Insomnia Support Group
Insomnia is a symptom, rather than a disease, and is characterized by inadequate quantity or quality of sleep. People with insomnia complain of difficulty falling or staying asleep, which results in significant impairment of daytime functioning. Insomnia is categorized as transient (shorter than one week), short-term (one to three weeks) or chronic (longer than three...
I want a time machine. Not so I can go back and hit the Powerball, or witness the birth of Christ, or see or do anything of significance. Nope, I want it soley so I can hop in on a day like today, travel back to a specific moment in the recent past and kick myself dead in the ass....hard, like an old donkey that won't budge. If that ever happens, I guess I'll know why. I'm pretty damn sure I'm asking for those Powerball numbers though.
I knew Sunday was coming, had to be up at the ass crack of dawn and out the door by 6AM. I knew Monday was coming, back to work, back to structure, back to schedule after two weeks off. OMG who are these people and why do they keep asking me for shit. My sleep for all intents and purposes has been good since November. For this I am greatful. But all it took was 48 hours to ruin it, once again.
My holiday gift this year was the flu starting 2 days into my vacation and still hanging on into day 14. I would like to thank my old boss for bringing the fucking plague to work right before Christmas, instead of taking a sick day. We're salaried here, would it have killed you to stay home for a day...you total total douche of a human being. At least I slept soundly while I was curled up in the fetal position with fever and chills. And wow...man I just love fever dreams. If someone could bottle that shit or roll that up, drug dealers would be having clearance sales.
Oh yeah, back to November. I fucked it all up...bad. A little voice inside my head tried to warn me. It said, stick to your schedule. But what the hell does he know anyway. I'm off for a while, so let's act like were 13. Let's go to bed at 2AM, lets sleep until 10AM. Nothing bad can come of this whatsoever. It takes one day of shitty sleep to remember your roots. It takes two for the time travelling ass kicker plot to come into play.
One final seemingly random observation....what the hell happened to falling asleep....when we do sleep? Falling implies an act. That which has as a beginning, a climax and an end. I've come to realize that for the past 10 years of my life, I haven't "fallen" asleep. What I do is I turn on a boring show, wad up my pillow up under my head just so, and somewhere in that frame I get bludgeoned over the head with something that I never see coming and don't remember...and then the alarm is going off. I'm on a mere 1MG of Klonopin, not taking elephant tranquilizers. Why is it more like anesthesia than sleeping anymore?
I know it can be worse, I know some of you have it much worse. I know I've had it much worse at times and like everything, this too shall pass. I am just irritable, cranky and needing to clear my throat.
I knew Sunday was coming, had to be up at the ass crack of dawn and out the door by 6AM. I knew Monday was coming, back to work, back to structure, back to schedule after two weeks off. OMG who are these people and why do they keep asking me for shit. My sleep for all intents and purposes has been good since November. For this I am greatful. But all it took was 48 hours to ruin it, once again.
My holiday gift this year was the flu starting 2 days into my vacation and still hanging on into day 14. I would like to thank my old boss for bringing the fucking plague to work right before Christmas, instead of taking a sick day. We're salaried here, would it have killed you to stay home for a day...you total total douche of a human being. At least I slept soundly while I was curled up in the fetal position with fever and chills. And wow...man I just love fever dreams. If someone could bottle that shit or roll that up, drug dealers would be having clearance sales.
Oh yeah, back to November. I fucked it all up...bad. A little voice inside my head tried to warn me. It said, stick to your schedule. But what the hell does he know anyway. I'm off for a while, so let's act like were 13. Let's go to bed at 2AM, lets sleep until 10AM. Nothing bad can come of this whatsoever. It takes one day of shitty sleep to remember your roots. It takes two for the time travelling ass kicker plot to come into play.
One final seemingly random observation....what the hell happened to falling asleep....when we do sleep? Falling implies an act. That which has as a beginning, a climax and an end. I've come to realize that for the past 10 years of my life, I haven't "fallen" asleep. What I do is I turn on a boring show, wad up my pillow up under my head just so, and somewhere in that frame I get bludgeoned over the head with something that I never see coming and don't remember...and then the alarm is going off. I'm on a mere 1MG of Klonopin, not taking elephant tranquilizers. Why is it more like anesthesia than sleeping anymore?
I know it can be worse, I know some of you have it much worse. I know I've had it much worse at times and like everything, this too shall pass. I am just irritable, cranky and needing to clear my throat.
Do you feel better now? I wish you do! Yes, everything can be worse...like 4 nights on 0 or 2 hr. of sleep and taking care of tow kids during the day, cleaning, cooking and DRIVING.
I know no words would help. But still, keep in mind that some days are better, some worse. You can recover only if you can change your life, entire life routine. Like...leaving near the beach, mountains or in a country side... flexible work schedule, reasonable work load, fair compensation, friends and family around, kids having no trouble, exercising, sex...and love! I guess, that scenario is hardly realizable for most of us. I wish you to feel better.
Definitely love the beach, love the mountains , love sex...in any order, as long as the first two involve sex. In that case, there doesn't actually need to be a beach or mountains, just sayin ;)
The holidays fucked up my sleep routine pretty good too. I didn't have 2 weeks off but a few days here, a few days there, enough to keep me from finding a good sleep routine. It only takes one night to throw me off, and then all hell breaks loose. I am home from work today. My meds knocked me out until 2 in the afternoon on Sunday and then of course, Monday night I slept terribly, but went in to work anyway. I ended up going home because I was so sleep deprived and I could still feel the drugs in my system. (like, if I closed my eyes, everything would spin). So, determined to get back on track, I started taking my klonopin in little pieces, a bit at 8, a bit at 9, a bit at 10, then finally went to bed at 10:30. I must have knocked out right away. The next thing I know my alarm is going off at 7:30, and I thought "I can't move, I can't get up'. So I called in. Slept til 10. So now here I am, at home on a Tuesday afternoon, not at work. I will try again tonight. I am so afraid I will never get this insomnia under control. I have to have a strict sleep schedule, or I feel I will never recover and I will lose my job. And if I go out with friends, worry about staying up too late or drinking a beer instead of taking my medication. What kind of life is that? It is a constant battle, one that no one in my life can understand.
It is so hard to feel like you have 2 choices: never sleep and go insane, or use drugs that make you feel like you've been under anesthesia. I guess the latter is the lesser evil of the two.
After 3 nights of 0-2 sleep, I slept 5-6 hr...then again had 2-3 hr of nap, feel horrible, as always. I do not have work pressure. But other things stress me out not less than a job. Even during the day I can not relax as I am constantly interrupted. Then, even if I am not interrupted I forgot how does it feel to relax, something always bothers me and pull me out of the bed. I am tired of this URGE. I look at other people, in Gym for example. And, I think how they can sleep, they do sleep well for sure if they come to exercise after work. I feel I do not belong to a society of normally feeling people anymore.
Sometimes it's good to count your blessings.