I've been so busy and haven't had time to visit this site in a long time. I don't have much time to write this so it's going to be brief. For the past couple of months I haven't been doing well. I think it might be depression but I have no idea. The last couple of months somethings happened to me that I've never experienced. I'm just really bored and I have a desire to do something to do something new although I have no idea what it is. At work I'm feeling bored to, like I want to learn something new. But there's no room for advancement, I won't be able to find a job related to my interests this time of year, and I desperately need the money.

I'm not sure if these bizarre feelings are a result of my busy life. I'm working 2 jobs(1 paid and 1 not because its an internship) and going to school full time. I've been doing 60-80+ hours between the 3 things. Sometimes I work one job and then go to other where I work basically 7 A.M to like 9 to 10 at night. When there's like a week or two off of classes(like the transition from summer to fall semester that I'm in), I'm doing a regular 40ish hours a week(maybe longer if you consider commute time). I don't get PTO or any type of benefits. I haven't been on a vacation for years. This year I've been suckered into having to work work one weekend day and sometimes my internship stuff is only on the weekend. I usually have 2 days off of work per week but unlike the past its only 1 day in a row instead of two. How having 2 days off in a row helps more than 1 day off sometime in the week and then another day off sometime in the week makes a difference is beyond me. Maybe it's cause my days are super long. Oh and I lied I've been doing 6 days a week the majority of the summer.

So yeah, this summer hasn't been summer. It's just annoying because I want this but I don't. It's a conflict of Interest! I wanted to take summer classes and do my internship because it makes me graduate a year earlier. If I don't I graduate a full year later because of what semesters classes are offered. My other conflict of Interests relates to my hobbies. I'm a nighttime person in a daytime world. I love catfishing...it's only good in the morning or late at night. I love doing it at night. I HATE mornings. My sleep schedule doesn't like my getting up early most days of the week and then staying up late fishing and trying to go to bed then. Overall I'm just so frustrated, depressed, anxious, and feeling childish right now. I struggle with habits and I haven't been taking my anxiety medication because of that and now I'm feeling super anxious and stuff. I'm supposed to only take 1 but I'm thinking of taking like 5 to get feeling like a normal human being again. And yes as you can probably guess, all of the above has negatively impacted my sleep, AGAIN!