Insomnia Support Group
Insomnia is a symptom, rather than a disease, and is characterized by inadequate quantity or quality of sleep. People with insomnia complain of difficulty falling or staying asleep, which results in significant impairment of daytime functioning. Insomnia is categorized as transient (shorter than one week), short-term (one to three weeks) or chronic (longer than three...
Ive been having trouble sleeping since 2019 when on a... so I thought, regulat school night arounf 3AM my dad suffered a mild diabetic stroke. That night plays in my mind everynight of my mom bursting in telling me my dad needs help, him being out of it, the ambulance, the countless hours of the night in the ICU, the news covering the death of Luke Perry at the exact same time, same age as my dad. It was the worst day of my life and since that very night nothing has been the same. I sleep with my phone sound on in fear of the hospital calling or my parents needing my help at anytime. I always get a gut feeling now when things are about to go south again. My dad (55-veteran) is currently in the hospital again, had triple by pass open heart surgery, toe amputation, and my mom (60) health is at a decline. I can never seem to relax my mind and I'm always on gaurd... I'm scared of getting that phone call I never want to hear or having that chest pounding drive to the hospital in the middle of the night. This is taking a major toll on my mental and physical health. These last 4 years have been the absolute worst years of my life. (I am surrouned by amazing people, I still work, etc... I'm also 21 and an only child)
Their health is not your burden to carry. Their health is not your responsibility. Go back to having the phone ringer off at night. Otherwise, you may turn around at 40 and say what happened to my life as now they are gone and I have nothing else. And now I am sick, too. Anger and depression really rear up then. You have experienced trauma in this area so young but you can find mental and emotional wellness and a way to stay on even keel even if your parents continue to have health crisis after health crisis. I give you permission to separate your life from their health crisis. In love for yourself and in love for your parents. If your emotional wellness goes down, you can't help anyone. Life is often very hard and it takes a lot of coping skills to manage the bad things that naturally happen to humans. Learning those coping skills will serve you well all of your life.
I really like The New Codependency by Beatty. It might help you. Counseling can also give you an outlet and coping skills with the right therapist. This post is about changing how we react and think to find that emotional wellness and then physical wellness you seek. Acceptance of your parents and their issues with love but also detachment and your own mental boundaries as needed. This is not a bashing of your parents but a way to steer you out of these troubling waters to a safe shore of your own emotional wellness and inner strength. Big hugs to you.
No wonder you are up at night.
Just also wanted to let you know that here on DS there is a very active PTSD support group with very empathetic people who understand what it is like to live with PTSD. I hope you will consider coming to join us.
I pray you get some good restorative rest soon.
Sending healing hugs