INFIDELTY RELATIONSHIPS AND SHATTERED DREAMS Community Group
This is a place to share the heartbreaks and recovery of broken and shattered dreams from adultry infidelity and other relationship situations. Tell your stories here. you can also tell about relationships you wish to have someday. Tell us how you have survived. This is a place to share the pain and also your recovery from this most traumatic ordeal.
I want to talk about the most earth shattering topic that a husband and wife can ever go through. I'm the guy who did it! I know why I did it and I know what pain I caused my family, not to mention myself. I can sit here and woulda, coulda, shoulda all day long but thats not what I'm here for. I'm here to talk to people about the pain they feel. The person doing the cheating and the person who is betrayed. I am a mess. I have three beautiful children and had a beautiful wife to go with it. If you think that this kind of thing cant happen to you....You are freakin crazy. I'm not the first man to stray and I know I'm not the last, but I'm here to tell you it can happen to anyone. My wife and I were the envy of all couples for years. We had as perfect of a relationship as any two people can have. One day that all fell to pieces. I dont know what day that was or why, but it did. We stopped taking care of eachother. Our "Marital fire" was not tended to on either end. We were busy raising kids, going to work, dealing with the school, all of it. Just like everybody else. We forgot eachother. I was furious and she was frustrated. The next thing you know, I was on a social media site (you know the one) and found an old friend. She filled my bucket for sure. I was intoxicated with good feelings I hadnt had. There I was on the road to hell. I lied and lied and lied to the point I couldnt keep it straight. I wish I wasnt weak and I wish I had made better choices. Dont be me
YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE, ALSO THE RISK OF STD, BECAUSE OF HIM I HAVE HERPES'''
WISH YOU WELL'''
I dont know what to do now. Im in therapy to deal with the guilt and just trying to pick up the pieces of my life. I hope someday that we can pull through all this. We;ve been divorced for a year now. She's been good so far. Good days and bad
Mine its a long story, I came from a tradition based background , and yes I believed he loved me, but he was lying from the beginning, because as I found out in the last 5 years, he confessed in September 2007, he was in a sexual ,whatever it was with a married woman whose husband was in jail ,also she had a son...I believed that he was single and had fallen for me, but I know different, it took 4 days into the honeymoon for him to show his true colours, and yes I asked someone to help me, I wanted to leave him, but she told me to go back, and there was no one, I did my best over the years ,he lived in another country, so for me it was hard, I had to learn to speak English, and was much alone, he had his friends and family, but his mother was a real bitch to me and his sister I could not trust, but they were all I had, and I loved to discover the town , learn, visit museum, even got myself a job, tried to fill the void, emptiness, because he was never a lover to me, yes from the beginning I realised that the passion was missing, I did try to leave twice but he convinced me to stay, promised to change, but he did only to fall again, our love life was just a quickie, I tried to tell him how I felt, but he didn't understand, and never kissed or cuddle, until I just gave up, and lived as best as I could, filled my life with going to college, excercising, taking saunas, I did enjoy my other life, but marriage was a total disappointment, I felt that he never truly loved me, I coped with all his wickedness, bad temper, and so on, he also ruined us financially, so now I AM LEFT with very little money, also I had to deal with health problems, was in a car crash, and since found out that he could have avoid it, it was its fault, so I needed help, and in the last 10 years I have been disabled, in chronic pain, so I became dependant on him, he has been my carer..what made him confess?
Over the years I was suicidal, depressed, but hid it , I was dealing with abuse from him and family, also I was molested as a child, I had my daughter to take care, and was scared that if I asked for help, she could be taken away,so I pressed on, and prayer and my faith kept me sane, reading a lot, going out, did my best to give my daughter what I could, she went ballet, stage school, we had such good times..
When I became very ill with asthma ,allergies, and pain, I didn't know what to do, the doctors couldn't find anything , only years later I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, I turned to ''GOD'' started to read the scriptures, went to a church, but got very little, then I went to another church and there it was different, surrendered my life to ''CHRIST'' and strange things happened, I had always had visions and strange experiences, seeing things since I was a child, but had been told to shut up, compromise, but now I was disturbed, felt that there was something inside me, voice that wanted me to be evil, so good Christians prayed for me, and I was delivered , my life changed, I changed, went on to learn more of the scriptures, my faith became real, I saw something disturbing, and when a pastor I was talking too saw it, he said that it should not been so, and arranged for his friends to come and pray, and again I experienced more freedom, as I changed , he also became a Christian, but he waited 6 years to confess, when he confessed, I felt so angry, because he had lied to me, and he said that he tought that even if he had told me all those years ago I would have stayed, I felt so used and humiliated, like I was used, not love, from then on I made him talk, I wanted to know, he kept quite, but at times he would go into burst of anger and talk, say things that really hurt, it was like I have lived with a total stranger, and he told me about her, they had been seeing each other for sometime, but when he became engaged to me he had left her'''I started to hate all that he was and his, even now, I am trying to get out, the fact is that I have no pension, and have to be very careful, to be honest, he used me and now I am using him, I despise him, and the other day he asked me if I would have sex, I told him to leave, and told him that I wanted to make love when we were young and he used to push me away , and do it when he wanted it, and the way he wanted it, there was no kissing or touching, made me feel like a prostitute...I cannot believe that he looked such a nice guy and turned out to be a real evil and wicked man,just like his friends, which I got to know after we married..
To discover that the man you think marries you for love turned out to be a lie is the most terrible thing that can happen, his heart was never in love with me..
If you still love your lady, then wait ,give yourself time, there is nothing more precious in this world than two human being loving each other, for me is no longer important, I just want to live in my own terms and there is no room for anyone, my daughter needs me and that is all I care and my pets, and helping people and animal rescues, life goes on , and we can share the love we have in our hearts..
Personally I don't believe in therapy, feeling guilty, have you told your ex how you feel, tell her, share your sorrow, be good to her and your children, as you get older they are all you will have, they are precious, and they need you, I know from my experience with my daughter, sex its but a moment of physical pleasure but being a loving parent its a lifetime experience..Try to forgive yourself, it was not just you, something had to happen for you and your wife to have this break up, even a curse, someone envy, yes I believe in curses, Jason you are an intelligent man, and know that we have a body and a spiritual side, our thinking and feelings, believe me out there everyday evil and wicked people are doing bad things to destroy good..Someone did it to you , and your family, as for me my family was cursed for many years, my great grandfather was a drunk and left my greatgrandmother battered with a split had, and married another woman in Argentina and had 8 more children, through my experiences I went to find out about my ancestors, what a find I have made, my cousins are adulterer , divorced, bad husbands, if I had known I would never married, my father had a mistress and went with other women, so nothing new..
You asked why he did it, well he said that she went to see him and convinced him, this is at the beginning od our marriage, so he went to her house s they used to and had sex , then he came home as usual,,not thinking at the risk of sexually transmitted disease, when he had already given me herpes..
Read old posts, get to see what others went through and yes some have gone on to remarry and are happy, hope you do too, I feel that you can do it, take time, and let it happen, love Lucy*****
I will do all I can to change who I am and become the man I know I can be.
Jason I hope that you are being true to yourself because my husband uttered those exact words to me over and over..well actually he said he would "change to be the stand up man for me that he knew he could be" I think that some men (and women for that matter) are just not capable of being faithful. I'm not saying that you're one of those men because I don't know you at all but my husband lied when he said he would change just like many others do.