to three weeks) or chronic (longer than three...
I'm having a really rough day today, and it's hard to find people who can relate to the suffering that insomnia brings. I'm hoping some people on here can empathize with what I'm going through. It's been 15 months of severe insomnia for me--it started a full night I just didn't sleep. Then the next night too. And so on... I either can't fall asleep or I'm waking up constantly, or I wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep. It's to the point I've been unable to maintain many friendships, and my business--my career that I'm so passionate about--has completely fallen to the wayside while my partner is currently supporting me. While I'm grateful for my partner's support, it feels demoralizing, especially at a time when my business and career really wanted to take off. Now I'm 30 and feel like I'll have to rebuild from scratch when I am able to get back to work. I was seeing some improvement with my sleep, and starting to feel better about things. I was planning to go back to work soon and starting to feel positive about life again, but I've been hit with the worst insomnia again, where I can't sleep the entire night, and if I do it's tormented nightmares where I'm constantly waking up. Last night the nightmares were so bad I forced myself to stay awake (after already being wide awake the rest of the night until 6 in the morning). I don't typically feel very anxious in my day-to-day life but it's like my nervous system is in overdrive and no meditation or yoga or supplements will calm it down. It might be because I'm tapering off the Remeron I've been on, so I'm getting withdrawal--but it seems very, very severe for medication withdrawal. Or I'm just getting worse again. I don't know. Anyways, today it just feels like all my hopes and dreams have been tossed out the window yet again, and I must continue sitting on the sidelines of life waiting to dive fully into my work and life again. I miss just being able to enjoy life without stressing about sleep--sleep gives so much freedom to one in life, when you're healthy, you can do anything. Insomnia feels like this cage I've been trapped in while life passes me by, and I can't seem to escape. I have a very loving supportive partner, friends, family, but no one who can truly understand what I'm going through. I sought out this forum in the hopes of finding people who could relate, and I'd love to hear your stories and struggles as well. Thanks for reading/listening.
A couple of your comments stuck out at me. The first is Remeron, suggesting you are being treated for depression. You should definitely discuss insomnia with your prescribing doc if you haven't already. If you feel you're not getting anywhere, ask for a referral to an MD who specializes in sleep.
Second is the seemingly irrational statement about "forcing" yourself to stay awake. While many insomniacs do this inadvertently, it's unusual to see someone struggling with sleep force themselves to go the other way.
A comment about dreams. Regardless of content -- disturbing or not -- you should be assured the fact that you are dreaming is very, very good. The REM dream stage typically happens after the preceding NREM sleep stages, which are the most physically restorative. All of that means your sleep system is in fact working, healthy, and getting the job done. On top of that you can safely let the content of your dreams go. They are just that, dreams, and cannot hurt you.
I suspect your perception and negativity about the idea of sleep is fueling your insomnia to at least some degree. It does for many if not most of us. Getting a handle on that can go a long way toward making this better.
You should also be assured that you can treat this, and you can make it better as many of us have done. For me personally, I used CBT sleep training methods. If you haven't tried those, that could very well be a permanent solution for you.
Good luck and keep us posted.
Also - it's possible to dream when you are in a state between being awake and asleep, without having first gone into a deep sleep. I've experienced this many times... often I'll wonder if I even did sleep at all because it's hard to tell the difference between your mind wandering and a dream in this state. It usually involves waking up every minute or maybe even more often. It's this state I'll find myself dreaming in where I have nightmares of scary things happening to me while I'm lying in my bed--I'm still conscious of being in my bed on the one hand, but my mind is playing tricks on me with these scary dreams. I'll dream someone is attacking me in my bed, or has broken into my apartment, or worse. Have you ever experienced anything like that? And yes, in those situations I'm very scared and will keep myself awake. I don't feel anxious or fearful during my days and in my life, but clearly my body is experiencing a high level of anxiety and I can't figure out what it's connected to. (I get a lot of muscle tension too.)
I've also done CBT. My sleep routine is great, I get all tired and such, but when I go to bed I just lie there. I'm not usually feeling anxious about it, I'm often quite comfortable and cozy lying in my bed because I'm tired. I just don't ever fall into sleep. Eventually at some point in the night I'll usually get upset about it, to varying degrees, but this is often after quite a few hours of lying in bed. Nothing I do seems to make any difference--my thinking, my diet, exercise, sleep hygiene, my mindset, my mood... all the things that seem to make a difference with insomnia for most people. I'm at a loss. And yet to meet anyone who can really relate to this.
Just curious if you're still using CBT methods. If not, that would help explain your continued excessive levels of stress and anxiety, both of which will perpetuate insomnia. Personally I use these CBT tools every day still, even though I learned them over a decade ago now. These methods must be used to work, and to continue to work. By doing this, it will help you let go of all this negativity about sleep, which in turn will help reduce your stress levels, and that in turn supports better sleep.
If none of this is working for you what are you doing with your sleep doc to help make this better?
I also had many nights like you where I was exhausted but couldn't fall sleep in my bed. What helped me was spending a few nights on the couch. I noticed I would feel exhausted and start to doze off while watching tv on the couch, but as soon as I got up and into bed I was wide awake again. So I started to let myself fall asleep on the couch to prove to myself that I was actually capable of falling asleep in the first place. Then I focused on CBT methods and conditioning my mind to associate my bed with sleep.
Another random thing that helped me was salt cave/halotherapy. I don't completely understand the science behind it (the negative ions reduce stress?), but the few times I went, I actually got the best sleep I had in a while.
I randomly came across your post today as I was feeling just the same as you and was looking to see if I could find some empathy and mutual understanding!
Just wanted to let you know that I feel the same...some of the things you said resonated with me so much and in a way was nice to read someone's thoughts that completely mirrored mine.
I have been struggling with insomnia since about March/April and while I have had the odd few days here and there of it seeming to get better, lately it's been really bad. I am going to CBT which has helped a bit and I am aware I probably need to work harder on reframing my thoughts and beliefs that I now have about sleep but it's just so hard sometimes.
The worse part is how sad and emotional I get when I am tired, and then I know that this makes my anxiety worse and that I need to stay happy and positive and that in turn just starts off the vicious circle of wishing I wasn't in this situation.
What you said about feeling like you are on the sideline of life really resonated with me. At the moment I feel like I am grieving for the old me, the person I was when I slept normally (sounds overly dramatic I know) but it's like life is passing me by while I trudge along like a zombie being too tired to find the energy to do all the things I want to enjoyably. The world seems a completely different place when you've slept and I just miss that so much!
Anyway sometimes I do surprise myself at how much I can still do after no sleep and can perk up and enjoy myself but it still takes A LOT of effort and I just don't want to feel like this anymore.
I could go into loads more detail my sleep issues but I won't bore everyone, just wanted you to know that I can relate to you more than you know and hope you are feeling brighter today!
Insomnia (among other things) has greatly affected my cognitive skills which makes it near impossible for me to hold down a job. Sometimes I just feel like I'm stupid when really it's just a lack of sleep. I've also kept myself awake to avoid nightmares. I'm so sorry you're dealing with that... I hope you're able to find a solution sooner than later. Remember, things will get better. The night is always darkest before the sun rises.