I'm sorry you are feeling so awful. You sound like you are extremely sleep deprived. Are you sleeping at all? Do you take any medication for insomnia? I know you said your parents won't pay for more doctor visits. Are you a student or do you have a job where you can get your own insurance? There has to be a way to get you feeling better, maybe I can help you figure out what to do next.

Thanks for the reply LittleSadie. I'm not sleeping like a normal person but I'd say I sleep good-great for at least 50% of the nights which is actually a really big improvement compared to what it was. but some reason instead of life getting easier with even a little better sleep, it's getting harder, I feel more tired than ever even on days I sleep good(sometimes I'm even more tired when I wake up from a night I slept well).

Hopefully this won't bore you but I'll tell you my brief history. I was never as good of a sleeper or as energized as everyone else from junior high and on but I didn't have it really bad untill about 14 or 15. Prior to 14 or 15 it seemed like my issue was that my body clock wasn't quite on the same page as society's. I knew I had school early but I couldn't seem to fall asleep untill 11 or 12. I remember doing well in school but a lot of times teachers would get mad at me cause I'd sleep in class because I was tired from only getting 6 or 7 hours of sleep when teenagers usually need a lot more.

But then at 14 or 15 it was like in a flick of a light switch that things turned REALLY bad. When school ended that year is when the troubles really began. Some reason I became a pick bastard. It was hot in the summer and I would Lie awake consciously in bed feeling me sweating. I didn't have a job and often couldn't fall asleep untill 3 A.M till sometimes 6 or 7 A.M(when it cooled down a little) and would often sleep in well into the afternoon. Once summer was over and it wasn't hot, my sleep returned pretty much to normal. Unfortunately year after year the same thing happened except once it got cooler, my sleep wouldn't return all the way to normal and I would still have bad nights. It got worse and worse.

I don't know if they formed in conjunction with the sleep deprivation or if they're separately related but I've been doing lots of thinking about myself lately as well as research and I strongly suspect I have a few things. 1. I believe I have ADD. 2. I believe I may be depressed. 3. I believe I have S.A.D or extreme anxiety. 4. I might have aspbergers or some time of ASD(this is the one I'm not positive about, it could be my extreme anxiety, or even sleep deprivation that makes me not perform like a normal person). 5. Possibly other things; I'm seriously worried about things like the moving and numb brain thing I mentioned early. I hope not but I wonder if I could have some disease like anemia where you feel chronically fatigued and because of the stress and or problems with trying to function while being fatigued, it's causing me a hoax of problems with insomnia.

That's the problem with all this is that I probably do need to see doctors but can't cause of my parents. I don't feel comfortable talking with them at all of these mental issues I deal with and all they do is complain how expensive it is to see doctors.

But no, I'm not currently taking any medication for insomnia(in the past I've tried amytriptyline and ambien; the amytriptyline seemed to work one year but then stopped and I only go ambien a week or so and quit taking it because I felt worse than before. I would take ambien and the next thing I'd know, it'd be the next day only it felt like I hadn't slept). I'm a college student and working. Unless I get one that I applied for, my jobs don't have benefits including insurance and I'm not sure if college students can get insurance or not.

Does your college have free counseling services? They may be able to help you determine if you really are depressed and may be able to offer more suggestions about what your options are. If your parents are not supportive you need to find someone you can talk to ( in person). What do you think of this idea?

First of all with the free counseling at school, I have no idea and the problem is I don't know how to find out. The second suggestion about finding someone I can talk to is a good idea but the challenge is actually finding someone.

I never was that popular to begin with and when high school ended, many of my friends went on missions and either A) aren't back yet or B) have ignored my messages to reestablish relationships with them. Additionally, I don't make friends easily and don't live on or near campus so that makes it even harder. I haven't been in a romantic relationship is years as well. My self confidence and pride is really bad.

l did just realize that every year because of my mom's work, you can get 5 free counseling sessions. There might even be other mental health options but I know I could see someone for 5 sessions each year. I took advantage of it last year and attempted doing CBT although it didn't result in improvements. Before he began doing the sessions, the therapist warned me that we may get into civil arguments because he was going to challenge me and the way I was behaving. I don't think I was 100% honest with him and sometimes I didn't lie really but I didn't bring up some things with him that maybe I should have. We never ended up doing that even though I know respective arguments are supposed to happen. He even told me personally that I'm a bit strange in that I actually think really rationally, get good grades, don't resort to drugs and other behaviors that people with my type of problems usually do.

So if I did some sort of counseling(not necessarily CBT), I'm not sure if I'd want to talk to him again or someone else. I've been kind of avoident of resorting to medication but I'm starting to think that it's maybe going to have to be part of the solution for now. I'm not sure if I'll always have to take it or if I can just get back on track for a while if I can slowly get off of it. I'd also be curious if I would be diagnosed with my suspicions. Although I'm scared of being discriminated against if I list certain mental health issues I may have when they ask if you have any mental health issues we should be aware of at jobs.

I don't really know much about CBT. Seeing a sleep specialist today, that's something I was going to ask him about. Take advantage of those free counseling services. Make a call to your school, too and see if they have any options. If you don't like the counselor, find someone else. Don't be afraid to be honest, honesty will be the only way for them to truly help you. Don't worry about it affecting job eligibility. That is none of their business. Sometimes medication is necessary, you may have to try a few things before you find something that works for you. And know, that if you are able to get counseling to work through some issues, medication may be only temporary. Be kind and compassionate to yourself, and be your own advocate. You deserve to feel well and be happy. That is every human being's right.